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View Full Version : Can We Borrow Your Cat? Again?


nickdawgy
03-29-12, 09:09 AM
So I wanted to get the opinion of Otter (always dangerous, I know) regarding this little car issue I have with my in-laws.

My second car, the older 2003 Kia Spectra runs like crap for the most part, and we are kind of just waiting for the inevitable day when it just conks out or has this repair that isn't worth fixing.

The in-laws have a 2004 Honda CR-V that hasn't ran in I'd say six months. Since they only have one other car, guess who they come to when they need to use a second car?

Now, hold on...

Before you say "Hey, those are your in-law's, be cool about loaning it out" listen to the rest of the story.

They won't fix their CR-V. They haven't had a professional look at it, nor have they taken it to the dealer because "it'd cost too much to have it towed". Instead they have friends come over and speculate on what the problem is. They have no idea how much it'll cost to fix, and just assume that it will be thousands of dollars.

In case anyone is wondering, it just won't start. It's not the battery, it has gas, etc. So i don't know.

He also has the wrong sized tires on the car, and won't buy new ones because they "cost too much to worry about".

So they ask us at least three to four times a week to borrow our car. 99% of the time, they gas it up (only my father-in-law is lazy sometimes and doesn't) so that's not the problerm. The problem is wear and tear on a car that is already on it's last legs.

So when the Kia craps out, what are they going to do? Probably start asking my brother-in-law to use his truck (they have already started to in fact).

So a typical week is the mother-in-law borrowing the car after work, so she takes it home. She uses it a few days, probably puts a couple hundred miles on it, and then returns it. But when she drops it off, she needs a ride back home, so that's another 25 miles round trip. My wife uses it for work enough already, driving at least 150-200 miles a week round trip.

The thing is fast approaching 200k miles, and it needs a new tranny, and it occaisonally leaks fluids.

Now another question is you might be asking "If you have money, help them with their car".

I've thought about that, but they have money as well. The father-in-law just spends it on stupid things like Blu-Ray's just because there is a sale, video games (when he has like 50 games he hasn't finished), stuff on eBay, ridiculous business ventures that lose money, guitars, cat food for the neighborhood strays he says will die if he doesn't feed them, etc.

So yeah.... should I just pony up the cash and help them out or should I just deal with it? My wife says it's not a problem, but I think she just says that because it's her parents.

Thoughts?

RunBandoRun
03-29-12, 09:20 AM
This is the father-in-law who arranged that butt raping you got at the dealership, right? Tell him to grow legs and go away. :lol:

milwaukee_mike
03-29-12, 09:20 AM
Simple three step solution:

1- Trade them the Kia for the CR-V.
2- Take CR-V to local mechanic that also sells used cars and have them look it over.
3a- Pay for repair (my money is on a new distributor (<$200 repair) and you now have a running, reliable Honda
3b- or trade in CR-V for cash and buy yourself a replacement for the Kia.

Of course, with this solution, you end up loaning the CR-V back to your in-laws within a few years when that car craps out for good.

4KRG
03-29-12, 09:27 AM
I would need to know more about their finances other than "buys dvds and video games"

but that isn't really relevant anyway, they should fix their CRV or at the very least get an estimate. Sign up for AAA, wait 30 days (or whatever their towing grace period is) and then use it :)

You should install a kill switch in the kia and show them that it now won't start and since they have been the primary users you would like them to pay to have it fixed. That should chase them away.

Helping family is one thing, enabling moochers and lazy asses at my expense is another :)

GMan2819
03-29-12, 09:39 AM
Is it really the towing or the fear of what it might cost to get it fixed?

Do they have a cellphone plan? Most cellphone contract plans have an optional roadside assistance option for $3/month. Don't know if the pay-as-you-go plans have it. Maybe have them look into that.

If you're sure the battery is good, is there a sound when you try to start the engine? If not, it's probably the starter. Replacing the starter won't cost thousands. More like hundreds.

Jeeden
03-29-12, 09:44 AM
So the Kia is available because your wife doesn't work every day or is it a completely spare vehicle. If you really don't need it, I would sell it for $500 to anyone, maybe they will want to buy it, maybe not, but either case, you are down to the one vehicle that you need so they should go elsewhere.

Tracer Bullet
03-29-12, 09:45 AM
Do something easily reversible to your car that will cause it to "break down" a few miles after starting.

jfoobar
03-29-12, 09:52 AM
As these are in-laws, what is your wife's opinion on this matter. I'd say hers is the opinion that counts for the most...by far.

Nefarious
03-29-12, 09:58 AM
They can add roadside assistance & rental coverage to their insurance plan for less than the cost of a single blu-ray. That would get the vehicle towed and possibly* even cover a rental while they wait on repairs.


*possibly because rental coverage may only come into play if there are repairs related to an accident.



Another option - Is there a local high school with a vo-tech program that could look at it and repair it for just the cost of parts?

Timber
03-29-12, 09:59 AM
Sounds like a nightmare being that close to your in-laws that they borrow cars on a regular basis.

I don't know if I'd "help them out" and offer to get their car towed or what but you certainly need to put a stop to the every week "borrowing" thing. What's going to happen when the Kia breaks down on the side of the road? Are they not going to spend the money to tow it? Are they not going to offer any money on the repair? What about oil changes, are they getting them done?

Deftones
03-29-12, 10:16 AM
Simple three step solution:

1- Trade them the Kia for the CR-V.
2- Take CR-V to local mechanic that also sells used cars and have them look it over.
3a- Pay for repair (my money is on a new distributor (<$200 repair) and you now have a running, reliable Honda
3b- or trade in CR-V for cash and buy yourself a replacement for the Kia.

Of course, with this solution, you end up loaning the CR-V back to your in-laws within a few years when that car craps out for good.

this is a good suggestion.

nickdawgy
03-29-12, 10:39 AM
This is the father-in-law who arranged that butt raping you got at the dealership, right? Tell him to grow legs and go away. :lol:

The very same :lol:

Is it really the towing or the fear of what it might cost to get it fixed?

Do they have a cellphone plan? Most cellphone contract plans have an optional roadside assistance option for $3/month. Don't know if the pay-as-you-go plans have it. Maybe have them look into that.

If you're sure the battery is good, is there a sound when you try to start the engine? If not, it's probably the starter. Replacing the starter won't cost thousands. More like hundreds.

They have a cell phone plan. There's a sound when you try and start the engine. It wouldn't go into gear for the longest time (stuck in park) and you'd have to turn the wheel the get it loose enough and it'd take 30 minutes to fix. Then it would work for a day or two then not start again. I guess it doesn't start at all now.

So the Kia is available because your wife doesn't work every day or is it a completely spare vehicle. If you really don't need it, I would sell it for $500 to anyone, maybe they will want to buy it, maybe not, but either case, you are down to the one vehicle that you need so they should go elsewhere.

No she works every day. Her Mom works at the same school as she does, so they carpool, and then the Mom takes it, uses it, drives back to carpool, rinse and repeat.

As these are in-laws, what is your wife's opinion on this matter. I'd say hers is the opinion that counts for the most...by far.

She thinks all is well, or she tells me to deal with it if I have a problem.

They can add roadside assistance & rental coverage to their insurance plan for less than the cost of a single blu-ray. That would get the vehicle towed and possibly* even cover a rental while they wait on repairs.


*possibly because rental coverage may only come into play if there are repairs related to an accident.



Another option - Is there a local high school with a vo-tech program that could look at it and repair it for just the cost of parts?

I might ask them to do that. I keep telling them they have no idea what is wrong with it, so it'd be nice to see what is up.

Sounds like a nightmare being that close to your in-laws that they borrow cars on a regular basis.

I don't know if I'd "help them out" and offer to get their car towed or what but you certainly need to put a stop to the every week "borrowing" thing. What's going to happen when the Kia breaks down on the side of the road? Are they not going to spend the money to tow it? Are they not going to offer any money on the repair? What about oil changes, are they getting them done?

Exactly what I was thinking. When it breaks, they won't fix it. The Mother=in-law said "that's the chance you take when someone borrows something".

They don't pay for oil changes or anything.

Another thing is the father-in-law knows the dealership (where I got the "deal") and he won't ask them for help. He's known the owner for years, and they're good friends, yet he won't go to him. He says "oh he won't help me".

For the people that are wondering about the financial situation, he actually pays a storage place $400 a month to store this giant custom model of old town Hollywood that is supposedly worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. he got it for about 1k a year ago, and they've been paying storage fees on it since. You do the math, that's alot of money.

The mother-in-law lets him do his own thing because he's a cancer survivor and is living on borrowed time.

Bandoman
03-29-12, 10:52 AM
When it breaks, they won't fix it. The Mother-in-law said "that's the chance you take when someone borrows something".



WTF? If that's her attitude, I wouldn't let her borrow it. "I guess I just don't want to take the chance that you get stuck by the side of the road, Mom. I care too much about you to want you to be hit by another car as you walk to a gas station, or get murdered by a crazy person...oh wait, here's the keys. Have a nice drive."

TomOpus
03-29-12, 11:43 AM
Without your wife backing you up, this could be an uphill battle. They are acting more like her kids rather than her parents.

Why are they saying that it has to be towed to the dealership? Isn't there a decent repair facility closer? I'd find out who much a tow would cost to both. If they still won't tow it, find a good mobile repairman and see how much they would charge for a diagnosis. I've had to use one twice and it wasn't as much as one would think (car was at a restaurant and wouldn't start. He came out and the problem was a bad relay for the fuel pump. He repaired it on the spot and charged me $50 total).

I would almost put my foot down and say no more borrowing your car until they at least get theirs checked out to see what the problem might be.

cultshock
03-29-12, 11:56 AM
The father-in-law just spends it on stupid things like Blu-Ray's just because there is a sale, video games (when he has like 50 games he hasn't finished)

You better be careful of what you write, it sounds like your father-in-law is probably a member here.

Mabuse
03-29-12, 11:57 AM
First of all your in-laws sound like a nightmare. My condolences .

Second: How did this happen?He also has the wrong sized tires on the car, and won't buy new ones because they "cost too much to worry about".

Third: You're in Orange County right? I am too, and I can hook you up with a mobile repairman who will come to you with everything neccessary to fix the car. Also, my gardener owns a tow truck and he tows cars to repair facilities as a side job. I'm sure he's cheap.

Th0r S1mpson
03-29-12, 12:02 PM
They may be borrowing your car, but you're sleeping with their daughter. :eyebrow:

Occasionally. :(

Tell your wife she needs to do that more if her parents are always borrowing the car. It's called fairness. :mad:

nickdawgy
03-29-12, 12:36 PM
You better be careful of what you write, it sounds like your father-in-law is probably a member here.

:lol:

First of all your in-laws sound like a nightmare. My condolences .

Second: How did this happen?

Third: You're in Orange County right? I am too, and I can hook you up with a mobile repairman who will come to you with everything neccessary to fix the car. Also, my gardener owns a tow truck and he tows cars to repair facilities as a side job. I'm sure he's cheap.

I'm in LA County. I was born in OC, and lived there til I was 20. Oh how I miss it.

Anyway.

How did it happen? The car just stopped working.

EDIT: Oh did you mean the wrong sized tires? He had some problems with his tires, and I guess the dealership had some old tires they gave him for free.

They may be borrowing your car, but you're sleeping with their daughter. :eyebrow:

Occasionally. :(

Tell your wife she needs to do that more if her parents are always borrowing the car. It's called fairness. :mad:

:lol:

It just gets on my nerves when they say they don't have the money, and they have no clue how much it'll be, and spend money on stupid things.

Example, just recently he's been talking about buying this $400 projector thing that shows what's on your iPhone. What? Why?

movie diva
03-29-12, 12:47 PM
What I would do is trade cars, get the other one fixed, and use it, when the Kia dies, sell them the Honda, and don't buy them a car, if you do they will suck you dry, and as for father in law living in borrowed time, we all are. Tell them that the local Rent-a-Wreck is closed and the ATM is out of money. Good luck to you!

DirkUSA
03-29-12, 12:52 PM
Simple three step solution:

1- Trade them the Kia for the CR-V.
2- Take CR-V to local mechanic that also sells used cars and have them look it over.
3a- Pay for repair (my money is on a new distributor (<$200 repair) and you now have a running, reliable Honda
3b- or trade in CR-V for cash and buy yourself a replacement for the Kia.

Of course, with this solution, you end up loaning the CR-V back to your in-laws within a few years when that car craps out for good.

You lost your money!

Mabuse
03-29-12, 02:22 PM
Oh did you mean the wrong sized tires? He had some problems with his tires, and I guess the dealership had some old tires they gave him for free.
The dealership isn't supposed to mount wrong sized tires. How much larger than spec are they?

kvrdave
03-29-12, 02:53 PM
I would tell my wife, "I am going to let this be your problem until you tell me to do something about it. Once you do, you don't get to bitch about how I resolve it."

Once the Kia dies (assuming that is before your wife tells you to take care of it), I'd get a new car and simply tell them that you don't want to lend out the new car and deal with the extra mileage, etc.

Raul3
03-29-12, 03:55 PM
Are you in-laws Asians? or Mexicans? Not that it matters, just wondering.

SuperJim88
03-29-12, 04:08 PM
Are you in-laws Asians? or Mexicans? Not that it matters, just wondering.

Are you a racist? Not that it matters, just wondering.

Jaymole
03-29-12, 04:11 PM
Are you in-laws Asians? or Mexicans? Not that it matters, just wondering.

That's the exact same question I was going to ask!

clckworang
03-29-12, 04:15 PM
What about liability when it comes to loaning this car out? Are the in-laws listed on your insurance plan? If not and something happens, wouldn't that leave you liable? I can possibly understand how something like this could go on long term if it's a repair that is too expensive, but to not even get a diagnosis? That's pretty bad. I would say no more borrowing your car until there's at least a diagnosis.

Goat3001
03-29-12, 04:25 PM
and it needs a new tranny, and it occaisonally leaks fluids.

When did mhg83 enter in the conversation?

xlpanda
03-29-12, 04:32 PM
might be the fuel pump...ie the engine cranks but wont start. you can jump on the back of the car to slosh the gas around hopefully to clear anything that might be blocking the pump.

my fuel pump went out in my truck and the tow truck driver pounded on my gas tank with a wrench (I backed away from the car when I saw him doing that lol).

anyways had my car towed to the dealer and they confirmed it was the fuel pump that went bad.

good luck with the situation. if and when you get a new car to replace your kia, your in-laws will just ask you to borrow that car. so you're better trying to resolve the issue before there's a new car in the picture.

GreenMonkey
03-29-12, 08:03 PM
A tow to a car repair place shouldn't cost more than $100-$150 or so, tops, unless you live like a bazillion miles from a civilized repair shop.

These people are just making excuses to drive your car instead. Good bargain there. They don't even have to pay your car insurance.

mndtrp
03-29-12, 09:00 PM
What about liability when it comes to loaning this car out? Are the in-laws listed on your insurance plan? If not and something happens, wouldn't that leave you liable?

Buy a new car, give/sell them your old one, and use this excuse above for when they want to use your new car.

nickdawgy
03-29-12, 10:50 PM
The dealership isn't supposed to mount wrong sized tires. How much larger than spec are they?

I think they might be tires for their other car, the 2003 Civic. I guess she got new tires, and gave him the old ones or some dumb thing like that. He thinks it'll cost $400 for new tires.

I would tell my wife, "I am going to let this be your problem until you tell me to do something about it. Once you do, you don't get to bitch about how I resolve it."

Once the Kia dies (assuming that is before your wife tells you to take care of it), I'd get a new car and simply tell them that you don't want to lend out the new car and deal with the extra mileage, etc.

She told me today that her reasoing for not caring about it is they helped her while she was growing up by letting her use their car, and getting her insurance, etc, and now she feels like she's repaying them.

She also thinks the Kia is fine. Yeah, I've driven it. It makes a noise like the noise the Gremins made during their transformation when they ate after midnight.

Are you in-laws Asians? or Mexicans? Not that it matters, just wondering.

Nope.

What about liability when it comes to loaning this car out? Are the in-laws listed on your insurance plan? If not and something happens, wouldn't that leave you liable? I can possibly understand how something like this could go on long term if it's a repair that is too expensive, but to not even get a diagnosis? That's pretty bad. I would say no more borrowing your car until there's at least a diagnosis.

Good point, they aren't on the insurance. My father-in-law never wears his seatbelt either.

When did mhg83 enter in the conversation?

:lol:

Classic.

A tow to a car repair place shouldn't cost more than $100-$150 or so, tops, unless you live like a bazillion miles from a civilized repair shop.

These people are just making excuses to drive your car instead. Good bargain there. They don't even have to pay your car insurance.

They live about 22 miles from the dealer, but yeah I am sure there's a bunch of car places close to them.

OscarBluth
03-30-12, 02:27 AM
Trading the Kia for the CR-V is a good idea. If they don't go for that, offer to sell them the Kia. Helping people in need is one thing, but these people can afford to help themselves. Family or not, they're taking advantage of your kindness. Sit down on your wife and have a discussion about it.

nickdawgy
03-30-12, 03:31 AM
There's no way they'd give up the CR-V. He's the kind of guy that keeps things in case he might need them later on. He'd say "the Kia is a pos, and my CR-V is ten times better."

He'd also lowball me on the price of the Kia. Probably offer me like a couple hundred for it.

OscarBluth
03-30-12, 05:09 AM
He's the kind of guy that keeps things in case he might need them later on.
Oh, ok. What a fortunate hoarder to have an enabling daughter and the kind of son-in-law that won't say, "No."

Why don't you offer to pay for his Blu-Rays, video games, stuff on eBay, ridiculous business ventures that lose money, guitars, cat food for the neighborhood strays, $1k collectible with $5k/yearly storage costs, etc. so he can afford to fix the CR-V? What kind of monster are you? :mad:

Timber
03-30-12, 09:42 AM
Just start giving a little bit of attidued and make some snide remarks everytime the converation comes up. Sure it's passive aggresive but they need to know that you're not happy and know they're abusing the situation.

"Geez, I have to get the oil change already. I know I didn't drive that much..."

"Again, you need the car? I was actually planning on getting some work done on it this week."

"What's going on with your car again?"

Bandoman
03-30-12, 10:21 AM
Maybe you can find a way to jam the AC/heat system so the heat is always on full-blast. It will become unbearable as the summer goes on. When they complain and ask you to fix it, you can repeat all the excuses they give for not having their car fixed.

d2cheer
03-30-12, 11:14 AM
I get a little bit of sick satisfaction out of knowing someone else has shitty in-laws as well... :D


One day I may have to start a thread about my mother-in-law who claims she has multiple personalities. She is nuttier than a fruitcake. But I don't think anyone would actually believe what I posted.

Bandoman
03-30-12, 11:21 AM
I get a little bit of sick satisfaction out of knowing someone else has shitty in-laws as well... :D


One day I may have to start a thread about my mother-in-law who claims she has multiple personalities. She is nuttier than a fruitcake. But I don't think anyone would actually believe what I posted.

You really need to start a thread about this. Think of the forum! Our entertainment is paramount.

RunBandoRun
03-30-12, 11:28 AM
You really need to start a thread about this. Think of the forum! Our entertainment is paramount.

Plus, Bandoman being a lawyer, you could receive expert legal advice. :D

movie diva
03-30-12, 12:59 PM
There's no way they'd give up the CR-V. He's the kind of guy that keeps things in case he might need them later on. He'd say "the Kia is a pos, and my CR-V is ten times better."

He'd also lowball me on the price of the Kia. Probably offer me like a couple hundred for it.

If someone told me that the car that I loan them, so that they can get around was a POS, they would never use my POS again. You don't have AAA, tow the car for them and let them get it fixed, what would they do if you and your wife lived in another state.

nickdawgy
03-30-12, 01:04 PM
Another thing my wife says is they'd loan us their car in a heartbeat if we needed it, so it goes both ways.

The father-in-law also borrowed my old Honda alot when he wanted to drive to LA (an hour away) because it got better gas mileage. This was when the CR-V actually ran.

Bandoman
03-30-12, 01:07 PM
Plus, Bandoman being a lawyer, you could receive expert legal advice. :D

Of course, but it wouldn't be "expert". Or "legal." Or "advice".

Bandoman
03-30-12, 01:07 PM
Another thing my wife says is they'd loan us their car in a heartbeat if we needed it, so it goes both ways.

The father-in-law also borrowed my old Honda alot when he wanted to drive to LA (an hour away) because it got better gas mileage. This was when the CR-V actually ran.

Test this theory and ask to borrow something expensive of theirs.

TomOpus
03-30-12, 01:11 PM
Test this theory and ask to borrow something expensive of theirs.To further test the theory he'd have to borrow it every day.

LurkerDan
03-30-12, 01:21 PM
If your wife enables this behavior, sorry to say but your screwed. If the Kia is on its last legs, start saving now for a new car (or if you are in a position to do so, but one now). Give them the Kia and wash your hands of it.

I mean, you're dealing with people who borrow your car because they're driving a long distance and want better gas mileage??? And you let them? You're screwed. This thread is just for our amusement, there's no advice we can give you to help you.

Mabuse
03-30-12, 01:41 PM
Nick, I read your car loan thread and my advice is that if you do decide to sell the Kia and get something else, learn from your past mistakes. My god you got hosed.

ResIpsa
03-30-12, 01:50 PM
Buy a new car, give/sell them your old one, and use this excuse above for when they want to use your new car.

Obviously, you have not read the new car thread ;)

Shazam
03-30-12, 02:18 PM
Next time they take it out, say:

"Thanks, your daughter convinced me to keep loaning it to you by letting me fuck her up the ass. Even did ass-to-mouth!"

movie diva
03-30-12, 03:27 PM
Another thing my wife says is they'd loan us their car in a heartbeat if we needed it, so it goes both ways.



Their car does not run, so yea they would loan it to you, hoping you would get it fixed, dude I think you like being the victim and being taken advantage of, you always help family but you have to draw the line, and at least get them on your insurance, cause if they are stopped in California with no insurance you can kiss the Kia good buy.

nickdawgy
03-30-12, 07:37 PM
Nick, I read your car loan thread and my advice is that if you do decide to sell the Kia and get something else, learn from your past mistakes. My god you got hosed.

:lol:

Surprised it took this long for someone to mention the car thread.

Test this theory and ask to borrow something expensive of theirs.

Honestly, I think he'd loan out anything of his. He doesn't really have anything super expensive.

Obviously, you have not read the new car thread ;)

That's two now, :lol:

nickdawgy
03-31-12, 06:08 PM
I found out today that he just paid $350 for a tent. Yeah. A tent.

For the guy that never goes camping.

Fix your car, I mean come on.

Deftones
03-31-12, 06:36 PM
if there's one thing i know, being passive aggressive always solves the problem.

nickdawgy
03-31-12, 07:37 PM
I am going to send him a long email on Monday.

Why email, and why not today? Well email because he's impossible to talk to without him thinking he is right, and Monday because it's my son's first birthday tomorrow and I'd rather not deal with (more?) drama til after. He'll probably get all butthurt and not want to talk to me for a few days :lol:

Here's some other odd squabbles we've had:

I wouldn't give him my Amazon password because he thinks we are family and we should share all the info with each other because he freely gives up his password when someone asks. So he got pissed, and didn't talk to me for a week.

He didn't believe me when I told him that there was a quicker way to get to this place we were going, even showing him the GPS. He said that his way would save an hour. His response was I'm right, those things are wrong often."

He wanted to borrow the old car to drive to LA (as mentioned previously) and when I told him use the other car, he got mad and said he was coming to get it regardless of what I said.

There's tons more, I might post it later for shits and gigs.

Philzilla
03-31-12, 07:59 PM
I am going to send him a long email on Monday.

Why email, and why not today? Well email because he's impossible to talk to without him thinking he is right, and Monday because it's my son's first birthday tomorrow and I'd rather not deal with (more?) drama til after. He'll probably get all butthurt and not want to talk to me for a few days :lol:

Here's some other odd squabbles we've had:

I wouldn't give him my Amazon password because he thinks we are family and we should share all the info with each other because he freely gives up his password when someone asks. So he got pissed, and didn't talk to me for a week.

He didn't believe me when I told him that there was a quicker way to get to this place we were going, even showing him the GPS. He said that his way would save an hour. His response was I'm right, those things are wrong often."

He wanted to borrow the old car to drive to LA (as mentioned previously) and when I told him use the other car, he got mad and said he was coming to get it regardless of what I said.

There's tons more, I might post it later for shits and gigs.

Seriously though, do you really love your wife? Because if not I would divorce her. In-Law problem solved.

The Bus
03-31-12, 08:06 PM
Test this theory and ask to borrow something expensive of theirs.

Too late. He already married it!

nickdawgy
03-31-12, 08:21 PM
Seriously though, do you really love your wife? Because if not I would divorce her. In-Law problem solved.

Of course I do.

Too late. He already married it!

Nah, she's not like that, she's pretty frugal.

Something I neglected to mention is he's her step-dad. So I guess he's my step-father-in-law? I just call him the father-in-law because it's easier. He's kind of a bully though. He bosses her Mom around, tells her to shut up and that she's stupid, but everyone says it's the cancer talking.

It aggravates me to no end.

He doesn't hit her or anything like that, but the verbal abuse is there.

kvrdave
03-31-12, 09:11 PM
It's the cancer talking? :lol: If I could get away with that because of cancer, I'd take up smoking. Seriously, cancer turns you into an asshole to your wife? He's just an asshole without a lot of time left to be an asshole, so he is squeezing in as much as he can. Don't put up with it.

nickdawgy
03-31-12, 09:33 PM
I am wondering why she puts up with it, but she has for like 12 years.

Another thing is he takes percocet every night for pain, and after he takes it, he forgets who he is. He says stupid things like he has to go to work (he's disabled and hasn't worked in years) and tries to leave the house with no clothes on.

I told her to talk to his doctor but she says she won't because she's afraid he'll take the drugs away from him. Once, on his pills, he tried to take this bone away from the stray dog they took in, and got severely bit twice, almost severing the hand. He had to have therapy and everything, it was so infected. Then of course he says it was his fault and he decided to keep the dog. I was like "how long before he bites someone else, maybe my son when we come to visit?"

He says it won't happen again.

kvrdave
03-31-12, 09:36 PM
Holy shit. I drink every night to keep the voices muffled. I say stupid things and try to leave the house with no clothes on. But if a dog comes at me, I put the motherfucker down.

Good luck to you, man.

Charlie Goose
03-31-12, 11:27 PM
How do you think your wife would react if you threw acid in your father-in-law's face?

Jon2
03-31-12, 11:44 PM
I've seen others go through similar things with an ill relative, so you have my sympathy.

But really, all things considered, this guy should not be behind the wheel of a car. Please tell us he isn't allowed to drive.

If my father-in-law were like this, I would see about getting the DMV to revoke his license. My first thought would be to try and do it without the family knowing I was behind it, but if that wasn't possible I still wouldn't hesitate about getting his DL revoked. Family consequences be damned, the man would be a danger to others on the road.

If he killed someone in an auto accident while driving my car under the influence of drugs, I'd not only have to deal with the guilt that I had contributed to that due (to my knowledge of his condition and allowing him to borrow the car), but I could (and probably would) also be held legally liable.

No thanks.

nickdawgy
04-01-12, 06:57 AM
I've seen others go through similar things with an ill relative, so you have my sympathy.

But really, all things considered, this guy should not be behind the wheel of a car. Please tell us he isn't allowed to drive.

If my father-in-law were like this, I would see about getting the DMV to revoke his license. My first thought would be to try and do it without the family knowing I was behind it, but if that wasn't possible I still wouldn't hesitate about getting his DL revoked. Family consequences be damned, the man would be a danger to others on the road.

If he killed someone in an auto accident while driving my car under the influence of drugs, I'd not only have to deal with the guilt that I had contributed to that due (to my knowledge of his condition and allowing him to borrow the car), but I could (and probably would) also be held legally liable.

No thanks.

He does drive, not on the drugs although it would seem like it since he drives crazy. He will tailgate, cut people off if they drive too slow, slow to 35 mph in front of them, weave in and out of traffic, flip people off, clap sarcastically at people, etc.

His Dad was a cop and he says he learned it all from him :lol:

I have tons more stories of you guys feel like grabbing some popcorn....

crazyronin
04-01-12, 09:16 AM
Please continue -popcorn-

TomOpus
04-01-12, 10:10 AM
He does drive, not on the drugs although it would seem like it since he drives crazy. He will tailgate, cut people off if they drive too slow, slow to 35 mph in front of them, weave in and out of traffic, flip people off, clap sarcastically at people, etc. Knowing this, there would be no way he would be allowed to drive my car. How would you feel if, due to his reckless driving, he causes an accident that kills a family. It's almost like giving a drunk the car keys and pushing him out a door.

nickdawgy
04-01-12, 10:18 AM
Okay, his daughter is almost 23 years old and lives at home with him. She's very smart, and gets good grades in college (she goes to to local CC) but she doesn't have a license (she's never attempted the driving test, and has her permit expire several times), doesn't work, and has never had a serious boyfriend.

She also watches anime, and goes to all those anime conventions, and has sleepovers with her friends (of course her Dad pays for pizza and snacks for them).

Meanwhile my mother-in-law hauls her around town, whether it's to pick her up from school, take her to a friends house that lives 35 miles away, or take her shopping. She gets an allowance at home (seriously) to take out the trash and keep her bathroom clean (which is filled with items from The Little Mermaid, her favorite Disney movie).

Her real Mom is wealthy, and sends her money and clothes from time to time, and she gets grants from school from which she always has leftover money from where she can buy the latest electronic gadget she wants. They let her do this.

Let's see...what else....

Oh, the father-in-law prides himself on having a "bullshit radar" and he can smell excuses a mile away. He's actually pretty easy to BS, you just have to tell him what he wants to hear, even if it is a lie or he thinks he's right. You can't be sick around him because he has cancer and you don't know what true pain is.

He's worked all kinds of jobs in his life so he always knows more about your job than you do.

He constantly thinks of these crazy schemes to make money. Like for example, he says that he's owed money for Indian lands the government stole from him (he's not a Native American, he's as white as they come), he thinks he can start a business to take over the sales eBay and Amazon get, he thinks he can invent a disc changer and sell it to Sony...

He's a huge animal lover, yet he feeds his cats (they have four) and dogs (they have two) human food like lunch meat and buys them hamburgers. He constantly criticizes you regarding your animals (is it too hot in here? Don't you think he should get more treats?). He says to leave the TV on all day (and he leaves his on all day) because the animals need to be entertained and will get lonely.

The dogs piss and poop in the house and instead of doing something about it, he just lets it happen. The house smells like a toilet.

If he sees a stray he will take it home (that's how they got the two dogs). He will call home when he is away and have his daughter get the dogs to talk to him over the speaker phone because he misses them, all the while saying stuff like "Daddy loves you, daddy misses you sweethearts!"

When he goes to places like Disneyland, he can't walk around in the heat for more than 45 minutes before he stumbles to the ground, and he refuses the mother-in-law offering to get him a wheelchair.

He will borrow money from people and then not pay it back, saying stuff like "well talk to your Mom about it" or "it'll all work itself out in the end."

He borrows money to buy stuff, and won't borrow money to fix his car.

More to come....

nickdawgy
04-01-12, 10:19 AM
Knowing this, there would be no way he would be allowed to drive my car. How would you feel if, due to his reckless driving, he causes an accident that kills a family. It's almost like giving a drunk the car keys and pushing him out a door.

Quite honestly, I am surprised he's never had a wreck.

Nick Danger
04-01-12, 10:56 AM
Okay, his daughter is almost 23 years old and lives at home with him. She's very smart, and gets good grades in college (she goes to to local CC) but she doesn't have a license (she's never attempted the driving test, and has her permit expire several times), doesn't work, and has never had a serious boyfriend.

She also watches anime, and goes to all those anime conventions, and has sleepovers with her friends (of course her Dad pays for pizza and snacks for them).

Meanwhile my mother-in-law hauls her around town, whether it's to pick her up from school, take her to a friends house that lives 35 miles away, or take her shopping. She gets an allowance at home (seriously) to take out the trash and keep her bathroom clean (which is filled with items from The Little Mermaid, her favorite Disney movie).


She certainly sounds like someone who grew up in an emotionally abusive household. She's retreated into a fantasy world.

Was your wife's original father abusive as well? I would guess so, because her mom would not have gone from a healthy marriage to such a sick one.

Anyway, I see a wife and two daughters who won't stand up to the guy. He's a manipulative bully. He's successfully manipulating and bullying you. If you stand up to him, your wife won't back you up. But that would be okay if she didn't chose her father over you.

So talk to your wife to find out how she'll react when you start setting limits to what you'll allow her father to do.

Shazam
04-01-12, 12:38 PM
Okay, his daughter is almost 23 years old and lives at home with him. She's very smart, and gets good grades in college (she goes to to local CC) but she doesn't have a license (she's never attempted the driving test, and has her permit expire several times), doesn't work, and has never had a serious boyfriend.

She also watches anime, and goes to all those anime conventions, and has sleepovers with her friends (of course her Dad pays for pizza and snacks for them).Look for hidden cameras. If you don't find any, put some in.

nickdawgy
04-01-12, 03:24 PM
She certainly sounds like someone who grew up in an emotionally abusive household. She's retreated into a fantasy world.

Good call. Her Mom supposedly abused her verbally all the time, calling her ugly, and good for nothing, etc.

Oh and my wife's real Dad is nothing like her step-dad. The funny thing is they were friends.

Living Dead
04-01-12, 07:35 PM
Is the cancer terminal? This might sound harsh, but it might be best to just wait it out and avoid the drama that will surely come from your wife, step-mother or both. If you've put up with it this long, what's a little longer?

Nick Danger
04-01-12, 07:53 PM
Is the cancer terminal? This might sound harsh, but it might be best to just wait it out and avoid the drama that will surely come from your wife, step-mother or both. If you've put up with it this long, what's a little longer?

That might not be a good idea. There are plenty of people who become terminally ill, and stay there for years. I have a friend who's 98 year old grandmother has been having near-death experiences to manipulate her children for twenty years. She's not faking. The doctors notify the family that she hasn't long to live. When they all drop everything and fly to Boston to gather around her, she gets better.

whotony
04-01-12, 08:39 PM
So tell again why this guy keeps borrowing your cat

Mosskeeto
04-01-12, 10:55 PM
So tell again why this guy keeps borrowing your cat

Have Mouse Killer - Will Travel

aka: Will work for free room and board.

antspawn
04-01-12, 11:44 PM
So they ask us at least three to four times a week to borrow our cat. 99% of the time, they gas it up (only my father-in-law is lazy sometimes and doesn't) so that's not the problerm. The problem is wear and tear on a cat that is already on it's last legs.



Poor thing. It sounds like cat abuse. :(

OscarBluth
04-02-12, 12:10 AM
So tell again why this guy keeps borrowing your cat
If you act like you have one, people will ask. :lol:

The Bus
04-02-12, 02:52 AM
. Once, on his pills, he tried to take this bone away from the stray dog they took in, and got severely bit twice, almost severing the hand. He had to have therapy and everything, it was so infected. Then of course he says it was his fault and he decided to keep the dog. I was like "how long before he bites someone else, maybe my son when we come to visit?"

He says it won't happen again.

And you trust this guy with your cat?

nickdawgy
04-02-12, 04:44 AM
Is the cancer terminal? This might sound harsh, but it might be best to just wait it out and avoid the drama that will surely come from your wife, step-mother or both. If you've put up with it this long, what's a little longer?

Yeah it's terminal. I guess the doctor told him over ten years ago he didn't have long to live.

Nice title change...

:lol:

I don't think I've ever had a thread I created get a title change.

VinVega
04-02-12, 10:52 AM
:lol:

I don't think I've ever had a thread I created get a title change.
It made me click on it. :up:

d2cheer
04-02-12, 11:48 AM
Yeah it's terminal. I guess the doctor told him over ten years ago he didn't have long to live.





Do you know that for sure OR is that something he just tells everyone so he can act the way he does. Pretending that it is terminal allows him to continue to get a free pass.

Terminal or not the guy sounds like an a-hole who keeps taking advantage of everyone because they let him.

whotony
04-02-12, 12:12 PM
I think you should call this guy out on his a-holeness or at least using his cancer as an excuse.

D.Pham4GLTE (>60GB)
04-02-12, 06:22 PM
Just remove your ccs and change your password, then give him thhe account, and start another one.

I am going to send him a long email on Monday.

Why email, and why not today? Well email because he's impossible to talk to without him thinking he is right, and Monday because it's my son's first birthday tomorrow and I'd rather not deal with (more?) drama til after. He'll probably get all butthurt and not want to talk to me for a few days :lol:

Here's some other odd squabbles we've had:

I wouldn't give him my Amazon password because he thinks we are family and we should share all the info with each other because he freely gives up his password when someone asks. So he got pissed, and didn't talk to me for a week.

He didn't believe me when I told him that there was a quicker way to get to this place we were going, even showing him the GPS. He said that his way would save an hour. His response was I'm right, those things are wrong often."

He wanted to borrow the old car to drive to LA (as mentioned previously) and when I told him use the other car, he got mad and said he was coming to get it regardless of what I said.

There's tons more, I might post it later for shits and gigs.

nickdawgy
04-02-12, 10:07 PM
Do you know that for sure OR is that something he just tells everyone so he can act the way he does. Pretending that it is terminal allows him to continue to get a free pass.

Terminal or not the guy sounds like an a-hole who keeps taking advantage of everyone because they let him.

Well when I met him in 2004, that's the story I heard from the mother-in-law and wife. There's been many times where they think his time is coming soon.

That's apparently why she lets him blow money on movies and games, too. She wants him to "have fun" before he goes, even if it is making it so they are poor every month, and living from paycheck to paycheck.

Another example of how stupid he is sometimes is a couple Christmases ago, he got it into his head that he wanted to get mother-in-law a Wii, since the family only had a PS3 at the time.

Then daughter finds out about it, and says "oh I want one" so he buys two of them.

Both systems have sat unused for months now.

Once, he sold a piece of vintage movie armor he got through a mutual friend. Made about $1,400 profit. What did he do with it? Bought about $350 worth of Blu-ray's, a new iPhone 4S, a new case for the iPhone (a $75 case, mind you), and bought a couple of Collectors Editions (Skyrim, Uncharted 3) for some games he already had. Nothing towards the car.

Just remove your ccs and change your password, then give him thhe account, and start another one.

He finally just made his own account. He didn't talk to me for like a week, though. It was pretty funny.

nickdawgy
06-20-12, 05:17 PM
So an update on the whole borrowing the car saga....

We moved out of our old place in May and now live just a few miles down the road from the in-laws. The CR-V is still sitting in their driveway, gathering spider webs and the neighborhood cats are using it as a toilet/bed.

They still borrow our Kia, and have started to borrow my brother-in-law's truck more often.

Just the other day, the father-in-law's other son had his car blow a tire. So instead of getting it fixed, he stays with them four days and drinks and treats it as a vacation from his wife and four kids. He finally left today...

Without his his car, which is now parked behind the CR-V in the driveway. Two broken down cars in a row.

So then two days ago, we get a call from my mother-in-law.

Her cars brakes are bad. So maybe she wants a ride down to the repair shop to fix them, that has to be why she is calling right?

Nope. "We need your car."

So she borrowed my brother-in-law's truck, (he lives with us in case you were wondering why she'd call here) and now her car sits in the driveway, behind the other son's which is behind the CR-V.

Three cars, none driveable.

You can't make this stuff up.

cdollaz
06-20-12, 05:52 PM
You should read some books on boundaries. You need them in your life.

nickdawgy
06-20-12, 06:49 PM
:lol:

fujishig
06-20-12, 08:04 PM
Yeah, not surprising that he won't use his money to fix the car when you keep enabling him like this. Whatever happened to that email you sent? No response? AND he borrows your cat every day and feeds it luncheon meat?

Can't fault him for the Wii, the unplayed videogames, or spending money on Blu rays, that describes maybe half of the forum members here. Also his driving methods seem on par with the majority of drivers in LA.

whotony
06-20-12, 09:04 PM
There's no reason in the world why you should continue to let the use your cars.

mhg83
06-20-12, 09:33 PM
How's your cat doing op?

Living Dead
06-21-12, 01:39 AM
How hard is it to say NO and just stop all this?

focker
06-21-12, 02:17 AM
So an update on the whole borrowing the car saga....

We moved out of our old place in May and now live just a few miles down the road from the in-laws. The CR-V is still sitting in their driveway, gathering spider webs and the neighborhood cats are using it as a toilet/bed.

They still borrow our Kia, and have started to borrow my brother-in-law's truck more often.

Just the other day, the father-in-law's other son had his car blow a tire. So instead of getting it fixed, he stays with them four days and drinks and treats it as a vacation from his wife and four kids. He finally left today...

Without his his car, which is now parked behind the CR-V in the driveway. Two broken down cars in a row.

So then two days ago, we get a call from my mother-in-law.

Her cars brakes are bad. So maybe she wants a ride down to the repair shop to fix them, that has to be why she is calling right?

Nope. "We need your car."

So she borrowed my brother-in-law's truck, (he lives with us in case you were wondering why she'd call here) and now her car sits in the driveway, behind the other son's which is behind the CR-V.

Three cars, none driveable.

You can't make this stuff up.

It sounds like you married into a family of inconsiderate leeches. Why is the brother in law staying with you?

argh923
06-22-12, 08:29 PM
Stop enabling this behavior and it will stop.

The Bus
06-22-12, 08:45 PM
You need to move to the other side of the city/county/country/planet.

D.Pham4GLTE (>60GB)
06-23-12, 12:50 AM
So an update on the whole borrowing the car saga....

We moved out of our old place in May and now live just a few miles down the road from the in-laws. The CR-V is still sitting in their driveway, gathering spider webs and the neighborhood cats are using it as a toilet/bed.

They still borrow our Kia, and have started to borrow my brother-in-law's truck more often.

Just the other day, the father-in-law's other son had his car blow a tire. So instead of getting it fixed, he stays with them four days and drinks and treats it as a vacation from his wife and four kids. He finally left today...

Without his his car, which is now parked behind the CR-V in the driveway. Two broken down cars in a row.

So then two days ago, we get a call from my mother-in-law.

Her cars brakes are bad. So maybe she wants a ride down to the repair shop to fix them, that has to be why she is calling right?

Nope. "We need your car."

So she borrowed my brother-in-law's truck, (he lives with us in case you were wondering why she'd call here) and now her car sits in the driveway, behind the other son's which is behind the CR-V.

Three cars, none driveable.

You can't make this stuff up.

:lol: rotfl

sorry for your troubles, but man, great read

nickdawgy
06-25-12, 07:14 PM
Yeah, not surprising that he won't use his money to fix the car when you keep enabling him like this. Whatever happened to that email you sent? No response? AND he borrows your cat every day and feeds it luncheon meat?

Can't fault him for the Wii, the unplayed videogames, or spending money on Blu rays, that describes maybe half of the forum members here. Also his driving methods seem on par with the majority of drivers in LA.

He doesn't borrow the cat, he just spoils it when he's around it. Much like his four cats. Like I said, for a guy that loves animals, he sure does turn a blind eye to the whole "human food is bad for animals" thing.

As for the letter, I never sent it. I was going to,and then they claimed they were getting the car fixed and I thought things would get better. I know, fail on my part. Gonna make a new one, though.



There's no reason in the world why you should continue to let the use your cars.

Trying to tell my wife that but she insists it's family and that's reason enough.

How hard is it to say NO and just stop all this?

See above.

It sounds like you married into a family of inconsiderate leeches. Why is the brother in law staying with you?

Some of them are like leeches, yeah. The brother in law is staying with us but paying for his own room, so that's not a problem. He helps out a ton with babysitting and groceries, utilities, etc.

You need to move to the other side of the city/county/country/planet.

Trust me, when I found out the place my wife liked was here, I was a bit terrfied they'd show up every day asking to borrow the car.

:lol: rotfl

sorry for your troubles, but man, great read

No worries, man. It is funny ;)

Okay, so they got the second car (brakes problem) fixed. Apparently there was a family friend (there always is I guess) that fixed it. I swear, everytime they have a problem, they ask someone that's not a specialist in that area. A friend knows about cars but isn't a mechanic. Another friend knows computers but doesn't work on them. Another friend knows medicine but he's not a doctor.

So now we go back to the other sons car. I guess he called and asked to be picked up from his house which is like 100 miles away so he can fix his car (which is still in their driveway). So the brother-in-law drove all the way there to pick him up and bring him back here so he can..... wait for it....

Ask a family friend to check out his car.

Keep in mind his car broke down eight days ago, and he's just now asking about fixing it.

Meanwhile the CR-V is still parked, wasting away. There's some talk that they might ask the same family friend about fixing it. :lol:

Okay, let's stray from the car thing for a second and talk about the father-in-law's condition.

I mentioned earlier he takes percocet for his pain and goes into his "I don't know who I am or where I am spells".

Recently, I again mentioned to my mother-in-law about talking to the doctor about his episodes, and again I got the "I'm afraid the doctor will take it away from him."

The latest episode I guess he left his house and walked a few miles to the bus stop at 10:30pm and tried to catch a bus. They all got a laugh out of it like it was some joke after he remembered who he was again.

It seems like only a matter of time before he hurts himself or someone else or worse. I guess you could argue if he got run over by a cement truck or whatnot, at least he wouldn't borrow the car anymore, but what can I say, I do care about the dude a bit despite his moronic ways.

So should I tell the doctor? The mother-in-law keeps saying she talked to a family friend ( :lol: ) and he says it's not a big deal.

Thoughts?

Mrs. Danger
06-25-12, 07:18 PM
You could just shove him in front of a bus, and end the suspense.

nickdawgy
06-25-12, 07:28 PM
I could, but I don't want to damage a perfectly good bus.

chowderhead
06-25-12, 07:48 PM
Are you in-laws Asians?

probably not since he got his cat back.

Mole177
06-26-12, 02:57 AM
why in the world would you move CLOSER to them ?!?!

DirkUSA
06-26-12, 09:00 AM
why in the world would you move CLOSER to them ?!?!

To keep this thread getting better!

covenant
06-26-12, 09:29 AM
The latest episode I guess he left his house and walked a few miles to the bus stop at 10:30pm and tried to catch a bus. They all got a laugh out of it like it was some joke after he remembered who he was again.


Sounds like Ambien, not Percocet. Or maybe a combo of the two.

Mabuse
06-26-12, 01:55 PM
So now we go back to the other sons car. I guess he called and asked to be picked up from his house which is like 100 miles away so he can fix his car (which is still in their driveway). So the brother-in-law drove all the way there to pick him up and bring him back here so he can..... wait for it....

Ask a family friend to check out his car.

Clarifly for me. Didn't you say the only thing wrong with this car was that he blew out a tire?