Seantn

In a movie that nobody has heard about until now because it probably just started filming, Vampire Movie will debut in theaters in a mere two and a half months from now. The guys that made Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Epic Movie....Yeah, they got 20th Century Fox to give them money to make another crap fest.

Generally, people say, "Well, they may suck, but they make money!"

Disaster Movie actually did not light the box office on fire, hence the 2 year gap between this and their last film. If this one bombs even worse, perhaps it could either give an even longer gap between their films or wipe them off Hollywood's radar all together.

Bluelitespecial

If they are going to continue to parody movie genres, they might as well say we are going to spend 80 minutes making fun of twilight.

Matthew Chmiel

The search function is your friend.

http://forum.dvdtalk.com/movie-talk/...tzer-back.html

E. Honda

Here's what the movie will contain:

1. Badly dressed, no-name actors in who vaguely resemble the cast of Harry Potter, spouting "necrophilia vs. beastiality" jokes
2. jokes about Michael Jackson coming back from the dead as a vampire
3. jokes about Gary Coleman coming back from the dead as a vampire
4. Iron Man fighting vampires
5. The Prince of Persia fighting vampires
6. The A-Team fighting vampires
7. The girls from Sex and the City being and/or fighting vampires
8. The Last Airbender fighting vampires
9. A shitty rip-off of Jonah Hex fighting vampires
10. Cameos from whatever Z-grade losers they can scrounge up in the one week they have to cast the film

All that, and then a twenty minute montage of outtakes backed by a rip off of a popular song, and you have a 90 minute movie.

MrSmearkase

11. Characters being crushed by falling cows

Perkinsun Dzees

You forgot the Avatar parodies.

Panda Phil

God help us all.

riotinmyskull

i'll bet there's a tiger woods joke!

MrSmearkase

Trailer

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EMBED-Vampires Suck - Watch more free videos

Yikes!

Apparently, a workprint of the film has been online for a week or two now.

Rypro 525

someone told me that this is actualy gonna play in front of Predators (i will boo it if it does)

MrSmearkase

/\ It's possible... They are both distributed by Fox

Supermallet

Not at my theater. We've got Machete as the attached trailer.

MrSmearkase

/\ It didn't come loose in the can?

EDIT: I just realized the irony of this statement, as every film from these two could be considered 'loose in the can.'

Supermallet

Given that we are all digital, no, I doubt it came loose in the can.

Groucho

I think I can loose something in the can that would be better than that flick.

tylergfoster

Ha ha, people are watching this trailer.

Rypro 525

we wanna see how bad/stupid it looks

anomynous

Woah, woah, woah


New trailer?

Supermallet

I haven't seen any previous trailer, so it's new to me!

JJE-187

My wife wants to see this she drug me out of bed at 3AM to watch Eclipse so this damn movie better not have any midnight showings or I will be pissed

Jam Master Jay

This looks awesome!! The part when he was all like "I'm a killer" and then shot Alice from Alice in Wonderland and she fell down the rabbit hole...I was like whoa no they didn't!!!

Rypro 525

drag her to the midnight screenings of the Expendables (or any other really manly macho movies) and all will be good

Vipper II

And in each case the viewers will actually be told who these people are so we don't have to go through the trouble of figuring out that the blond in the blue dress is Alice, or that the really short, tough-talking black dude is Gary Coleman.

chuckd21

I will never watch this movie. Poor Ken Jeong.

E. Honda

I will spare you the agony of watching this film, with the blow-by-blow (in order of appearance):

1. SPF-500 sunblock joke.
2. A vampire's sparkle is caused by a disco ball attached to his penis.
3. Required Tiger Woods sex addiction joke? Check.
4. Only took them three minutes and 43 seconds to make an incest joke.
5. Teen angst iPod playlist.
6. Homeless vampire with 'Will work for blood sign".
7. Becca has a huge cactus for a pet.
8. Becca's dad has a blow-up sex doll.
9. Becca's dad thinks she's still two years old, so he carries her in a baby sling.
10. Paralyzed Indian in a wheelchair makes it perfectly clear that his penis doesn't work.
11. Becca's dad beats the crap out of said Indian.
12. Jacob has fleas, and pisses on a fire hydrant.
13. "Sporks High School - Home of the Bloodsuckers"
14. As the new kid in school, Becca is tormented and assaulted.
15. Eleven minutes and 33 seconds: another incest joke.
16. People who eat human flesh and sleep in coffins are Canadian.
17. Meet the douchebags from Jersey Shore.
18. Edward Sullen has a Facebook page, and his status is SINGLE.
19. 'Becca stinks' joke #1
20. 'Becca stinks' joke #2
21. "The Vampire Diaries" is a high school textbook.
22. Edward can juggle apples, bowling balls, and human infants.
23. Rastafarian vampire has the munchies.
24. Vampires are often mistaken for the Black Eyed Peas.
25. Gossip Girl interrupts Becca's inner monologue.
26. Becca thinks Jacob is like her little gay brother, despite his gifts of flowers and ballons that say 'I love you'.
27. Jacob has a tail now.
28. Obligatory Kardashians reference? Check.
29. Becca maces her father, kicks him in the balls, and rips off his moustache.
30. At night, Edward puts his hair in curlers and uses Crest White strips.
31. 'Becca stinks' joke #3
32. Edward Sullen, Vampire Extraordinaire: 'once you go bat, you never go back'
33. Please donate to the Sullen family blood drive.
34. Prom theme will be vampires, which just happens to be coincidental.
35. Pale skin, good fashion sense, and abstinent? Must be a Jonas brother.
36. Vampires like to eat Count Chocula.
37. A vampire's glow comes from bling-bling the likes of which even Mr. T has never seen.
38. Edward is a killer, and shoots Alice, who falls down the rabbit hole.
39. Most vampires aren't into oral sex.
40. Vampires like to hunt the real housewives of Atlanta.
41. Sexual role playing with a vampire requires a Barack Obama mask.
42. Purity rings make good tongue studs.
43. Edward tosses a scantily clad Becca through the roof of her house.
44. Stephanie Meyer's Twitter page is a good source of inisghtful sex advice for teens.
45. Edward promises Becca she will never get hurt while with him, while a ton of bricks falls on her.
46. Jacob makes a good bloodhound.
47. Wheelchair Indian can fly.
48. Illegal immigration joke #1
49. Finger food is literally exactly that.
50. Vampires envision humans as Big Macs.
51. Arterial spray makes a nice blood-champagne fountain.
52. Obligatory Lindsay Lohan cocaine joke? Check.
53. When vampires order out for Chinese delivery, they eat the delivery boy.
54. A vampire's preferred method of locomotion is a Segway.
55. 18 years old is practically a cougar.
56. Dating Chris Brown is considered reckless behavior.
57. Becca maces Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
58. If a denture-wearing vampire bites you, the venom can be sucked out with a straw.
59. The Vampire Bro Code prevents the eating of ex-girlfriends.
60. When the Kardashians play baseball, they use human heads.
61. When you have nightmares that make you scream, use a bullhorn.
62. Becca's angst levels are higher than iCarly, One Tree Hill, and 16 and Pregnant, and Secret Life of the American Teenager.
63. Becca's father thinks Edward is a fine piece of ass.
64. Remember the blow-up sex doll? It's Becca's stepmother.
65. Becca and her BFF are seen exiting "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn" and declare that it sucks.
66. Jacob is Jewish.
67. Singing a Taylor Swift song and playing the guitar while riding a motorcycle is a good way to see Edward.
68. A male werewolf has eight teets.
69. Vampires like Tabasco sauce on the humans they eat.
70. Jacob isn't a wolf, he's a chihuahua.
71. Hallelujah, it's raining men (well, gay werewolves that is).
72. Jacob is the coverboy for Teen Beat magazine.
73. Sex and the City is good therapy for a self-loathing, depressed vampire.
74. Lady GaGa is freaky enough for a vampire on the rebound.
75. Jacob's contract requires him to remove his shirt for every ten minutes of screen time.
76. With Jacob, Becca feels safe. With Edward, it's all about her vajayjay.
77. Fox News is an evil bloodsucker who only cares about itself and its own narrow vision of the world.
78. The 'new moon' is actually Edward's ass, clearly displayed in all its wrinkled, pale glory.
79. The final, emotional climax of a vampire film is best said while doing the Hustle.
80. "Dear Edward, I'm going to kill you. Have a great summer! Love always, DARO."
81. 69,000 votes for Prom King and Queen (out of a class of 300) is an excellent plot device.
82. Not sure where to bite someone to turn them into a vampire? Look for the convenient 'insert fangs here' tattoo.
83. A ravid teen Twihard kills Edward with a spike to the head, and screams, "Team Jacob, BITCH!"

Cut to black. The end.