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View Full Version : need kid advice daughter is kicking my newborns ass


kiddk1
06-26-06, 08:12 AM
I have a 20 month old daughter and a 2 month old son, it seems that any chance my daughter gets she is either pulling his hair or poking him in the eye, I tried time out, talking to her... nothing works. any advice? is this normal because she is jealous? thanks

RunBandoRun
06-26-06, 08:25 AM
Kill your daughter. Immediately. :D

AGuyNamedMike
06-26-06, 08:35 AM
You gotta keep'em separated! [/offspring]

Seriously.

Sdallnct
06-26-06, 08:36 AM
I'd say it is not abnormal. Sounds like you are doing the right thing, tho to be honest I'm a little more old school. Yea time out is well and good but a firm single spank can get the message across often better then anything else. I'm sure she will eventually out grow it, but that doesn't mean I would wait for that. You are not only trying to correct this behavior but reinforce there are consequences to actions and you are indeed the boss .

You also want to let others know what is going on. If she goes to day care, plays with other kids. Let them know your daughter is "in this stage" so they can watch and help with it as well.

ANDREMIKE
06-26-06, 08:54 AM
maybe teach her the right way to hold a baby. Let her hold him and show her how to be nice...

majorjoe23
06-26-06, 09:43 AM
Give the newborn a gun. It will teach him gun safety and self-esteem.

Save Ferris
06-26-06, 09:55 AM
If your son is letting himself get pushed around by women at this age, it sets a bad standard for the rest of his life.

Bronkster
06-26-06, 10:42 AM
Obviously you need to have another kid as soon as possible to act as a mediator.

adamblast
06-26-06, 10:45 AM
Obviously you need to have another kid as soon as possible to act as a mediator.Angelina, is that you? I'm your biggest fan!

Michael Ballack
06-26-06, 10:58 AM
I don't blame her, she lost her chance to be an only child for the rest of her life. Poor girl. :(

mrpayroll
06-26-06, 11:04 AM
It's time to use proper parenting techniques. You need to start spanking her.

Let her know that her actions will bring her painful discipline.

Enough with these time outs and talking to the kids of today. We see how wonderfully this has worked during the last 30 years or so, by the quality of 'most' parents and kids. -ohbfrank-

Chris

RunBandoRun
06-26-06, 11:08 AM
Never mind spanking. Kill her. JUST DO IT. :D

mosquitobite
06-26-06, 11:11 AM
My brother who is 17 months older than my sister used to sit on her head when mom would change her diaper :lol:

It really is jealousy. :shrug: I agree with Chris though, a spanking WILL work.

If she bites, you bite her. If she pulls hair, you pull her hair. At 20mos I don't think kids connect what they're doing to the result. (pain)

She also needs some alone time with mommy and daddy. Not a ton, but some one on one attention.

Dr. Henry Jones, Jr.
06-26-06, 11:45 AM
take her to a child psychologist

NotThatGuy
06-26-06, 11:57 AM
I'll save you ~$120-$150/hr by giving you some basics:

With a child that young, you are limited with your recourse. I'd suggest setting clear and consistant consequences for your daughter. If she hits him, remove her from the situation and punish her (suggest in a boring place like a playpen without any toys, in her room).

The other end of the equation is her loss of attention and mom's affection. You need to spent 1 on 1 time with her, so she feels like you pay attention to her, and that you attend to her needs. Kids can understand structure, so sometimes it is helpful to set a routine where she knows she will have 'her' time.

Once your newborn gets older, you can incorporate the three of you in activities. This will help with sibling interaction, and also could help you by teaching your daughter some basic skills and build personal responsibility and a sense of inclusion. Small tasks like getting a blanket for nap time, etc.

That should get you started.

-p

Chrisedge
06-26-06, 12:11 PM
Send her to the "Naughty Spot" - Supernanny

illini420
06-26-06, 12:16 PM
supernanny rocks. if the naughty spot doesn't work, then go for the spanking, but just don't do it in front of anyone else or they'll take your kids away.

Hiro11
06-26-06, 12:32 PM
Punishing a 20 month old is an exercise in futility. It isn't going to work because she's just too young. I say just "keep em separated".

Pharoh
06-26-06, 12:32 PM
It's time to use proper parenting techniques. You need to start spanking her.

Let her know that her actions will bring her painful discipline.

Enough with these time outs and talking to the kids of today. We see how wonderfully this has worked during the last 30 years or so, by the quality of 'most' parents and kids. -ohbfrank-

Chris



rotfl

Pharoh
06-26-06, 12:36 PM
My brother who is 17 months older than my sister used to sit on her head when mom would change her diaper :lol:

It really is jealousy. :shrug: I agree with Chris though, a spanking WILL work.

If she bites, you bite her. If she pulls hair, you pull her hair. At 20mos I don't think kids connect what they're doing to the result. (pain)

She also needs some alone time with mommy and daddy. Not a ton, but some one on one attention.



So using violence when angry/upset/frustrated, (how the child will see it), teaches her to not use violence when she is upset/frustrated/angry?

Now I am not against this type of punishment in general, and believe that each family should choose what they believe is best for themselves, but I have serious doubts it would work in this case.

taa455
06-26-06, 12:40 PM
Spanking a 20 month old is going to teach her nothing but at least to mistrust you as a parent/caregiver and at most to hit others more. Children that young won't understand why you are spanking her. Show her how to act towards the infant by letting her hold the baby and showing her how to be sweet, gentle, etc. For a child this age, showing them the correct behavior and rewarding it is far more effective that punishments for incorrect behavior. "Eye for an eye" type discipline such as biting your child and pulling hair, etc., is not the way to go, IMO.

Breakfast with Girls
06-26-06, 12:42 PM
It's time to use proper parenting techniques. You need to start spanking her.This Proper Parenting Technique moment has been brought to you by <b>mrpayroll</b>, childcare professional.

If she bites, you bite her. If she pulls hair, you pull her hair.Yikes.

I don't have kids (so take this for what it's worth), but I would suggest involving her in your son's daily routine, and let her help where she can. Also, spend time with her away from the baby.

RunBandoRun
06-26-06, 12:56 PM
I don't have kids either, and actually think 20 months is a little young for a spanking. But I'm disappointed that nobody called me out for saying to kill her. :D

But seriously. "If you keep hurting your little brother I'm going to hurt you to show you how hurting your little brother is wrong!" Puh-leeze.

Fincher Fan
06-26-06, 12:57 PM
Do you have a spare closet you can lock her in until she is of the marrying age at 12?

GMan2819
06-26-06, 01:17 PM
Shave the newborn's head and put goggles on him. :shrug: Seems obvious to me. :)

Fok
06-26-06, 01:17 PM
I say a slight spank should do the trick

Giantrobo
06-26-06, 01:22 PM
Obviously she's jealous. Did you guys stop paying attention or stop spoiling her since the new baby came home?

mrpayroll
06-26-06, 01:47 PM
So using violence when angry/upset/frustrated, (how the child will see it), teaches her to not use violence when she is upset/frustrated/angry?

Now I am not against this type of punishment in general, and believe that each family should choose what they believe is best for themselves, but I have serious doubts it would work in this case.

Discipline does not equal violence, if done properly.

Young children before the 70's were disciplined properly via spanking methods and most of them turned out to be curteous, God fearing people who fought in wars to protect our country from the evil ones.

Now all they are fighting are The Man and each other! -ohbfrank-

Chris

:lol:

Baron Of Hell
06-26-06, 01:57 PM
You should beat the hell out of the demon child until the unholy things are out of her. Use a bat.

RunBandoRun
06-26-06, 02:05 PM
Discipline does not equal violence, if done properly.

Young children before the 70's were disciplined properly via spanking methods and most of them turned out to be curteous, God fearing people who fought in wars to protect our country from the evil ones.

Now all they are fighting are The Man and each other! -ohbfrank-

Chris

:lol:

Chris: I don't have a problem with spanking, but as others have said, a 20 month old isn't going to understand why she's being spanked. There are other methods that would work better with a child that young.

And yes, I realize that some people think spanking is wrong at any age. I'd rather not go there, thanks.

Michael Ballack
06-26-06, 02:20 PM
Yes, spanking should be left to the adults. :p

mrpayroll
06-26-06, 03:26 PM
I don't have kids either, and actually think 20 months is a little young for a spanking. But I'm disappointed that nobody called me out for saying to kill her. :D

But seriously. "If you keep hurting your little brother I'm going to hurt you to show you how hurting your little brother is wrong!" Puh-leeze.


That's because everyone knew you were kidding, but they knew I was deadly serious! :mad:

Chris

mrpayroll
06-26-06, 03:26 PM
Chris: I don't have a problem with spanking, but as others have said, a 20 month old isn't going to understand why she's being spanked. There are other methods that would work better with a child that young.

And yes, I realize that some people think spanking is wrong at any age. I'd rather not go there, thanks.

Help me out here. Are children walking by the age of 20 months? Are they even speaking? :confused:

Chris

:lol:

kiddk1
06-26-06, 03:27 PM
thanks, spanking has been tried it does not help, she does not understand. My wife is a psychologist and we have tried everything except the suggestion to separate like using a playpen. Thank you all for your responses.

RunBandoRun
06-26-06, 03:34 PM
Help me out here. Are children walking by the age of 20 months? Are they even speaking? :confused:

Most of 'em would be walking at 20 months, but speaking -- probably not, other than the odd "mama" and "dadda" stuff.

mrpayroll
06-26-06, 03:36 PM
thanks, spanking has been tried it does not help, she does not understand. My wife is a psychologist and we have tried everything except the suggestion to separate like using a playpen. Thank you all for your responses.

Unfortunately, it seems like we've gotten to you too late. If spanking is already not working at 20 months, then it is only going to get worse as she gets older.

Seriously, we have this darling young girl (age 4) who can be a sweetheart part of the time. She has the kind of smile and disposition that would get her on the cover of Toddler Today (trademark pending), but if she doesn't get what she wants, she is literally Satan's child.

Last week she cried (deep, gutteral screaming) for at least 20 minutes, saying the same words over and over again (was in a different language so I couldn't understand it). Believe me, you could hear her screaming at least a half a block away. I found out later that she was screaming because there was no milk in the house for her.

As far as I know, she has never been disciplined via spanking. I can only wonder and am pretty sure how she is going to be as she gets older. By the time she is a teen, she is going to be a queen bitch, that's for sure. I still love the person that she is, but she has serious behavioral problems at age 4.

It's really sad to think that a little proper disclipling via spanking at an early age would have corrected her, out of control behavior, now. And this wasn't an isolated case. I've been living there for 16 months now and it has happened dozens of times. If you were a visitor to the apartments and heard her tantrums, you would think she was being abused. But thankfully, that isn't the case.

Chris

WallyOPD
06-26-06, 04:00 PM
As far as I know, she has never been disciplined via spanking [...] It's really sad to think that a little proper disclipling via spanking at an early age would have corrected her, out of control behavior, now.

You don't even know if she's ever been spanked but you're already convinced that it's the problem and would have been the solution?

Breakfast with Girls
06-26-06, 04:00 PM
<b>Chris</b>, it sounds like the problem with that girl is not that she wasn't spanked, but that she is used to one or both of her parents caving in and giving her whatever she wants.

<b>kiddk1</b>, if the playpen idea doesn't work, you can try performing a German suplex on her.

rabbit77
06-26-06, 04:02 PM
I was just about to propose the German Suplex solution as well, but BWG beat me to it.

mrpayroll
06-26-06, 04:05 PM
You don't even know if she's ever been spanked but you're already convinced that it's the problem and would have been the solution?

I look back to the first half of the 20th century and know that children were properly disciplined by spanking all the time back then. Those kids grew up to respect their parents, elders and others. Of course there are always exceptions and there were back then (Charles Manson ;) )

Hell, I was spanked ALOT in the 60's. But when I got too big for both my mom and dad, they brought out the belt and after awhile I got tired of that and just laughed in their faces.

But I grew up respecting my mom and she is still the person I most confide in with today. My dad on the other hand (please see my numerous threads about my relationship (or lack thereof) with him. ;)

Chris

ShallowHal
06-26-06, 05:31 PM
Next time she does this, smear some peanut butter on her eye.

crazyronin
06-26-06, 05:43 PM
You could tell her about the huge, ugly, child eating troll that protects younger siblings, that lives in her closet...

...or about kvrdave. I think either would be sufficient.




;)

bwvanh114
06-26-06, 06:36 PM
Forget everyone saying to spank the 20 month old. The correct response is to spank the 2 month old.

Similar concept to how a stimulant is given to people with ADHD, you need to spank the 2 month old. This will limit the abuse from the 20 month old.

(Duh, this is a joke!)

NotThatGuy
06-26-06, 07:17 PM
It seems obvious, but when dealing with young children, you need to find what they react to. Some kids can't stand being ignored. Other kids need a swat (or thread of a swat) to stay in like, etc.

Spanking *can* be effective, and is not detrimental, if done CORRECTLY. I'm too tired to go through all of it, but the gist was that if done in the correct setting, with proper framing of choice/consequence, controlled demeanor of the parent, consistant administering of the punishment ("punishment fits the crime").

Don't get caught up in the, violence to punish violence.

Personally I think spanking, used sparingly and in a controlled setting, can be very effective.....but many people don't do it right.

-p

kiddk1
06-26-06, 08:43 PM
<b>Chris</b>

<b>kiddk1</b>, if the playpen idea doesn't work, you can try performing a German suplex on her.
how about the DDP

Adiras
06-26-06, 09:03 PM
Its not too late to put her up for adoption...

mrpayroll
06-27-06, 12:47 AM
Personally I think spanking, used sparingly and in a controlled setting, can be very effective.....but many people don't do it right.

-p

These are the people that were not spanked as they were growing up, hence the improper training!

Chris

Ranger
06-27-06, 02:22 AM
I think keeping them separated is a good idea.

The other thing I would try is the "hot stove" approach which means instant consequence after the negative action. For example, if she hits the baby, immediately firmly tap or push her arm away and say NO (don't yell).

Draven
06-27-06, 08:16 AM
When my son goes for the stove or the electrical outlets, he gets a swat on the butt. Otherwise, we don't hit our kids.

He's very good with his baby sister, but when he has gotten rough with her, he's immediately removed from the situation and put in his room until he calms down. No pleading, no reasoning (he's 2, you can't reason with him) - I just pick him up and march him upstairs.

I will not tolerate these kids hitting each other (my nieces beat on each other all the time and it drives me up the wall) so if it gets physical they are immediately separated. So far it seems to be working well. I'll never understand the logic of "*smack* Don't hit your sister!" - sorry, that just isn't going to fly.

DRG
06-27-06, 02:59 PM
Adopt a 4 year old, which will move your daughter down the pecking order. Instruct the 4 year old to do to your daughter what she does to the newborn.

mrpayroll
06-27-06, 03:05 PM
Adopt a 4 year old, which will move your daughter down the pecking order. Instruct the 4 year old to do to your daughter what she does to the newborn.

And so the vicious cycle begins! -ohbfrank-

Chris

Breakfast with Girls
06-27-06, 03:26 PM
I think keeping them separated is a good idea.

The other thing I would try is the "hot stove" approach which means instant consequence after the negative action. For example, if she hits the baby, immediately firmly place her hand on a hot stove.Wow, dude. That's fucked up. :whofart:

Th0r S1mpson
06-27-06, 03:38 PM
Give her candy, a handful of money and drop her off at the mall?

Oh, you said 20 <i>months</i>?

Just enjoy the next 14 years. When she gets a car, post back.

(Enough people are giving serious answers that I don't feel bad about a jab)

GMan2819
06-27-06, 03:55 PM
Wow, dude. That's fucked up. :whofart:
It worked on me. I haven't poked my brother's eyes in over 10 years. Everytime I get the urge, I look at the scar and the urge goes away. I won't go near a stove either.

mrpayroll
06-27-06, 04:11 PM
It worked on me. I haven't poked my brother's eyes in over 10 years. Everytime I get the urge, I look at the scar and the urge goes away. I won't go near a stove either.

So a lot of sandwiches & Top Ramen?

Chris

mikehunt
06-27-06, 05:39 PM
spanking

Talzin
06-27-06, 07:34 PM
(or thread of a swat)
I agree with this point, print out this thread and make the child read it so that it is understood what is wrong and what might happen if not corrected.