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Fatty Weeble Wobble, is that you? skiblet writes to Dear Abby [Archive] - DVD Talk Forum
 
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View Full Version : Fatty Weeble Wobble, is that you? skiblet writes to Dear Abby


RunBandoRun
04-09-12, 10:11 PM
From today's column, April 9, 2012:

(www.dearabby.com)

DEAR ABBY: I work for a small company. Employees here bring in treats to share and leave them in our break area so co-workers can help themselves. One employee, "Karen," sits at a desk that is very near the lounge, and snaps to attention when anyone walks by with treats in hand. Then she jumps up and follows them into the lounge, where she lingers until the snacks are ready.

She'll hover over the trays of whatever is being offered while eating "samples." Then she takes a huge helping and stands nearby while she eats it. She follows that up by taking more back to her desk. It's annoying to see a plate of cookies or a pan of brownies that were brought to share with everyone gobbled down by one person.

Karen earns a good salary. She certainly has enough money to buy her own food. So, Abby, what's a good way to tell her to stop? -- MISSING MY COOKIES IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR MISSING YOUR COOKIES: Try this. The next time one of you brings a treat to the office, put a sign next to it that reads, "One to a customer, please," or tell "Miss Piggy" in plain English that she's taking too much of a good thing.

* * * * * * * *

This column just reminded me so much of calhoun07's tirade a few years back about "Snack Day" at his office ... did he move to PA? :lol:

Heat
04-09-12, 11:49 PM
Sounds like Karen has some personality issues.

DVD Polizei
04-10-12, 12:01 AM
I actually bought a good amount of food for an office thing about two months ago because I'm not normally in a physical office (thank God).

Well, come to find out, some motherfucker took all the leftover food home at the end of the day, leaving nothing the next day (and I was pissed as I expected to have lunch with the remaining food as I bought a lot). Oh no. She Didn't leave it for others to munch on during lunch for the rest of the week...just took it home all for herself.

I said to myself, FUCK THIS OFFICE BROTHERLY & SISTERLY SHARING SHIT.

I'm buying Slim Fast for these fuckers now.

And all the cans are still in the refrigerator after a week. :up:

Charlie Goose
04-10-12, 12:48 AM
Same thing happened to me just last week. I bought two different boxes of fruit & cereal bars, and didn't like either one, so I brought the remaining to work and left them on the counter in the kitchen. One person took all but one.

The Bus
04-10-12, 04:03 PM
Leave it on your desk.

Navinabob
04-10-12, 04:36 PM
Bring in snacks made with sugar-free chocolate only. Anyone who eats one will be fine... Piggy, on the other hand, will be shitting themselves at work.

Th0r S1mpson
04-10-12, 04:43 PM
Wouldn't a simple comment like "wow, now I see where your extra pounds have been coming from" both increase the office snack supply and improve her health by inspiring better decisions?

Numanoid
04-10-12, 05:23 PM
I hate food scavengers with a passion. Take one and move on with some dignity. These are the same people that come to Costco in order to feed their whole family from the sample ladies. Lower than mimes in the social order.

islandclaws
04-10-12, 05:36 PM
We used to have a snack (mostly candy) drawer in my dept. It had to be removed because all the fat asses I work with would clear it out within a day, regardless of how incredibly full it was. The offenders reminded me of how dogs eat when they find unwatched human food, grabbing as much as they can in fear of never getting this opportunity again.

Rockmjd23
04-10-12, 05:43 PM
Unless you work in a gym, bringing snacks to the office always results in the person with the "glandular problem" eating them all.

Josh-da-man
04-10-12, 06:05 PM
As someone who seldom consumes food brought into the workplace, I have an outsider's perspective on the phenomenon.

(1) People tend to obsess on what and how much the overweight people eat. Anything they eat is going to be too much for a lot of people. "Becky" will complain about "fatty" eating two cookes when "Becky" ate five. Even if "Fatty" doesn't eat anything, those same people will bitch about "Fatty" looking at the food or watching them eat. Notice that "Karen" isn't described as being fat, yet it is assumed she is.

(2) It is bizarre watching people who make fifty thousand dollars a year want to go to war over a thirty-five cent donut. I don't know why, but people go fucking crazy over food brought into the workplace. They're trying to hide food from other people, throw tantrums when they don't get the cookie they wanted, trying to ensure certain people don't get any of the food, or whatever.

(3) What I find particularly annoying are the people who think they are entitled to bring food home to their families. If we order pizzas for the office, there's inevitably a few people who want to put away a whole pizza to take home to their husband and kids. And then they're pissed off when I say "No, you can't do that. We didn't get enough for everyone to take a whole pizza home. And it wouldn't be fair to let you take home more than your share."

(4) "Let's have a pot luck dinner!" This sucks because you're going to have three or four people basically cooking and catering the whole meal while everyone else brings a sack of chips or a 2L bottle of soda. We do not do this. We either have everyone chip in and have a restaurant cater a meal, or we order pizzas. (See above.) Otherwise, you have shit like "Say, Joe, I know that your wife is making two casseroles and a cake for the potluck dinner, but I really like that dessert she made for the Christmas party. Would you have her make one of those, too?" And, of course, the person who asked this question is going to bring nothing but a fucking bag of Doritos.

NORML54601
04-10-12, 06:54 PM
Three words: Chocolate flavored laxatives

Sigh
04-10-12, 07:21 PM
Otherwise, you have shit like "Say, Joe, I know that your wife is making two casseroles and a cake for the potluck dinner, but I really like that dessert she made for the Christmas party. Would you have her make one of those, too?" And, of course, the person who asked this question is going to bring nothing but a fucking bag of Doritos.Fuck you, my bag of Doritos was a hit.








:)

Navinabob
04-10-12, 07:37 PM
Three words: Chocolate flavored laxatives

Basically, that is sugar-free chocolate. That's why they all have "laxative warning" in tiny print on the back of the packages.

RunBandoRun
04-10-12, 10:17 PM
As someone who seldom consumes food brought into the workplace, I have an outsider's perspective on the phenomenon.

(1) People tend to obsess on what and how much the overweight people eat. Anything they eat is going to be too much for a lot of people. "Becky" will complain about "fatty" eating two cookes when "Becky" ate five. Even if "Fatty" doesn't eat anything, those same people will bitch about "Fatty" looking at the food or watching them eat. Notice that "Karen" isn't described as being fat, yet it is assumed she is.

(2) It is bizarre watching people who make fifty thousand dollars a year want to go to war over a thirty-five cent donut. I don't know why, but people go fucking crazy over food brought into the workplace. They're trying to hide food from other people, throw tantrums when they don't get the cookie they wanted, trying to ensure certain people don't get any of the food, or whatever.

(3) What I find particularly annoying are the people who think they are entitled to bring food home to their families. If we order pizzas for the office, there's inevitably a few people who want to put away a whole pizza to take home to their husband and kids. And then they're pissed off when I say "No, you can't do that. We didn't get enough for everyone to take a whole pizza home. And it wouldn't be fair to let you take home more than your share."

(4) "Let's have a pot luck dinner!" This sucks because you're going to have three or four people basically cooking and catering the whole meal while everyone else brings a sack of chips or a 2L bottle of soda. We do not do this. We either have everyone chip in and have a restaurant cater a meal, or we order pizzas. (See above.) Otherwise, you have shit like "Say, Joe, I know that your wife is making two casseroles and a cake for the potluck dinner, but I really like that dessert she made for the Christmas party. Would you have her make one of those, too?" And, of course, the person who asked this question is going to bring nothing but a fucking bag of Doritos.

I hold my Bic lighter aloft, flaming in support.*


































* or would, if I actually owned one. :D BTW, something about the first sentence you made in #2 caused me to laugh so hard (while trying to be quiet cos Sgt Honeylamb is already asleep) that I damn near passed out. Well played, sire. ;)

arminius
04-11-12, 09:27 AM
I hold my Bic lighter aloft, flaming in support.*

It's funny but so true. It's amazing what a little bit of free food does to people. And by no means are the worst offenders the fat ones. I guess free just tastes better to some.
































* or would, if I actually owned one. :D BTW, something about the first sentence you made in #2 caused me to laugh so hard (while trying to be quiet cos Sgt Honeylamb is already asleep) that I damn near passed out. Well played, sire. ;)

RunBandoRun
04-11-12, 03:31 PM
It's funny but so true. It's amazing what a little bit of free food does to people. And by no means are the worst offenders the fat ones. I guess free just tastes better to some.

:thumbsup: I have known two really, really skinny women I worked with in two different offices to be like this. One was from Southeast Asia and had grown up really poor, and I think she had a hoarding thing going with food. The other one would totally run over everyone else to get to the food when we had a potluck. And I'm talking standing there, trembling, obviously just RARING to get at the tables while the boss man or whoever made the customary food-day speech before the meal. :lol: So when I read this letter I didn't have a visual of a lardbutt ... but of a really skinny sixtyish woman like I used to work with. :D

Quatermass
04-11-12, 05:20 PM
As someone who seldom consumes food brought into the workplace, I have an outsider's perspective on the phenomenon.

(1) People tend to obsess on what and how much the overweight people eat. Anything they eat is going to be too much for a lot of people. "Becky" will complain about "fatty" eating two cookes when "Becky" ate five. Even if "Fatty" doesn't eat anything, those same people will bitch about "Fatty" looking at the food or watching them eat. Notice that "Karen" isn't described as being fat, yet it is assumed she is.

(2) It is bizarre watching people who make fifty thousand dollars a year want to go to war over a thirty-five cent donut. I don't know why, but people go fucking crazy over food brought into the workplace. They're trying to hide food from other people, throw tantrums when they don't get the cookie they wanted, trying to ensure certain people don't get any of the food, or whatever.

(3) What I find particularly annoying are the people who think they are entitled to bring food home to their families. If we order pizzas for the office, there's inevitably a few people who want to put away a whole pizza to take home to their husband and kids. And then they're pissed off when I say "No, you can't do that. We didn't get enough for everyone to take a whole pizza home. And it wouldn't be fair to let you take home more than your share."

(4) "Let's have a pot luck dinner!" This sucks because you're going to have three or four people basically cooking and catering the whole meal while everyone else brings a sack of chips or a 2L bottle of soda. We do not do this. We either have everyone chip in and have a restaurant cater a meal, or we order pizzas. (See above.) Otherwise, you have shit like "Say, Joe, I know that your wife is making two casseroles and a cake for the potluck dinner, but I really like that dessert she made for the Christmas party. Would you have her make one of those, too?" And, of course, the person who asked this question is going to bring nothing but a fucking bag of Doritos.

Well said, sir, well said.

We have a lady at our place (not fat) who is always trying to score a free dinner for her family when there's food brought in. Her office is right next to the break room and anytime anyone goes in there, she's right behind them to scavenge. If you've ever had a dog watching you eat, it's kind of like that.