Can you be 'friends' after a dating relationship ends?

Save Ferris · 09-12-05, 03:52 PM

Sure in a perfect world, once the loving stops, frienship should resume. But is it reasonable to expect someone to treat you like a great friend if things go sour? Especially if one person ended it and the other didnt want to. Isnt it better to keep your distance to help them let go and move on? Are you a jerk for moving on first and not coddling them through the breakup? Is there some published rulebook somewhere?

kvrdave · 09-12-05, 03:53 PM

Not if it were a very deep relationship, imo.

Those people you dated because they were friends and you were both bored, yeah, that can work. But not someone you were actually planning a future with.

Unless they have big boobies. Forgot that part.

Bandoman · 09-12-05, 03:54 PM

I will be her friend.

Please forward her phone number and email addy. Thanks.

Canadian Bacon · 09-12-05, 03:57 PM

Peed in her butt? If so yes it's possible if no then you're SOL

Save Ferris · 09-12-05, 03:59 PM

Bando isnt your underwear clingy enough?

Bandoman · 09-12-05, 04:00 PM

Not nearly.

happycamper · 09-12-05, 05:23 PM

Yes, but its much easier when they live in another state.

criptik28 · 09-12-05, 05:23 PM

This is a very difficult situation.

MJKTool · 09-12-05, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happycamper

Yes, but its much easier when they live in another state.

Are those dates in your sig the times that you and this out of state short ass had nasty sex?

accessories4sale · 09-12-05, 05:31 PM

In my opinion you can be friends unless the break up was full of drama and people do not speak to each other. Now, I would like a scientific explanation over Canadian Bacon's thesis. Please Mr. Bacon would you care to explain with a little more detail?

criptik28 · 09-12-05, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJKTool

Are those dates in your sig the times that you and this out of state short ass had nasty sex?

Is this the first time you've noticed those dates?

Mole177 · 09-12-05, 05:40 PM

There is no such thing that can exist.

Things will never be the same.

I suggest cutting off all ties.

happycamper · 09-12-05, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJKTool

Are those dates in your sig the times that you and this out of state short ass had nasty sex?

No. Its the dates that we didnt have sex.

Deftones · 09-12-05, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happycamper

No. Its the dates that we didnt have sex.

You can bet those were dates that MJKTool didn't have sex either.

Getting back to the topic at hand. I'm semi-friendly w/ a chick I dated. She was my boss. I ended it. She hated me for a while, but she got over it and we remained friends. I still keep in touch w/ her and see her every so often. I can tell she still likes me, but I'm done w/ her.

LurkerDan · 09-12-05, 06:06 PM

Two of my ex-es are very close friends of mine. On occasion we've had some trouble post-breakup, but for the most part they're just good friends.

Bandoman · 09-12-05, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deftones

You can bet those were dates that MJKTool didn't have sex either.

Ouch!

Save Ferris · 09-12-05, 06:10 PM

So consensus is:
its not cold and heartless, 'proof you never loved' etc to move on? Not rude to have answer emails with short emotionless answers?

Deftones · 09-12-05, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bandoman

Ouch!

Insert preemptive "But Melanie is fat and you banged her" joke here ________________

shoppingbear · 09-12-05, 06:24 PM

Haven't ever been able to, myself... doesn't seem to matter who ended it or why, it's just too difficult to "dial back"... in all senses of the word...

cajun_junky · 09-12-05, 08:05 PM

It may be possible to be friends (again) down the road but there seems to be a period of time that they need apart to completely come to terms with the relationship being over.

BigPete · 09-12-05, 08:08 PM

I'm gonna say no. You can't work together either. I'm currently suffering through both.

Deftones · 09-12-05, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigPete

I'm gonna say no. You can't work together either. I'm currently suffering through both.

Again, not true. I ended up working w/ a chick I dated (my boss) for over a year after we broke up. It was awkward at first, but we got over it.

Tracer Bullet · 09-12-05, 08:39 PM

I'm friends with two of my exes. They weren't serious relationships, though.

fumanstan · 09-12-05, 09:18 PM

I'm still friends with my ex who I was with for 3 years. There was some awkwardness at first, particularly on my end and whenever the subject of other guys she was interested in came up, however that's mostly gone now and we hang out every week or two.

Kumar J · 09-12-05, 09:19 PM

I had a gf and she and after I broke up and she ended up marrying my best freind.He was always interested in her and asked me if I had any problems.I said I have none cause I never loved her and she was the one wanting to have a relationship with me.
Now it seems he likes to pretend I never existed and she is always emailing me.I am still a friend to her but with my best freind I think he does not want me anywhere near him or his wife

09-12-05, 03:52 PM	#1
Save Ferris DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 12,676	Can you be 'friends' after a dating relationship ends? Sure in a perfect world, once the loving stops, frienship should resume. But is it reasonable to expect someone to treat you like a great friend if things go sour? Especially if one person ended it and the other didnt want to. Isnt it better to keep your distance to help them let go and move on? Are you a jerk for moving on first and not coddling them through the breakup? Is there some published rulebook somewhere? __________________ This weeks horoscope: “You’ll spend your remaining years hooked up to a machine, which is sad, as it’s the kind that checks e-mail and sends out texts.”

09-12-05, 03:53 PM	#2
kvrdave DVD Talk God Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Pacific NW Posts: 79,134	Not if it were a very deep relationship, imo. Those people you dated because they were friends and you were both bored, yeah, that can work. But not someone you were actually planning a future with. Unless they have big boobies. Forgot that part. __________________ Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victim may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated, but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. - C.S. Lewis

09-12-05, 03:54 PM	#3
Bandoman DVD Talk Hero Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: a small cottage on a cul de sac in the lower pits of hell. Posts: 27,797	I will be her friend. Please forward her phone number and email addy. Thanks. __________________ "...Bando...you are perfect and awesome." - 4KRG

09-12-05, 03:59 PM	#5
Save Ferris DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 12,676	Bando isnt your underwear clingy enough? __________________ This weeks horoscope: “You’ll spend your remaining years hooked up to a machine, which is sad, as it’s the kind that checks e-mail and sends out texts.”

09-12-05, 04:00 PM	#6
Bandoman DVD Talk Hero Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: a small cottage on a cul de sac in the lower pits of hell. Posts: 27,797	Not nearly. __________________ "...Bando...you are perfect and awesome." - 4KRG

09-12-05, 03:57 PM	#4
Canadian Bacon DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: North of the South Pole, South of the North Pole Posts: 18,298	Peed in her butt? If so yes it's possible if no then you're SOL

09-12-05, 05:23 PM	#7
happycamper DVD Talk Limited Edition Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: At the beach Posts: 6,085	Yes, but its much easier when they live in another state. __________________ 8/28 ~ 9/9 ~10/12 ~ 11/22 ~ 12/29 ~ 1/18 ~ 2/14 ~ 4/4 ~ 5/11 ~ 6/28 ~ 8/9

09-12-05, 05:23 PM	#8
criptik28 DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 14,809	This is a very difficult situation.

09-12-05, 05:31 PM	#10
accessories4sale Needs to contact an admin about multiple accounts Join Date: May 2000 Location: Southern CA Posts: 989	In my opinion you can be friends unless the break up was full of drama and people do not speak to each other. Now, I would like a scientific explanation over Canadian Bacon's thesis. Please Mr. Bacon would you care to explain with a little more detail?

09-12-05, 05:40 PM	#12
Mole177 DVD Talk Ultimate Edition Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Glendale, Ca Posts: 4,363	There is no such thing that can exist. Things will never be the same. I suggest cutting off all ties. __________________ When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

09-12-05, 06:06 PM	#15
LurkerDan DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: The People's Republic of Boulder Posts: 17,066	Two of my ex-es are very close friends of mine. On occasion we've had some trouble post-breakup, but for the most part they're just good friends. __________________ "I have dictionary facts to support me." - art "we get paid for butt time" - mosquitobite "It felt much more comfortable when I was trying them on. No sharp edge poking my skin." - Buford T. Pusser

09-12-05, 06:10 PM	#17
Save Ferris DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 12,676	So consensus is: its not cold and heartless, 'proof you never loved' etc to move on? Not rude to have answer emails with short emotionless answers? __________________ This weeks horoscope: “You’ll spend your remaining years hooked up to a machine, which is sad, as it’s the kind that checks e-mail and sends out texts.”

09-12-05, 06:24 PM	#19
shoppingbear DVD Talk Ultimate Edition Join Date: May 2003 Location: Lounging on the beach in L.A., frappucino in hand... Posts: 4,273	Haven't ever been able to, myself... doesn't seem to matter who ended it or why, it's just too difficult to "dial back"... in all senses of the word... __________________ "Say what you will... it's not where you meet, but where you go from there..." -- Thor Simpson "There is added visual entertainment with the flamethrower though. It's like a field of lighting bugs roaming merrily around the basement except, of course, they are on fire." --Dave99 "Here comes the battle of the stupid analogies" - Al Bundy "Otters are masters of stupid analogies." - Abelkems

09-12-05, 08:05 PM	#20
cajun_junky DVD Talk Special Edition Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Bluegrass State Posts: 1,271	It may be possible to be friends (again) down the road but there seems to be a period of time that they need apart to completely come to terms with the relationship being over. __________________ DVD Profiler

09-12-05, 08:08 PM	#21
BigPete DVD Talk Hall of Fame Join Date: Oct 1999 Location: not CT Posts: 9,479	I'm gonna say no. You can't work together either. I'm currently suffering through both. __________________ "What, are you kidding? Leviticus is an action packed thrill a minute! From the beginning where the lord tells Moses how to properly sacrifice animals (with much talk of blood and killing and the word "asunder" used a couple of times), to the very end where he's telling Moses what the value of a human being is, insofar as how much he should give to priests. And the bit in the middle about how everyone should keep their clothes on? Wow, just WOW, that's all I have to say." -Otto

09-12-05, 08:39 PM	#23
Tracer Bullet DVD Talk Legend Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: IND Crosstown Posts: 23,358	I'm friends with two of my exes. They weren't serious relationships, though. __________________ Third World countries are worthy of our derision. -Sean O'Hara Personally, I would say that Tracer Bullet is leading you in the wrong direction. -Supermallet Sometimes you have to decide between the guy who won't give you a cupcake and the one who will stab you in the face. -DeputyDave

09-12-05, 09:18 PM	#24
fumanstan DVD Talk Hero Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Irvine, CA Posts: 33,339	I'm still friends with my ex who I was with for 3 years. There was some awkwardness at first, particularly on my end and whenever the subject of other guys she was interested in came up, however that's mostly gone now and we hang out every week or two. __________________ 3x Sheep Champion VG Round 1b \| VG Round 7 \| NFL

09-12-05, 09:19 PM	#25
Kumar J DVD Talk Platinum Edition Join Date: Dec 1999 Location: Berlin Posts: 3,819	I had a gf and she and after I broke up and she ended up marrying my best freind.He was always interested in her and asked me if I had any problems.I said I have none cause I never loved her and she was the one wanting to have a relationship with me. Now it seems he likes to pretend I never existed and she is always emailing me.I am still a friend to her but with my best freind I think he does not want me anywhere near him or his wife __________________ Necessity is, after all, the mother of invention PSN Tag: zamoch1t