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Old 03-30-03, 05:35 PM   #1
Buford T Pusser
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How Do Porcupines Make Love?

Anyone have any experience with this?



Our little friend gets a woody




How Do Porcupines Make Love?


by Wendy Cooper
Australian National University
Canberra, ACT, Australia

How do porcupines make love? You would probably think the answer is "very carefully," but you would probably be wrong.

The answer is more improbable and much more bizarre than that. While browsing in the basement of the Australian National University library one day, I came across two papers (see references below) which described in great detail the details of the porcupineís sex life. The information contained in these papers is of such great importance it is paraphrased and presented here. The next time a friend asks you how porcupines make love, you can set them straight by describing these events (in as much detail as you dare).


The Animals

The porcupines in the study were part of a colony kept at the Biology Department at the University of Buffalo during the 1940s. The colony consisted of 5 females (Maudie, Nightie, Prickles, Snooks and Skeezix) and 3 males (Old Dad, Pinkie,[1] and Johnnie).


Female pre-copulation

It was noted that the animals of both sexes objected to being stroked or having their feet, tail base, or genitals touched by the authors. In July/August, as the mating season approached, the female porcupine would often rub her genitals on structures such as food and water dishes, sticks, and the cage wire. As the season progressed she sought and accepted more frequent tactile stimulation (presumably from the human investigators). As the mating season approached, young females become more nervous and excited and put more "vim, vigor and action" into their activities. They would even "seize, straddle, and ride sticks about the cage" walking erect and stimulating their genitalia with the stick. This period of excitement was followed by a stage the female went off her food, remained close to the male and "moped." During this period the female even accepted the insertion of a thermometer into the vagina (which she resisted at other times).


Male courtship behaviour

When placed in a cage with a female the male porcupine toured the whole area rubbing everything with his nose. He carefully smelled all items, paying closest attention to objects that had been in contact with the female and the places where she had urinated. He often walked about the cage on three legs, clutching at his genitals with his free left front paw. Like the females, the male rubbed his genitals on objects in the cage, and it appeared that the larger the object the more attractive as a rubbing place. The authors describe having to remove a one and a half inch spike from the frame of one cage as they feared that the animalís vigorous rubbing would result in injury. Males also indulged in "stick riding" as described for females. Males would often "sing"[2] during this period and became more aggressive with other males. When the male encountered the female porcupine he smelled her all over, then reared up on his hind legs, his penis fully erect. If the female was not ready she ran away. If she was prepared for mating she also reared up and faced the male, belly-to-belly. In this position most males then sprayed the female with a strong stream of urine,[3] soaking her from head to foot.[4] She would either 1) object vocally, 2) strike with her front paws, as though boxing, 3) threaten or try to bite, or 4) shake off the urine and run away. If ready for mating the female did not object strongly to this shower. This courtship routine occurred several times in the days or weeks leading up to copulation.


Mating

Mating occurred in November or December. While females at the peak of receptivity would accept any male, males required a period of close association with the females before they would mate with them. The male made sexual contact from behind the female. The spines of both animals were relaxed and lay flat. His thrusts were of the "usual nature" and were produced by flexing and straightening the knees. Males did not grasp the female in any way. Mating continued until the male was exhausted. Each time he broke away from the female she would re-establish contact. One younger female made grunting and whining sounds throughout. If males refused to co-operate, the female approached a nearby male and acted out the male role in coition with the uninvolved male. Females only remained sexually receptive for a few hours and then rejected males.


Post-copulation

While the pre-copulatory period was described as "warming up," the post-copulatory period was a "cooling off" time. Females rejected males, engaging in the same activities as for pre-copulation, but in reverse order.


Conclusions

1. Young children should be banned from university library basements.


2. Sometimes the most improbable science is also the truest.


3. Never stand close to a cage that contains courting porcupines.


Notes

1. He was not pink at all, but albino.


2. Actually described as whining.


3. In one case, urine was measured on the lab floor 6 foot 7 inches from the point of discharge.


4. Johnnie (a young and inexperienced male) would charge the female from this position, trying to wrestle her to the ground and make sexual contact ventrally. He was never successful.


References

"The Sex Reactions of Porcupines (Erethizon d. dorsatum) Before and After Copulation," Albert R. Shadle, Marilyn Smelzer & Margery Metz, Journal of Mammalogy, vol. 27, no. 2, 1946, pp. 116-21.


"Copulation in the Porcupine," Albert R. Shadle, Journal of Wildlife Management, vol. 10, no. 2, 1946, pp. 159-62.

© Copyright 2002 Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)





http://www.improb.com/airchives/pape...orcupines.html
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Old 03-30-03, 05:49 PM   #2
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i read every word. i'm fascinated.
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Old 03-30-03, 06:01 PM   #3
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Anyone wanna give it a try?
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Old 03-30-03, 06:01 PM   #4
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Anyone have any experience with this?

Quote:
Females only remained sexually receptive for a few hours and then rejected males.
Um, no. Why do you ask?
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Old 03-30-03, 06:02 PM   #5
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Re: How Do Porcupines Make Love?

Quote:
Originally posted by Buford T Pusser

Id hit it.
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Old 03-30-03, 06:06 PM   #6
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definately very interesting. thanks buford!
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Old 03-30-03, 06:14 PM   #7
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I'd give her a try

Quote:
Originally posted by BigPete


Anyone wanna give it a try?
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Old 03-30-03, 06:19 PM   #8
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I feel sad for Johnnie.
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Old 03-30-03, 06:24 PM   #9
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I'd give her a try
are you gonna start by pissing on her?
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Old 03-30-03, 07:01 PM   #10
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Fools, porcupines don't love!
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Old 03-30-03, 07:37 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by BigPete


If she's a lesbian, I feel sorry for her girlfriend.
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Old 03-30-03, 09:26 PM   #12
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All it takes is a little prick. Get it? Prick? Quills? Pokey?

Ah what do you know from funny.
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Old 03-30-03, 09:32 PM   #13
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are you sure this is about porcupines and not otters??

"What did you do today honey?" "Oh, I stimulated a female porcupine with a digital thermometer."
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Old 03-30-03, 10:21 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by spankasmurf
are you sure this is about porcupines and not otters??

"What did you do today honey?" "Oh, I stimulated a female porcupine with a digital thermometer."
well, an otter has a larger orifice, so i'm sure it won't be a thermometer
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Old 03-30-03, 10:24 PM   #15
joltaddict
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Quote:
Originally posted by D.Pham00
well, an otter has a larger orifice, so i'm sure it won't be a thermometer
Speak for yourself, hobag!
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Old 03-30-03, 10:25 PM   #16
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I'm pretty sure this is how..
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Old 03-31-03, 02:04 PM   #17
Buford T Pusser
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Quote:
Originally posted by joltaddict
I feel sad for Johnnie.
Johnnie?


edit to add:

Oops. I just read the article again. Nevermind-didn't mean to be a prick.
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Old 03-31-03, 02:26 PM   #18
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Besides, the thread needed the usual bump.
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Old 03-31-03, 02:33 PM   #19
Buford T Pusser
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Quote:
Originally posted by X
Besides, the thread needed the usual bump.
You make a good point. I'd forgotten about it (as you'll notice I never did post in this thread again) and I know many of the day people hadn't seen it since it was probably on page three or four since last night's exciting hayday!

Thanks for the support!
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Old 03-31-03, 02:55 PM   #20
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quote:
"If she was prepared for mating she also reared up and faced the male, belly-to-belly. In this position most males then sprayed the female with a strong stream of urine,[3] soaking her from head to foot."


Now THATS funny.
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Old 03-31-03, 02:59 PM   #21
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Quote:
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Besides, the thread needed the usual bump.
...and grind.
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Old 03-31-03, 03:22 PM   #22
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Porcupines are little pricks.
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Old 03-31-03, 05:57 PM   #23
Buford T Pusser
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Quote:
Originally posted by Zodo
quote:
"If she was prepared for mating she also reared up and faced the male, belly-to-belly. In this position most males then sprayed the female with a strong stream of urine,[3] soaking her from head to foot."


Now THATS funny.
Golden showers and bestiality (or would that count?). That's kinky.
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Old 03-31-03, 08:48 PM   #24
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Re: How Do Porcupines Make Love?

Quote:
Originally posted by Buford T Pusser
He often walked about the cage on three legs, clutching at his genitals with his free left front paw.
So not much different from a frat house eh?
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Old 03-31-03, 09:05 PM   #25
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Quote:
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Speak for yourself, hobag!
hey! i know this from personal experience
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