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View Full Version : YADT: How does one increase dating frequency?


Vipper II
03-16-12, 07:06 PM
So, I've been out with this girl 3 times so far and we have excellent chemistry, great conversation, and we apparently really enjoy each other's company. Up until now we've done one date per week; however, in order to decide whether I ultimately want to pee in her butt, I'd kind of like to kick it up a notch. With that stated, how does one go about attempting to increase the dating frequency without coming off as clingy/high-maintenance? I figured it's best to simply keep it casual, like perhaps suggesting that we meet for drinks sometime during the week, but my confidence isn't currently at its highest and I don't want to kill the whole thing by saying something stoopid. Am I on the right track? Should I just suck it up and trust my instincts? Is peeing in someone's butt worth the effort?

TGM
03-16-12, 07:09 PM
take it easy big boy. by my math you've only known her three weeks.

Mrs. Danger
03-16-12, 07:15 PM
Go out more.

DirkUSA
03-16-12, 07:19 PM
take it easy big boy. by my math you've only known her three weeks.

You might be on to something there.......

TomOpus
03-16-12, 07:24 PM
So, I've been out with this girl 3 times so far and we have excellent chemistry, great conversation, and we apparently really enjoy each other's company. Up until now we've done one date per week;Great, sounds good so far...

howeverUh oh....

I'd kind of like to kick it up a notch. Why fuck up something that is going so well? What would YOU think if she wanted to see you more often... like every other day? Yeah, you'd think she's desperate, clingy and wants to get married really fast. You'd be out of there so fast.

This is not a race. Enjoy the time you spend with her and don't be in such a hurry.

bunkaroo
03-16-12, 07:25 PM
So three dates....have you consummated the acquaintance yet?

If so, you're probably close to being able to see her more than once a week. If not, well, take care of that, then work on seeing her more than once a week. :)

mhg83
03-16-12, 07:28 PM
Don't listen to these fools op. First date i went on with my ex-gf i met her mom. second date we changed our FB status, and by the third we were in serious discussions about marriage, kids. It all worked out fine. -wink-

Vipper II
03-16-12, 07:34 PM
Why fuck up something that is going so well? What would YOU think if she wanted to see you more often... like every other day? Yeah, you'd think she's desperate, clingy and wants to get married really fast. You'd be out of there so fast.


I'm not talking about an every other day type of thing, though, but rather a second, more "casual" meeting mid-week. We talk on the phone at least once a week and exchange a couple of emails, so what's wrong with replacing that with getting together for drinks for an hour or two, especially since it's so obvious we like hanging out with each other? I know it's still way too soon for something more intense.

The whole "pee in the butt" thing was just something I added as I knew some wise ass would bring it up at some point :).

TomOpus
03-16-12, 07:38 PM
I would wait and see how it goes before you up the ante. Once a week might be perfect for her. She might work hard during the week and might not have the time or inclination to want to go out after work. My fiancee and I dated around once a month or so. Of course she lived halfway across the country but we made it work because we wanted to.

At this point I think quality over quantity is the key.

NORML54601
03-16-12, 07:39 PM
I'm not talking about an every other day type of thing, though, but rather a second, more "casual" meeting mid-week. We talk on the phone at least once a week and exchange a couple of emails, so what's wrong with replacing that with getting together for drinks for an hour or two, especially since it's so obvious we like hanging out with each other? I know it's still way too soon for something more intense.

The whole "pee in the butt" thing was just something I added as I knew some wise ass would make a comment about it :).

You don't actually want to pee in her butt? I'm afraid we're going to have to ax you to leave.

Vipper II
03-16-12, 07:46 PM
At this point I think quality over quantity is the key.

Very good point. I think my biggest concern is that I'm not the only one in the fold, and that she'll end up going for this other person (provided there even is one) over me if I don't get farther into it a little sooner. Concerns of that nature are a big part of dating, true, but it's been quite a while since I've connected with someone this well so it's difficult to exercise the patience, and I have reduced patience to begin with.

Goat3001
03-16-12, 07:58 PM
I see nothing wrong with asking her out mid week, but wait another date. She might want to see you more too, but wants you to pull the trigger on that. After your 4th date, casually ask her in an email if she wants to grab drinks after work mid week. Not a full blown date, just a mini date. Then you can make a play for another date during the weekend.

Shannon Nutt
03-16-12, 08:01 PM
Kidnapping is always an option.

Vipper II
03-16-12, 08:05 PM
Kidnapping is always an option.

I had considered that, but I don't have enough rope to tie her down in my cavernous trunk, and I wouldn't want her to roll around and potentially injure herself.

RoadToPerdition
03-16-12, 08:10 PM
One of my friends (a female) went out on a few dates with her boyfriend and it really went well, so he asked her if she would stop seeing any other guys if she was at that time (basically, be exclusive) and she did (if she was). She's a normal girl that most guys find very attractive, so if she wasn't weirded out by that and thought the question was okay, maybe you should propose the same to this girl if you are concerned she's with other guys?

The Bus
03-16-12, 08:35 PM
:shrug:

I've only dated people were that issue/question didn't even come up. But I don't know how it is today with plentyofbabelfish and whatever else happens on the interbrains.

Nick Danger
03-16-12, 08:44 PM
take it easy big boy. by my math you've only known her three weeks.

By my math it's been two weeks.

A date on March 1, March 8, and March 15. Two weeks.

FantasticVSDoom
03-16-12, 08:49 PM
Im hoping at least 3rd date 3rd base, preferably home run... If not, step up to the plate already. And yeah if you want to see her more, just ask.

Pharoh
03-16-12, 08:50 PM
Granted it's been a very long time since I had a date, but am I missing something here? Don't you just tell her that you enjoy spending time with her and want to see her a little more often? In what world does that not work?

Abelkems
03-16-12, 08:52 PM
:shrug:

I've only dated people were that issue/question didn't even come up.

This is pretty much my experience too. When the chemistry was there, she turns into a stray cat and just starts showing up at the doorstep all the time. With my current wife, the change came when I invited her over for dinner and cooked her a nice meal. We haven't been one day without seeing each other since.

DVD Polizei
03-16-12, 09:24 PM
So, I've been out with this girl 3 times so far and we have excellent chemistry, great conversation, and we apparently really enjoy each other's company.

1) Are you sure she is aware this is a dating thing.

2) If she enjoys your company...she'll be wanting to do things with you more and will be communicating this with you.

3) When #2 happens, you won't even need to kick things up a notch.

So, make sure you're on the same level as she is.

Rockmjd23
03-16-12, 11:45 PM
Like others have said, when a girl really wants to pursue something with a guy, they will be the one initiating plans. She's probably still in the 'not sure yet' stage.

Cardsfan111
03-16-12, 11:53 PM
Kidnapping is always an option.

Obviously, it would be wise to first hire someone else to attempt a kidnapping to see how she might respond to it.

antspawn
03-16-12, 11:57 PM
Wear snug Chino pants on your next date showing some "unaware buldge". ;)

j/k

I agree with Rockmjd23

OscarBluth
03-17-12, 03:16 AM
Ditch this girl and find someone who wants what you want.

Charlie Goose
03-17-12, 04:54 AM
Just simply tell her your feelings and ask her if she wants to be exclusive with you. If she says no, begin to scream and don't stop until you're about to pass out. By then she'll recognize your devotion and be yours throughout eternity. If not, throw acid in her face.

Vipper II
03-17-12, 07:58 AM
Just simply tell her your feelings and ask her if she wants to be exclusive with you. If she says no, begin to scream and don't stop until you're about to pass out. By then she'll recognize your devotion and be yours throughout eternity. If not, throw acid in her face.

I'm sure where you're from acid is available in every corner drugstore, but in 1955...err, here, it's tough to come by.

GMan2819
03-17-12, 09:04 AM
It's too early to ask for exclusivity - you'll come across as needy. If the first 3 dates were primarily of the drinks/dinner variety, then the next date should involve something that involves the better part of a day. Go for quality, not quantity.

Larry C.
03-17-12, 09:28 AM
I don't get it. If your not peeing in her butt why do you want to see her more often?

Vipper II
03-17-12, 11:20 AM
It's too early to ask for exclusivity - you'll come across as needy. If the first 3 dates were primarily of the drinks/dinner variety, then the next date should involve something that involves the better part of a day. Go for quality, not quantity.

Date one was of the drinks/dinner variety. Date two involved dinner at a nice Italian restaurant, a movie, and some conversation to top the evening off. Date 3 was that something that involved the better part of the day: wine tasting, dinner, and seeing a symphony. So, each subsequent one upped the ante a little, so to speak. But again, I'm not looking for exclusivity, just a chance to see her again in the middle of the week. At this point I'm just going to see how our next one goes and take it from there. Maybe she'll be the one to broach the subject. Plus, there's no law that says I have to ask outright; I can simply make a casual suggestion and see if she takes the bait.

TomOpus
03-17-12, 11:27 AM
Yeah, unless you get a stronger vibe, keeping it casual would be your best bet. Maybe say "So, do you like doing stuff during the week?" instead of "Hey, let's go have drinks on Wednesday."

Now if she likes the "take charge kinda guy" you might try the latter. That might work in your favor.

Oh, do you know what she does for work? Are long hours involved?

TimeandTide
03-17-12, 01:17 PM
I can simply make a casual suggestion and see if she takes the bait.

This. You're overthinking it. Just ask her if she's up for meeting for a glass of wine or a drink after work one day. Just ask, "You free to meet up for a drink on Wednesday?" So simple.

Shows you're interested, that you're not super-aggressive/clingy but can/will take charge, and it gives her an opportunity to pick a day that works best for her if Wed. is a no-go.

And if she says that she can't meet at all, don't sweat it. People are busy and a "no" isn't always personal. Sounds like you're having fun and have been on some great dates so far. Don't fuck it up. And don't sweat the other dude (if there even is one). Let that motivate you to be at the top of your game with her so it's you she picks.

ETA: What Tom said. ;)

cungar
03-17-12, 02:17 PM
Date 3 was that something that involved the better part of the day: wine tasting, dinner, and seeing a symphony.

Really? This chick sounds way too refined to be discussed in an Otter thread. We're used to commenting on trainstation trannies and gay bathouses.

Rockmjd23
03-17-12, 02:29 PM
Date 3 was that something that involved the better part of the day: wine tasting, dinner, and seeing a symphony. So, each subsequent one upped the ante a little, so to speak.
That stuff is fancy, but it's also stuff that you could do with a friend as well.

RoadToPerdition
03-17-12, 02:39 PM
That stuff is fancy, but it's also stuff that you could do with a friend as well.

Besides a friend with benefits situation, wouldn't that hold true for anything but sex?

Rockmjd23
03-17-12, 03:17 PM
Besides a friend with benefits situation, wouldn't that hold true for anything but sex?
True, and though he posted it to prove that he's upped the ante, I just wanted to remind him that it's possible she hung out with him that day in only a friendship sense.

GMan2819
03-17-12, 04:36 PM
True, and though he posted it to prove that he's upped the ante, I just wanted to remind him that it's possible she hung out with him that day in only a friendship sense.
OP did not mention if any kissing was involved so, yeah, that's entirely possible. Only one way to find out is to go for it...

Tracer Bullet
03-17-12, 04:41 PM
If you want to see her more, ask her. If she wants to see you more, she'll say yes. Don't play games.

Vipper II
03-18-12, 07:43 AM
True, and though he posted it to prove that he's upped the ante, I just wanted to remind him that it's possible she hung out with him that day in only a friendship sense.

Based on yesterday, I'm very sure it's not just a friendship thing.

The Bus
03-18-12, 07:57 AM
So you didn't ask?

<img src="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd194/ocbw/headdesk.gif">

Save Ferris
03-18-12, 08:34 AM
buy her a car and claim it on taxes

mndtrp
03-18-12, 07:01 PM
Ask her if she wants to meet up during the week. It's not that difficult.

Rockmjd23
03-18-12, 09:27 PM
Based on yesterday, I'm very sure it's not just a friendship thing.
So give us intimate details, you tease.

Osiris3657
03-18-12, 09:34 PM
:shrug:

I've only dated people were that issue/question didn't even come up. But I don't know how it is today with plentyofbabelfish and whatever else happens on the interbrains.

oh please, don't pretend you don't know the names of dating sites. I'm sure you have a profile on POF :lol:

Kittydreamer
03-18-12, 10:53 PM
OKCupid isn't too bad but POF is nothing but a hook up site...

LurkerDan
03-18-12, 11:38 PM
OKCupid isn't too bad but POF is nothing but a hook up site...

you say that like it's a bad thing. :p

Buford T Pusser
03-19-12, 08:30 AM
A female friends sends me hilarious guy profiles from fish so I checked out the women and they were all skanky.


But she did send a few from OK that were unbelievable. Middle aged male virgins. Maybe they are here!?!!??

WillieTheShakes
03-19-12, 10:40 AM
If you want to ramp things up, you should buy her a laptop.

TomOpus
03-19-12, 11:09 AM
Based on yesterday, I'm very sure it's not just a friendship thing.So...what happened and did you ask her?

BKurgan
03-19-12, 11:47 AM
It happens naturally. My wife and I had three or four dates within a period of two or three weeks, and after that we saw each other every day. The only time we haven't seen each other every day is when one had to to travel while the other couldn't for some reason.

I think the quick email "are you free on Wednesday for a drink" would be appropriate. If she says no, don't try and push it to another day, just wait until your next scheduled date. If you both feel the same vibe then it will amp up naturally.

RocShemp
03-19-12, 11:48 AM
If you want to ramp things up, you should buy her a laptop.

Every so often I see that joke (or some variant of it) posted in this forum but I just don't get it. Did someone here buy a laptop for a girl he was trying to date and she went out with someone else?

nando820
03-19-12, 12:32 PM
Like others have said, when a girl really wants to pursue something with a guy, they will be the one initiating plans. She's probably still in the 'not sure yet' stage.

Agreed, most girls grab what they want once they know they want it for sure. Continue seeing her for a lil more she'll let u know

Vipper II
03-19-12, 04:28 PM
So...what happened and did you ask her?

Didn't ask her, but we ended the evening with a few kisses and a hell of a long hug, which I suppose is a good note on which to go out. So, unless she gets a sudden bad vibe from something (just screams insecurity, doesn't it?), I'm relatively confident that we'll see each other again, and that's when I'll make the move. Plus, after thinking about it, at this point I'd rather take things a little on the slow side just because it seems there's promise, something it feels I've not experienced for a while. My biggest hurdle is my tendency to over analyze, which I'm trying desperately to keep at bay. I did drop her a quick email, though, reiterating that I had a great time with her on Saturday.

Groucho
03-19-12, 04:36 PM
Next time you're in one of those "long hugs" grab her wallet. Then she'll HAVE to see you again.

Rockmjd23
03-19-12, 05:20 PM
Sorry, but after fine dining and symphonies, she owes you a lot more than kisses and hugs. wtf is this crap.

DVD Polizei
03-19-12, 08:03 PM
Hugs are retarded when it comes to dating. On the first date, OK, I'll let that go. But no more during the dating process. In fact, I personally believe hugs should happen AFTER being exclusive.

Not sure I get good vibes from this.

OP, find a way to bring up a woman's name (discussing social stability or whatever) and say the both of you had a great time the other night and watched a sitcom together or something. See what this current woman does.

Almost sounds like this woman is in the process of breaking up with somebody, and needs a filler/buffer until she moves on to her next target.

My experience is, if a woman wants you, you'll be on your back in her bed, and wondering the next morning, just what the hell happened.

Just trying to save you a lot of time and wasted effort here.

TomOpus
03-19-12, 08:34 PM
Didn't ask her, but we ended the evening with a few kisses and a hell of a long hug, which I suppose is a good note on which to go out. Hmmm you might've missed her signal.

I had a co-worker and over the years we became good friends. At one point we were hanging out a lot and doing stuff. We'd part with a little hug. One night I was leaving and instead of the usual short hug she gave me a long hug. I sensed the changed and kissed her. Yadda yadda yadda.... :D

Not to say THIS was her signal but just saying.

Vipper II
03-19-12, 08:40 PM
Almost sounds like this woman is in the process of breaking up with somebody, and needs a filler/buffer until she moves on to her next target.

My experience is, if a woman wants you, you'll be on your back in her bed, and wondering the next morning, just what the hell happened.

Just trying to save you a lot of time and wasted effort here.

If she were closer to her mid-twenties/thirty I might find some possible truth in what you say; however, since she's pushing 40, and given her behavior thus far, she truly doesn't seem the type. She seems above all of that. Such women do exist, believe it or not.

Hmmm you might've missed her signal.

I had a co-worker and over the years we became good friends. At one point we were hanging out a lot and doing stuff. We'd part with a little hug. One night I was leaving and instead of the usual short hug she gave me a long hug. I sensed the changed and kissed her. Yadda yadda yadda.... :D

Not to say THIS was her signal but just saying.

If she likes me then I would think one potentially missed signal would be water under the bridge. Plus, it was well after Midnight at that time and we were both exhausted.

BuddhaWake
03-21-12, 03:11 PM
Every so often I see that joke (or some variant of it) posted in this forum but I just don't get it. Did someone here buy a laptop for a girl he was trying to date and she went out with someone else?

yes something like that. but you make it sound almost normal. look up Slayer2005. you can thank us later.

Franchot
03-21-12, 09:51 PM
OP, find a way to bring up a woman's name (discussing social stability or whatever) and say the both of you had a great time the other night and watched a sitcom together or something. See what this current woman does.

Not a good idea unless you're merely trying to "game" this woman. Fabrication and lying does not play out well.