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Old 10-14-05, 08:23 AM   #1
niteshade
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So...Are guys ever satisfied with the woman they're with?

So, a couple months ago I got out of a relationship with a woman who was fun but wasn't the type of person I could see myself with for the long haul. I just recently started seeing another woman who has a great personality and a great outlook on life. I can definitely see a lot of potential for a long term relationship. But, she's not as attractive as the last woman I was seeing. (hey...guys are visual creatures) She's more along the line of cute. (I'm not posting pics. )I am attracted to her, but right now it's her personality that I really admire. So, I'm a bit torn about developing a relationship with her or keep playing the field. I'm not going to try balancing more than one woman at a time, since it's not fair and a pain in the ass.

I guess my question is...how the hell do you know when you should stop looking and appreciate what you have? Do you ever stop wondering if the grass is greener on the other side?
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Old 10-14-05, 08:31 AM   #2
Th0r S1mpson
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Well, I'm more than satisfied.

When should you stop looking? Not when you're dissatified, that's for sure.

Naturally, as time goes on, things change. That's the nature of relationships. The key is finding the person you are willing to grow with, not grow apart from. Oh, and making sure they aren't a complete lunatic helps too.
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Old 10-14-05, 08:45 AM   #3
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Girls in the magazines are not real. The sooner you accept that the better

I think the problem is that people today are simply too picky and they simple expect "perfect" which is never going to happen. People are all defective.

You have to make a mental list of the couple of things you MUST have
along with a mental list of the couple of things that are 100% deal breakers (like for me a deal breaker is smoking)

If you find someone that meets your list of must haves and doesn't have any of the deal breakers, then the rest can be worked through in one way or another. Keep the list short and precise, remember no one, including you, is perfect.

Looks will fade anyway, don't put too much importance on them if you are young. Wait until she is 55, even the really hot ones need surgery to still be hot at that point. Don't get me wrong, you HAVE to find her attractive physically (looking at her has to excite you in some way), but being "HOT" is not a good item to base a relationship on.

There is a reason the not so hot looking girls have a better personality. They have been forced to develope one where as totally hot girls have had no need.
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Old 10-14-05, 08:49 AM   #4
auto
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You will know.

I am truly satisfied with my girlfriend.
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Old 10-14-05, 08:58 AM   #5
NCMojo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by auto
You will know.

I am truly satisfied with my girlfriend.
And so am I. Because, man, auto's girlfriend is hawt.
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Old 10-14-05, 09:03 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by niteshade
Do you ever stop wondering if the grass is greener on the other side?
When you stop thinking of this question, that's a good sign.
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Old 10-14-05, 09:11 AM   #7
auto
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Originally Posted by NCMojo
And so am I. Because, man, auto's girlfriend is hawt.
Dude! You know I have trust issues. Grrrrrrr.
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Old 10-14-05, 09:15 AM   #8
talemyn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by auto
Dude! You know I have trust issues. Grrrrrrr.
Well in my opinion, you have no reason not to trust Mojo in his assesment . . . your girlfriend definately brings teh hawt.
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Old 10-14-05, 09:22 AM   #9
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Don't downplay the physical attraction factor. If you're thinking long-term, you need to be attracted to one another. That said, a great personality can really affect the way a person appears. A person who's always smiling and laughing always looks more attractive than the somber stick-in-the-mud.
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Old 10-14-05, 09:28 AM   #10
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You can be satisfied with what you have, but dude--the only time you stop looking is when you no longer have a pulse.
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Old 10-14-05, 09:30 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4KRG

(like for me a deal breaker is smoking)

maybe for a serious relationship, but for a casual one....

smoking usually means oral fixation
oral fixation usually means....
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Old 10-14-05, 09:36 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoSpacey
smoking usually means oral fixation
oral fixation usually means....
...lung cancer!
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Old 10-14-05, 09:45 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by niteshade
I am attracted to her, but right now it's her personality that I really admire. So, I'm a bit torn about developing a relationship with her or keep playing the field.
In the long run - even in the short run - you have relationships with personalities, not with bodies. As long as your woman is attractive enough to turn you on, that's enough. Also, attractiveness is a dangerous quality, since there's a strong correlation between beauty and vanity. That gives rise to trust issues - on both sides of that equation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by niteshade
I guess my question is...how the hell do you know when you should stop looking and appreciate what you have? Do you ever stop wondering if the grass is greener on the other side?
Short answer: If you're still looking around, then you're not ready to settle down.

Long answer: The goal is not to find "the perfect relationship," but to find one that's satisfying in the long run. Once you've had a few serious and longer-term relationships, you'll develop a very specific way of evaluating your relationship. The goal then is to find a relationship that satisfies those criteria. It's pretty straightforward.

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Old 10-14-05, 09:47 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4KRG
I think the problem is that people today are simply too picky and they simple expect "perfect" which is never going to happen. People are all defective.
Yeah - the problem with the "perfect" girl is that you wouldn't be worthy of her, and insecurity is toxic to long-term relationships.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4KRG
Wait until she is 55, even the really hot ones need surgery to still be hot at that point.
If you're still interested in "hot" by the time your woman turns 55, then you need to start cutting your Viagra tablets in half.

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Old 10-14-05, 10:50 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by niteshade
So, a couple months ago I got out of a relationship with a woman who was fun but wasn't the type of person I could see myself with for the long haul. I just recently started seeing another woman who has a great personality and a great outlook on life. I can definitely see a lot of potential for a long term relationship. But, she's not as attractive as the last woman I was seeing. (hey...guys are visual creatures) She's more along the line of cute. (I'm not posting pics. )I am attracted to her, but right now it's her personality that I really admire. So, I'm a bit torn about developing a relationship with her or keep playing the field. I'm not going to try balancing more than one woman at a time, since it's not fair and a pain in the ass.

I guess my question is...how the hell do you know when you should stop looking and appreciate what you have? Do you ever stop wondering if the grass is greener on the other side?
how old are you?
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Old 10-14-05, 10:53 AM   #16
niteshade
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sfsdfd
In the long run - even in the short run - you have relationships with personalities, not with bodies. As long as your woman is attractive enough to turn you on, that's enough. Also, attractiveness is a dangerous quality, since there's a strong correlation between beauty and vanity. That gives rise to trust issues - on both sides of that equation.

Short answer: If you're still looking around, then you're not ready to settle down.

Long answer: The goal is not to find "the perfect relationship," but to find one that's satisfying in the long run. Once you've had a few serious and longer-term relationships, you'll develop a very specific way of evaluating your relationship. The goal then is to find a relationship that satisfies those criteria. It's pretty straightforward.

- David Stein
Very informative answer. Thanks.
I'm 34, and I've been in long-term relationships. So, I have a pretty good idea what should make for a good life partner. But, I would only think it natural to question decisions that may affect the rest of your life. I suppose being in an unfullfilling marriage for years and getting divorced may have caused me to be a bit more uncertain about relationships. It might have caused me to be too cautious.

I don't know about your short answer, though. I tend to agree with tdirgins...

Quote:
Originally Posted by tdirgins
You can be satisfied with what you have, but dude--the only time you stop looking is when you no longer have a pulse.
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Old 10-14-05, 10:55 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tdirgins
You can be satisfied with what you have, but dude--the only time you stop looking is when you no longer have a pulse.
This is true and men get criticized because of it. Men are visual creatures. If a man is driving down the road and there is a good-looking woman in a short skirt 2 blocks away, odds are that he'll notice her. The thing is...it doesn't matter if he's single or happily married...he'll still notice her.

Men will always be attracted to women (not just a woman). Hell, we're hard wired with the instinct to spread our seed and with that, comes variety. Now this is a bigger battle for some more than others. Many men are content with being with one woman (though they still notice the short-skirted woman 2 blocks away) while others are not and either never marry or marry late in life.

The key is to communicate this sexual nature of men to your woman so she understands you. An example of this is ask her if she is interested in seeing naked men and she'll probably say she is only interested in seeing you naked. Odds are your answer will not be the same.

Once she understands this difference, your second obligation is to ensure her that the man in you wins out over the male in you. Once you have conquered that internal battle, you're golden.
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Old 10-14-05, 11:02 AM   #18
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Never settle. Way too many people settle, and it only leads to trouble, dissatisfaction and hurt feelings down the road. If you don't feel like she's "the one", don't try to make her "the one". Have some fun and move on. When you meet the right one, she'll knock your socks off and you won't be asking these questions.

Too many people are just impatient and find someone "good enough". To me, that's a crime against yourself and them.
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Old 10-14-05, 11:02 AM   #19
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Looks will matter less when you are actually in the frame of mind of settling down. I tend to think people hit that point independently of who they are dating. At that point, common values and beliefs (especially concerning marriage) is far more important than everything else.
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Old 10-14-05, 11:03 AM   #20
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my wife always hits me when she catches me looking. And today I'm working in the building where they film Martha Stewart's Apprentice and there is so many hot women here. they do modelling shoots and other artsy things here
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Old 10-14-05, 11:07 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by al_bundy
my wife always hits me when she catches me looking.
Reminds me of a friend of mine. I'd go out to dinner with he and his wife sometimes and whenever I did he'd always want to sit facing the wall so he couldn't look. His wife jokingly hit him as well, I just found it amusing that he took a conscious measure to prevent it from happening.
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Old 10-14-05, 11:07 AM   #22
al_bundy
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my wife makes sure i face the wall
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Old 10-14-05, 11:11 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kvrdave
Looks will matter less when you are actually in the frame of mind of settling down. I tend to think people hit that point independently of who they are dating. At that point, common values and beliefs (especially concerning marriage) is far more important than everything else.
This is exactly how I tend to feel. Good point.
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Old 10-14-05, 11:21 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Numanoid
Never settle. Way too many people settle, and it only leads to trouble, dissatisfaction and hurt feelings down the road. If you don't feel like she's "the one", don't try to make her "the one". Have some fun and move on. When you meet the right one, she'll knock your socks off and you won't be asking these questions.

Too many people are just impatient and find someone "good enough". To me, that's a crime against yourself and them.
I have no intention of settling. I do feel like this could be the one. That's my dilemma. The last woman I was with knocked my socks off. I felt like she was "the one" for a few months. After a while, I realized that wasn't the case. We were going in different directions. If I would've went with that initial feeling, I would have eventually been unhappy. This feels like a more mature opportunity for a relationship. We're at similar places in life and are looking for the same things. I feel much more "compatible" with this woman than the one who knocked my socks off in my other relationship. Nonetheless, this woman has pretty much knocked my socks off. It just wasn't instantaneous. The more I talk to her, the more I want to be around her.
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Old 10-14-05, 11:25 AM   #25
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Okay, someone changed the title but then it got changed back
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