How to help a friend out?

U6C84 · 12-07-06, 03:14 PM

Deleted

Vibiana · 12-07-06, 03:17 PM

Only one thing TO do. Get her away from the guy, period. I'm not talking about you personally. If it were me, I would appeal to her family and everyone else I could and get her out of wherever they live and to where he can't get to her.

Bandoman · 12-07-06, 03:20 PM

She needs to go to the police. She will be able to get a restraining order pretty quickly. If she really thinks this guy will come after her she needs to get out of town for awhile.

PrincessT · 12-07-06, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bandoman

She needs to go to the police. She will be able to get a restraining order pretty quickly. If she really thinks this guy will come after her she needs to get out of town for awhile.

This is probably the only way to resolve this.

U6C84 · 12-07-06, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vibiana

Only one thing TO do. Get her away from the guy, period. I'm not talking about you personally. If it were me, I would appeal to her family and everyone else I could and get her out of wherever they live and to where he can't get to her.

That's exactly what I wanted to do.

What I was contemplating was calling her house and talking to her parents about the situation. I know it may jeopardize the relationship I have with her but it may just end up saving her "life" since she has no real contact with anyone else.

Plus, I don't know what the parents would think, a complete stranger calling giving them this information. From everyone elses eyes they think that he's the perfect boyfriend. She's a cute attractive girl..where he's a hideous behemoth and everyone thinks he must be such a gentleman because of that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bandoman

She needs to go to the police. She will be able to get a restraining order pretty quickly. If she really thinks this guy will come after her she needs to get out of town for awhile.

That's what I keep telling her. We graduate in 2 weeks anyways...so I told her she needs to go away for a while, but she's scared it will just make everything worse.

Minor Threat · 12-07-06, 03:23 PM

She should wait until he gets really-really drunk one night and then put gasoline on his balls and light them.....

GradVT06 · 12-07-06, 03:30 PM

Get the police involved anyway you can. take pictures, have your friend maybe email you so there's written statements, anything you can do to show the police or have proof of abuse. Hopefully, she won't deny anything once the police are involved.

Vibiana · 12-07-06, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by U6C84

What I was contemplating was calling her house and talking to her parents about the situation. I know it may jeopardize the relationship I have with her but it may just end up saving her "life" since she has no real contact with anyone else.

Plus, I don't know what the parents would think, a complete stranger calling giving them this information. From everyone elses eyes they think that he's the perfect boyfriend. She's a cute attractive girl..where he's a hideous behemoth and everyone thinks he must be such a gentleman because of that.

Does she live with the guy? Because your original post made it sound like she does.

Either way, I'd enlist her parents' help for sure. If it were my daughter, I'd want someone to help her.

One thing about your posts worries me. You can help this girl, but she's not going to owe you being your girlfriend as a result. If you are going into this genuinely to help her, then that's good. If you're going into it to try and break them up so you can have her, you're liable to be disappointed.

I hope my instincts are wrong and that you're not another Captain Save A Ho. Either way, if this girl is getting hit, she needs help.

bwvanh114 · 12-07-06, 03:34 PM

The best way to help a friend out is offer the friends with benefits package.

U6C84 · 12-07-06, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GradVT06

Get the police involved anyway you can. take pictures, have your friend maybe email you so there's written statements, anything you can do to show the police or have proof of abuse. Hopefully, she won't deny anything once the police are involved.

That's what's wrong. I don't know if she would admit to any of it. She told me not to save the conversation we had about it because she does'nt want any traces that we've talked about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vibiana

Does she live with the guy? Because your original post made it sound like she does.

Either way, I'd enlist her parents' help for sure. If it were my daughter, I'd want someone to help her.

One thing about your posts worries me. You can help this girl, but she's not going to owe you being your girlfriend as a result. If you are going into this genuinely to help her, then that's good. If you're going into it to try and break them up so you can have her, you're liable to be disappointed.

I hope my instincts are wrong and that you're not another Captain Save A Ho. Either way, if this girl is getting hit, she needs help.

LoL, I don't want her to be my girlfriend as a result...I'm just worried for her safety. There's too much baggage for me....I'm just trying to help her.

Yeah, it seems like they live together, but they don't. She lives at home with her family, while he lives on his own. The problem is, is that she isn't even allowed to go out with her family and she always has to make excuses. If they want to go out to dinner, she tells her parents that she has to do homework or study. It's seriously ridiculous.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bwvanh114

The best way to help a friend out is offer the friends with benefits package.

Hmmm...that would help me.

Bronkster · 12-07-06, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by U6C84

What I was contemplating was calling her house and talking to her parents about the situation. I know it may jeopardize the relationship I have with her but it may just end up saving her "life"

Your relationship feelings really to take a back seat to her situation. If you care for her at all, you should act on the advice given above. Once this is crap is all behind her, then you can focus back on your relationship.

As a side note, and not to be a dick, but she sounds like she has a codependency issue and if she doesn't get some sort of counseling for that, probably won't ever be in a "good" relationship, with you or anyone else. Sadly, many people who are in abusive relationships go right on to another.

The Bus · 12-07-06, 03:39 PM

Help this girl, then move on.

U6C84 · 12-07-06, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bronkster

Your relationship feelings really to take a back seat to her situation. If you care for her at all, you should act on the advice given above. Once this is crap is all behind her, then you can focus back on your relationship.

As a side note, and not to be a dick, but she sounds like she has a codependency issue and if she doesn't get some sort of counseling for that, probably won't ever be in a "good" relationship, with you or anyone else. Sadly, many people who are in abusive relationships go right on to another.

Ahh...relationship...I guess I used the wrong word. We have a friendship....I'm not trying to get in this girls pants. Well not anymore.

Minor Threat · 12-07-06, 03:41 PM

You ever wonder if she's playing you?????

U6C84 · 12-07-06, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Minor Threat

You ever wonder if she's playing you?????

Yeah, I have. That's something I didn't add to the story. When I said that there's a lot of back story...there's a lot.

In the past conversations we've had....everything is a game to her...she makes me guess about everything and when I get it right, she doesn't make it clear and I have to keep prying more information out of her.

It's possible that she is messing with me, but she does always seem depressed and not all that happy. She doesn't have many friends and doesn't talk to anyone. After a group meeting, I've offered to drive her home, but she decided to stay later at the bookstore and get a ride from her "mom", which ended up being her boyfriend who picked her up.

Lunatikk · 12-07-06, 03:47 PM

hit it then quit it

Lord Rick · 12-07-06, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by U6C84

In the past conversations we've had....everything is a game to her...she makes me guess about everything and when I get it right, she doesn't make it clear and I have to keep prying more information out of her.

Why bother? Why would you want this person as a "friend?"

She's a drama queen.

Run. Now.

AGuyNamedMike · 12-07-06, 08:00 PM

What Rick said. You can't help her until she is ready to be helped, if any of this is true. But telling her parents about it all might generate some entertainment.

12-07-06, 03:14 PM	#1
U6C84 DVD Talk Gold Edition Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: S.S.F. CA Posts: 2,014	Deleted Deleted Last edited by U6C84; 04-06-09 at 02:08 PM.

12-07-06, 03:17 PM	#2
Vibiana DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Living in a van down by the river Posts: 10,933	Only one thing TO do. Get her away from the guy, period. I'm not talking about you personally. If it were me, I would appeal to her family and everyone else I could and get her out of wherever they live and to where he can't get to her. __________________ Vibiana hooks up with chicks, she's more of a winner than most of the internet. -- mndtrp "If everyone you know is doing it, the only thing to do is rush into a marriage. It'll turn out great so don't worry about it." -- Jules Winfield

12-07-06, 03:20 PM	#3
Bandoman DVD Talk Hero Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: a small cottage on a cul de sac in the lower pits of hell. Posts: 27,795	She needs to go to the police. She will be able to get a restraining order pretty quickly. If she really thinks this guy will come after her she needs to get out of town for awhile. __________________ "...Bando...you are perfect and awesome." - 4KRG

12-07-06, 03:23 PM	#6
Minor Threat DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: - Flex your head - Posts: 13,580	She should wait until he gets really-really drunk one night and then put gasoline on his balls and light them..... __________________ "I think they go by username, so you're probably not a very high priority at the moment." - dork "Kansas chokes every year. I don't see why this year will be any different. Go Davidson." - Michael Corvin - Kansas University 2008 National Champions!!!!!

12-07-06, 03:39 PM	#12
The Bus DVD Talk Godfather Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: New York Posts: 51,620	Help this girl, then move on. __________________ Movies: 2002 / 03 / 04 / 05 / 06 / 07 / 08 / 09 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 2013 "Too much disclaiming in this post." – Dr. Mabuse

12-07-06, 03:30 PM	#7
GradVT06 DVD Talk Special Edition Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,445	Get the police involved anyway you can. take pictures, have your friend maybe email you so there's written statements, anything you can do to show the police or have proof of abuse. Hopefully, she won't deny anything once the police are involved.

12-07-06, 03:34 PM	#9
bwvanh114 DVD Talk Gold Edition Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 2,364	The best way to help a friend out is offer the friends with benefits package.

12-07-06, 03:41 PM	#14
Minor Threat DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: - Flex your head - Posts: 13,580	You ever wonder if she's playing you????? __________________ "I think they go by username, so you're probably not a very high priority at the moment." - dork "Kansas chokes every year. I don't see why this year will be any different. Go Davidson." - Michael Corvin - Kansas University 2008 National Champions!!!!!

12-07-06, 03:47 PM	#16
Lunatikk DVD Talk Limited Edition Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: My Car Posts: 6,563	hit it then quit it

12-07-06, 08:00 PM	#18
AGuyNamedMike DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Fairbanks, Alaska! Posts: 13,609	What Rick said. You can't help her until she is ready to be helped, if any of this is true. But telling her parents about it all might generate some entertainment. __________________ Groucho - What if, like, we were all living in a mouse neuron man, and what if some mouse neuron in our universe had a universe it. Whoa. Dr Mabuse - You mock, but Sutherland got some fine young stuff off that kind of thing so don't sell it short.