jlmace

I recently went to see No Country for Old Men, and while I loved the movie, I was so disgusted by the wheezing, tuberculosis-infested guy sitting next to me, that I may not go to the movies for awhile. In addition to the hacking smokers cough, he managed to rummage around in a noisy bag of "goodies" for a full hour and a half. This follows my last theater experience where a 300 pound woman next to me and brought in a bag of Carl's Jr. burgers covered with raw onions, and was belching fried food for two hours. I am a slob, and not easily put off, but I am now at the point where I have a decent home-theater, and will just wait the 4 months for the DVD. Not to be a cynic, but the lack of civility in our society is beginning to concern me a bit. Not to mention, for two of us with sodas, it was almost $30.00.

I am oblivious to the talking, cell phones, and general miscreant behavior of the average teenagers at movies, but the olfactory and viral assault(s) have put me over the top. Anyone else, or am I just getting old and being a whiner? Please submit any good stories of degenerate behavior at the theater so I do not feel so alone.

LockStock

I've had little kids spill their icee on me and their parents didn't even bother to apologize. It's happened quite a few times.
Then there was a kid who kept kicking my seat during LOTR. I asked the mother to stop her kid from doing that and she just ignored me. What a great experience that was.
And the topper was when I went to watch Darjeeling Limited and I deliberately went early in the morning because I knew the theater would be more or less empty and I could enjoy the movie in peace. But no. I didn't mind the extra few people but this one woman came and sat next to me and yawned every 5 mins and my God...the worst case of morning breath EVER! She didn't even bother putting a hand over her mouth. The kicker was when I changed my seat and she proceeded to follow me. I have no idea why she did that but I told her point blank that her breath stank and that's why I was moving. She said, "I know." The gall of the woman. Either she's a really rude person who gets her kicks this way or she had some serious issues. Needless to say, I had to call the usher.

jlmace

That was not morning breath. You could smell the crazy on her. Wow. I thought mine was bad.

MartinBlank

ANYBODY texting during the movie really pisses me off. Of the last half-dozen times i've PAID to sit in a dark room full of assholes I've had to exchange words with people. It's weird, they're always receptive

You can't chill out for 90 minutes and just watch a movie!?!?!??! I usually give 'em one shot...one shot to respond, "im in a flick, ttyl" after that it's, "DUDE, SHUT YOUR SHIT OFF!" Works everytime!

mhg83

I went to see The Mist with my parents last week. There was a guy in the back row that would continually comment and make a joke at almost every scene! that really pissed me off. Didn't realize the theaters now have audio commentaries.

Joe Molotov

I can't remember very many bad experiences at theaters. Really the only one I can think of where it felt like my experience was being ruined by another patron was when I went to see A Series of Unfortunate Events, and a couple sitting next to me put their toddler in the seat right next to me and crawled all over me for about 45 minutes. The couple would be like "Oops, sorry!" and pick him up, but 5 minutes later they'd sit him back down and then he'd be crawling all over me again. Finally I spied a few other empty seats and moved.

Oh yeah, and I do remember being a few rows back from a hacking smoker once, I think it might have been A Knight's Tale. About once a minute he'd let loose with a big, wet, wheezing cough that ripped through the entire theater. That was really annoying.

Mittman

I've had many bad experiences. Worst was during Spiderman 2. Ten year old kid behind me with his mom and 2 older sisters. Kid must have eaten his weight in ICEEs. Continued to talk the entire movie. I tried to let it go. During the train scene, he vomits over the back of my seat. Nothing got on me, but it did smell. I would have moved, but the theater was sold out. To make matters worse, he leaves with his mom. Mom comes back in about 10 minutes later and kneels down next to the sisters giving them an update. "Oh, he's getting some water in the lobby. He must have had too much sugar. I think he has another shirt in the car, I'll go get it and be back in 5". About this time I turn around and tell them to shut up. They respond by calling me a prick for not caring about this little kid. I tell the sisters if they are so concerned, go out in the lobby and check on him. Don't get the update in the middle of the movie. Blah, almost ruined the whole movie for me. I had to go back and see it again because I missed half of the 3rd act.

Since I've moved I've had a dozen or so bad experiences. Luckily, I've found that the AMC in Tysons Corner is the best mainstream theater experience in the DC area. Typically people there are very quiet and attentive.

Drexl

It sounds like you got what you came for.

Brack

General Behavior! *salutes*

clemente

You guys must just pick crappy theaters....I frequent the same 3 or 4 theaters and I have maybe 2 or 3 bad experiences a year (out of 100 or so)

zekeburger1979

Dammit!

Cardsfan111

I don't see a great number of movies in theaters but I generally try to catch matinee showings of movies I really want to see. With the smaller crowd, it allows me to keep some space between myself and anyone who might annoy me.

Heat

I've pretty much stopped going to theaters. I'll send my kids off to the movies with their friends (and their friends parents) but I avoid the theater whenever possible. I do catch drive-ins regularly during the summer, and I rent DVDs / buy occasionally.

The last two movies that I remember seeing in the theater (not including the drive-in) were Happy Feet and one of the Lord of the Rings movies.

Brian Shannon

I have not been to a movie theater in over 8 years and will likely never go back. Although the OP has valid points, this is old news. Sadly theater owners do nothing about it.

toddly6666

In NYC movie theaters:

For me, there's always that piss-smelling person (male or woman) with scragily hair, long jacket, a lot of noisy plastic bags that walk in 20 minutes into the movie and sits near me....The stench is unbearable that I either move or eventually the person leaves after 20 minutes. ...And then there's the bum that also walks in 20 minutes into the movie and sits in one of those front corner seats and interacts with the movie - shouting, loudly reacting, raising hands, pointing to the screen.

For an empty theater, this is what I recommend for the seat kickers. If your seat continues to get kicked, get up, and sit right behind that person and subtly kick his seat. I've never done that, but i think about that a lot. Usually, I do the George Costanza, turn around, and say it really loud so it's more shocking than anything. If you whisper to the person to stop kicking, it's not really impactfull enough. Do the sudden turn around, and be really loud like "Could you cut it out!!!" It's the shock of the loudness and the embarrassement that stops them from kicking. If the whole theater knows that this person is a kicker and that i'm the type of person to speak really loud, they will try not to kick to avoid embarressment...

Bandit03

The only time I go to theatres is for the movies that I really want to see. Ive only been to the theatres 5 or six times this year. I used to go to the movies every Friday night until I found out it wasnt worth it. Everything from the traffic to the noise and behavior just starting pissing me off. My fiance and I decided that if we really wanted to see a movie, we would go see the matinee show; the rest of the time we would just wait a few months for the DVD and enjoy it at home.

DVD Josh

I've repeated this story many times before on the forum, but here's my favorite asshole in a movie theater story of all time.

Went to see a 10:30 showing of a film on a weeknight. There was about 15 people in a fairly large room. We were all very spread out. About 10 mins. into the film, a guy answered his cell, talked for about sixty seconds and got the usual shushes. 10 mins. later phone rings again, this time he's on it for about 3 mins. A guy walks up to him and looks to say politely to take it outside or turn it off. Seems to get some gruff back, but hangs up. 10 mins. later, phone rings again, and guy makes it a point to speak loudly an obnoxiously. This time, the other person goes to his seat, grabs his phone out of his hand, and throws it against the wall and it shatters, then calmly returns to his seat. Quite shocking to witness. First guy gets all freaked out, goes to get presumably the manager (from what he was screaming). Mgr. comes back, talks to second guy, then escorts FIRST guy from the theater (kicking and screaming).

We all made it a point to say thanks after the movie. I asked him if he felt like he needed some backup when he walked to his car and he told me he could take care of himself and was looking forward to him trying something. I had no intention of getting into a fight, just dissuade the guy from taking revenge.

Giles

the last past two times I've had to tell the person in front of me to turn off their phones.

at Beowulf (IMAX), some teenage girl was doing something with the phone and I was like:
'I didn't pay 15 dollars to see you use your phone'


at the beginning of Enchanted, (after an animated 'Kung Fu Panda' berated the audience to not use phones during the film) the mother in front of me was texting on her phone - I leaned over tapped her on the shoulder and said 'THAT's distracting' - she immediately put the phone away and never used it again throughout the entire movie.

The Bus

I must be incredibly lucky because I haven't experienced anything that is even remotely disturbing this year, and I've been to the theatres 60-odd times.

boredsilly

I went to see the Mist with some friends, and the Theatre was pretty well behaved.

However, there was one bit where

boredsilly

I agree that the matinée route is the way to go, especially for adult movies (not stuff like Bee Movie or Shrek). You avoid a lot of the teen assholes and stuff this way. Also, waiting a week or two and then going to see a matinee almost guarantees there will be less than 10 people in a theater at any given early show.

Giles

also Washingtonians generally don't go to the AMC early morning shows before noon - it's a great time to experience a movie with very few people.

kakihara1

The last movie I went to was "30 Days of Night" and while the movie may have been awful the people in the theater made it a far worse experience than it needed to be...

Actually there were only 7 people in the theater when I watched it, a couple, myself and a friend, and this old bitch with two approximately 11 year old girls. At first it was just my buddy and me and the couple that sat about two rows in front of us but as the movie was getting ready to start the old lady came in and sat in the lower section of the theater as the little girls ran straight up to the top stomping their feet as loudly as possible every step of the way, then when they got to the top they started giggling and talking in half whispers that could easily be heard for a minute or two then ran down the stairs stomping the whole way to give thier coats to the old lady. then they stomped thier way back up the the top.

Much of the crappy film is pretty quiet so it was nearly impossible to pay attention to the movie when you could hear the little girls talking and then they would run up and down over and over again for concessions and the bathroom etc. I finally got super pissed when the old lady started hacking up her lung and it lasted like ten minutes so after she didn't leave the theater to get a drink of water or something I figured talking to her about controlling her kids was going to fall on deaf ears. So I went to the courtesy counter and complained. Actually at first I asked that they be removed from the theater but when the guy offered free passes for another movie some other time, I decided that would be good enough because the movie seriously sucked ass anyhow.

So back the the theater I go and after a minute or so the girls decided they'd had enough of the movie so they started playing some flippin game on the floor together and were being loud as shit so I actually said "can you girls please be quiet?" they shut up for about a minute and then went running down to the old lady where I'm sure they told her I yelled at them because when this POS film was finally over on the way out of the theater she was standing by the bathrooms and she gave me this super shitty look, at this point I just didn't care anymore. I didn't want to have a confrontation with her so instead I just blurted out loudly "You've got to be fucking kidding me!!" as I looked straight at her and she just kept staring as we walked by so then I made a comment to my friend loudly enough for her to hear "If you can't control fucking brat kids then you should bring them to a fucking horror movie" of course the girls were in the bathroom as I wouldn't have spoken like that in front of them (believe me I made sure they weren't around when I started making comments.....they were probably in the bathroom getting high or starting some shit on fire). Anyhow we walked out the door and went home.

Sorry for the long boring ass story but this was my most recent visit to the theater.

slop101

Seeing "No Country" at the Arclight was a pleasure - no noise from anyone.

But seeing a matinee of The Mist was a nightmare. About 15 minutes into the movie, I heard a baby, and I'm like, you gotta be kidding! So about 15 minutes after that, the baby starts crying, but the teenage mother (that's right) didn't do anything about it. But after a few minutes a bunch of people started shouting "get it out!", and she eventually complied and was followed out by the rest of her high school friends. Un-fucking-believable.

Doc MacGyver

It really is bad. Don't be quiet about it. Most people fear confrontation. When something annoying happens around me in a theater, ask politely for it to stop. If it does not, let go with both barrells. I've hung up other people's phones and threatened to break them next time they ring. I've told parents to make their children behave and stop kicking my seat. If they ignore you, try this chestnut: "Excuse me, son.. could you tell your obese whore of a mother to either beat you every once in a while or give you up for adoption to someone who can raise you properly?" This usually makes the mother leave with kids in tow.

If someone spills something on you and doesn't apologize, wait a few minutes and then go out to the concession stand. Buy a king-sized Hi-C fruit punch. dump a quarter of it out and replace it with nacho cheese and popcorn butter. Sit back down. Make a show of taking the lid off and placing it carefully in your arm rest. Then overtly pour it down the front of them - They will usually leave.

If you tell teenagers to be quiet and they start cursing at you - DO NOT BE AFRAID TO HIT THEM. No one likes teenagers, and no one will be on their side. Trust Me.

Of course it helps that I'm over 6 feet and weigh two hundred pounds with crazy-eyes. Still, give these helpful tips a try.


-Doc