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Old 05-31-06, 12:13 AM   #1
Original Desmond
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Cool Joke

> Last Saturday night, a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a
> cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the
> streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by
> the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then
> suddenly he heard a strange noise.......
> BUMP........
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> Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving
> rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.
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> He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached
> from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was
> a coffin.
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> Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started
> walking briskly home.
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> He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking
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> The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he
> heard the coffin speed up after him......
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> He started to sprint, but so did the coffin.
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> BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
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> Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only
> seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His
> hand trembling, he managed to open the lock; he dived inside slamming the
> front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and lumped into his
> comfy chair.
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> Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the
> front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing
> the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....
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> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
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> In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take
> him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........
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> BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
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> BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
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> The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched
> itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door
> flew off its hinges....
> The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young
> terrified lad.
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> In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom
> cabinet......
> He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the
> coffin.......still it came.
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> He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it.....
> Still it came......
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> He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it still it came......
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> He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........
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> The coffin stopped.
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Old 05-31-06, 12:34 AM   #2
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Liar.
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Pavel Datsyuk on his coach saying he gives teammates extra room on the ice: "I think he meant that I am really small," Datsyuk explained. "So when I, a small slim person, am on the ice, there is more room for bigger guys. Maybe he said that to cheer me up that I look skinny!"
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Old 05-31-06, 01:05 AM   #3
FinkPish
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Benelyn or Benylin?

(Also, I had to Google this, since we don't have Benylin in the States, and thus had no idea what the hell you were talking about.)
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Old 05-31-06, 02:59 AM   #4
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I know when someone has to explain the joke, it ceases to be funny - but can someone do me a huge favor?
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Old 05-31-06, 04:35 AM   #5
eedoon
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No. But it will be funny if you tell this joke to other people. Really.
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Old 05-31-06, 05:14 AM   #6
turborobb
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I don't get it
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Old 05-31-06, 05:17 AM   #7
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Old 05-31-06, 07:09 AM   #8
Gunshy
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This reminds me of another (RFB) joke that was in a kid's book we had:

Q: Why did the mummy go to the doctor?
A: He had a sour cough I guess*

What's even less funny is the fact that I remember the joke verbatim all these many years later

-Gunshy

*sarcophagus
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Old 05-31-06, 07:44 AM   #9
Andalusia
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I had a teacher tell that coffin joke in grade school, and she thought it was funny as well. Maybe I can hook you two up...
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Old 05-31-06, 07:52 AM   #10
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When I was a kid, the non-joke everyone use to tell was this:

2 elephants are sitting in the bathtub.
The first elephant asks the second "could you please pass the soap"
the second elephant says "no soap radio"
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Old 05-31-06, 07:55 AM   #11
dork
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nausicaa
I know when someone has to explain the joke, it ceases to be funny - but can someone do me a huge favor?
Spoiler:
Benylin Cough Mixture is people
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Old 05-31-06, 08:07 AM   #12
nodoubt
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can someone posts a real cool joke?
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Old 05-31-06, 08:22 AM   #13
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A belligerent drunk man staggers out of a bar mid-day, yelling incoherently. He mumbles to himself as he walks down the sidewalk and suddenly spies something on the other side of the road: a nun. He runs across traffic and lands an elbow to her back. He picks her up and clumsily suplexes her into a pile of garbage cans. Then he drops onto her again and she's out cold. As he's walking away, you hear him mutter, "You're not so tough, Batman."
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Old 05-31-06, 08:44 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Bus
A belligerent drunk man staggers out of a bar mid-day, yelling incoherently. He mumbles to himself as he walks down the sidewalk and suddenly spies something on the other side of the road: a nun. He runs across traffic and lands an elbow to her back. He picks her up and clumsily suplexes her into a pile of garbage cans. Then he drops onto her again and she's out cold. As he's walking away, you hear him mutter, "You're not so tough, Batman."
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Old 05-31-06, 08:46 AM   #15
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Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Spoiler:
A kid falls in a mud puddle.


Wanna hear a clean joke?

Spoiler:
He takes a bath.
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Old 05-31-06, 08:52 AM   #16
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Dextromethorphan relieves cough by acting directly on the cough center in the brain.....
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Old 05-31-06, 09:04 AM   #17
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A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, at least give me the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny told him, "I'm going to raffle him off." The farmer replied, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at 2 dollars a piece and made a profit of $898."

The farmer responded, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny told him, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his 2 dollars back."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
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Old 05-31-06, 09:12 AM   #18
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Couple of drunks in a bar up on the Empire State Building.

The tall one says, "Let's go out and sit on the balcony."

The short one looks out, and says, "mmm... no. I'm so sloshed I might fall over the rail."

The tall one grabs him by the arm and steers him out onto the balcony. "No, man! It's perfecrtly safe! They built this place fashing the ocean, see. The wind comes in , and hits the building, and blows schtrait up the side of it, and you can't fall because the air holds you up! I'll show you!"

He drops his buddy in a chair, climbs up on the rail, raises his arms and does a belly flop into the air.

Short drunk jumps up, just as the tall fellow re-appears, floating up just off the edge, floundering around in the air.

"Thash amazing!"

The tall guy flops around a little, gets his hands on the rail, and pulls himself back onto the balcony. "See! perferctly safe!"

"wow... I gotta try that... here, hold my drink...." Short drunk hands his drink to his friend, and wobbles up onto the rail. He holds up his arms, leans forward... and plummets to the pavement! SPLAT!

The remaining drunk looks over the rail, grins, finishes the drink and staggers back into the bar.

The bartender gives him a reproachful look, shaking his head. "You are one MEAN drunk, Superman."
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Old 05-31-06, 09:18 AM   #19
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An old man is sitting on a park bench, enjoying the sunshine.
He sees a little girl with the face of an angel walking a very fat dog.
He says to the cute little girl, "That's a nice dog."
She shyly says, "Thank you."
He asks, "What's his name?"
With a beautiful smile, she replies, "His name is Porky."
"Hahaha!" the man laughs, "I'll bet you named him Porky because he's chubby, right?"
"No," she said, "He likes to fuck pigs."
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Old 05-31-06, 09:22 AM   #20
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Puns are the lowest form of humor.
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Old 05-31-06, 09:29 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slop101
Puns are the lowest form of humor.
I have a friend that agrees with you. The other day, I tried ten joke puns to make him laugh, but no pun in ten did.
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Old 05-31-06, 09:30 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dork
Spoiler:
Benylin Cough Mixture is people

I still don't get it?!?!?
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Old 05-31-06, 09:33 AM   #23
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Coughing... coffin.... it's aural humor.
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Old 05-31-06, 09:40 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Bus
A belligerent drunk man staggers out of a bar mid-day, yelling incoherently. He mumbles to himself as he walks down the sidewalk and suddenly spies something on the other side of the road: a nun. He runs across traffic and lands an elbow to her back. He picks her up and clumsily suplexes her into a pile of garbage cans. Then he drops onto her again and she's out cold. As he's walking away, you hear him mutter, "You're not so tough, Batman."
ROTFLMAO
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Old 05-31-06, 10:13 AM   #25
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Did you hear about the wooden horse?

Spoiler:
Wooden shit.
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