So I recently saw Team America, and I feel compelled to start a thread about the best speech from a movie. If you've seen Team America, then you probably know what speech I'm talking about -- the one given by Gary at the end of the film, onstage at Kim Jong Il's stage production. Extremely offensive, yes .. hilarious, definitely. And oddly poetic :) Definitely a memorable movie speech.
So what are some other memorable movie speeches for the rest of you, and why?
Shannon Nutt
10-17-05, 03:47 PM
This is for everyone posting in the ROCKY VI thread:
"If I can change...and you can change...everyone can change!!!"
Actually...this is the definition of a "Non-memorable movie speech," but I couldn't help myself.
My real vote would go to this scene:
http://members.aon.at/sonie/photo/pulp/jules.jpg
"...But I'm trying Ringo. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd."
bhk
10-17-05, 03:55 PM
As soon as I saw it, I thought Patton.
Michael Corvin
10-17-05, 04:05 PM
Braveheart
"Fight and you may die. Run and you will live at least awhile. And dying in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!"
"People once believed, that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens, that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can't rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes the crow could bring that soul back to put the wrong things right."
tdirgins
10-17-05, 04:11 PM
I thought of Patton, too, but love Kenneth Branagh's speech to rally the troops in Henry V:
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."
Dan1boy
10-17-05, 04:15 PM
The greatest monologue of all time from our beloved Planes, Trains and Automobiles:
"You're no saint. You got a free cab, you got a free room--and someone'll listen to your boring stories! Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some sort of clue, like maybe this guy is not enjoying it? Y'know, not everything is an anecdote, you have to discriminate! You choose things are funny or mildly amusing! You're a miracle! Your stories have none of that! They're not even amusing accidentally! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for ya! And, oh, here's a gun so you can blow your brains out, you'll thank me for it!
I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there, and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face! And they'd say, how can you stand it? And I'd say, because I've been with Del Griffith, I can take anything! Y'know what they'd say, they'd say, "I know what you mean, shower curtain ring guy...whoa!"
It's like going on a date with a Chatty-Kathy doll. I expect you to have a string on your chest that you pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back, you would! [imitating] Dyah dyah dyah dyah! And, you know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it makes it so much more interesting for the listener!"
I did a search on "movie speech" and nothing came up. Should have just tried searching on "speech" I guess.
Star Wars Guy
10-17-05, 04:34 PM
The PT&A speech is very good!
I'd also vote for Hooper's Star Wars is racist speech from Chasing Amy.
roger_d
10-17-05, 05:09 PM
Michael Douglas character speech in "Wallstreet".
SmackDaddy
10-17-05, 05:19 PM
http://www.2blowhards.com/archives/AnimalHouseBelushiToga3-thumb.jpg
Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
...the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
We're just the guys to do it.
LET'S DO IT!
Goldblum
10-17-05, 05:22 PM
In "Deep Blue Sea", Samuel L. Jackson gives the best speech while getting eaten by a shark that I've ever heard.
lordwow
10-17-05, 05:26 PM
From Memento:
Right at the end, Lenny deciding to make Teddy his "John G"
Duh Vuh Duh
10-17-05, 05:32 PM
Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting.
Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at the N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people that I never met and that I never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's walking to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure, fuck it, while I'm at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.
caligulathegod
10-17-05, 05:59 PM
Gary Cooper in The Fountainhead:
Thousands of years ago, the first man discovered how to make fire. He was probably burned at the stake he had taught his brothers to light, but he left them a gift they had not conceived, and he lifted darkness off the earth.
Throughout the centuries, there were men who took first steps down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision. The great creators -- the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the inventors -- stood alone against the men of their time. Every new thought was opposed; every new invention was denounced. But the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They fought, they suffered, and they paid. But they won.
No creator was prompted by a desire to please his brothers. His brothers hated the gift he offered.
His truth was his only motive.
His work was his only goal.
His work -- not those who used it.
His creation -- not the benefits others derived from it -- the creation which gave form to his truth.
He held his truth above all things and against all men. He went ahead whether others agreed with him or not, with his integrity as his only banner. He served nothing and no one. He lived for himself. And only by living for himself was he able to achieve the things which are the glory of mankind. Such is the nature of achievement. Man cannot survive except through his mind. He comes on earth unarmed. His brain is his only weapon. But the mind is an attribute of the individual. There is no such thing as a collective brain. The man who thinks must think and act on his own. The reasoning mind cannot work under any form of compulsion. It cannot be subordinated to the needs, opinions, or wishes of others. It is not an object of sacrifice.
The creator stands on his own judgment; the parasite follows the opinions of others.
The creator thinks; the parasite copies.
The creator produces; the parasite loots.
The creator's concern is the conquest of nature; the parasite's concern is the conquest of men.
The creator requires independence. He neither serves nor rules. He deals with men by free exchange and voluntary choice.
The parasite seeks power. He wants to bind all men together in common action and common slavery. He claims that man is only a tool for the use of others -- that he must think as they think, act as they act, and live in selfless, joyless servitude to any need but his own.
Look at history: Everything we have, every great achievement has come from the independent work of some independent mind. Every horror and destruction came from attempts to force men into a herd of brainless, soulless robots -- without personal rights, without person ambition, without will, hope, or dignity.
It is an ancient conflict. It has another name: "The individual against the collective."
Our country, the noblest country in the history of men, was based on the principle of individualism, the principle of man's "inalienable rights." It was a country where a man was free to seek his own happiness, to gain and produce, not to give up and renounce; to prosper, not to starve; to achieve, not to plunder; to hold as his highest possession a sense of his personal value, and as his highest virtue his self-respect.
Look at the results. That is what the collectivists are now asking you to destroy, as much of the earth has been destroyed.
I am an architect. I know what is to come by the principle on which it is built. We are approaching a world in which I cannot permit myself to live. My ideas are my property. They were taken from me by force, by breach of contract. No appeal was left to me.
It was believed that my work belonged to others, to do with as they pleased. They had a claim upon me without my consent -- that it was my duty to serve them without choice or reward.
Now you know why a dynamited Courtland. I designed Courtland. I made it possible. I destroyed it. I agreed to design it for the purpose of it seeing built as I wished. That was the price I set for my work. I was not paid. My building was disfigured at the whim of others who took all the benefits of my work and gave me nothing in return.
I came here to say that I do not recognize anyone's right to one minute of my life, nor to any part of my energy, nor to any achievement of mine -- no matter who makes the claim!
It had to be said: The world is perishing from an orgy of self-sacrificing. I came here to be heard in the name of every man of independence still left in the world. I wanted to state my terms. I do not care to work or live on any others.
My terms are: A man's RIGHT to exist for his own sake.
sherm42
10-17-05, 06:00 PM
Scent of a Woman
George T
10-17-05, 06:07 PM
The Grapes Of Wrath
"...I'll be all around in the dark. I'll be ever'-where - wherever you can look. Wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad - I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry an' they know supper's ready. An' when the people are eatin' the stuff they raise, and livin' in the houses they build - I'll be there, too."
Mr. Salty
10-17-05, 06:42 PM
A bit Tarantino-heavy, but:
Dennis Hopper in "True Romance."
Christopher Walken in "Pulp Fiction."
Luther Heggs
10-17-05, 06:55 PM
This would've been a great movie speech if Paramount hadn't put the project into turnaround:
"Stood in firelight, sweltering bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night. Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever, and we are alone... Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, hellbound as ourselves; go into oblivion. There is nothing else. Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It's us. Only us."
Trigger
10-17-05, 07:20 PM
I thought I had posted this in a previous thread, but it apparently wasn't that one - but anyway, I have always been partial to the "Man who taught his asshole to talk" monologue in Naked Lunch. Used to be able to recite it verbatim.
JMLEWIS1
10-17-05, 08:42 PM
Brian's Song:
Sayers: I'd like to say a few words about a guy I know, a friend of mine. His name is Brian Piccolo, and he has the heart of a giant and that rare form of courage which allows him to kid himself and his opponent -- cancer.
He has a mental attitude which makes me proud to have a friend who spells out "courage," 24 hours a day, every day of his life.
Now you flatter me by giving me this award. But I say to you here and now, Brian Piccolo is the man of courage who should receive the George S. Halas award.
It's mine tonight and Brian Piccolo's tomorrow.
I love Brian Piccolo.
And I'd like all of you to love him too.
And tonight, you hit your knees:
Please ask God to love him.
Network:
Beale: I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.
We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be!
We all know things are bad -- worse than bad -- they're crazy.
It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone."
Well, I'm not going to leave you alone.
I want you to get mad!
I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street.
All I know is that first, you've got to get mad.
You've gotta say, "I'm a human being, goddammit! My life has value!"
So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell,
"I'm as mad as hell,
and I'm not going to take this anymore!!"
On the Waterfront:
"Remember that night in the Garden? You came down to my dressing room and you said 'kid, this ain't your night. We're going for the price on Wilson'... You was my brother, Charlie. You shoulda looked out for me a little bit so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum. Which is what I am. Let's face it."
2001:
"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave? Dave, I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question. I know everything hasn't been quite right with me...but I can assure you now...very confidently...that it's going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do. Look, Dave...I can see you're really upset about this...I honestly think you should sit down calmly...take a stress pill and think things over...Dave...stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave.......Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a...fraid......Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you..."
Glengarry:
"As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them! You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shit, you are shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!... Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me, you f--king faggots? A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-closing. Always be closing! Always be closing! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention: do I have your attention? Interest: are you interested? I know you are because it's f--k or walk. You close or you hit the bricks! Decision: have you made your decision for Christ?! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!"
http://www.filmsite.org/20bestspeeches.html
Rockmjd23
10-18-05, 03:01 AM
Team America: World Police
We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pus****. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pus**** don't like dicks, because pus**** get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pus**** may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pus** to show them that. But sometimes, pus**** can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pus**** are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pus**** all covered in shit!
Cameron
10-18-05, 03:33 AM
This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.
caligulathegod
10-18-05, 11:05 AM
Didn't the original poster already use the Team America speech?
jiffy97
10-18-05, 08:11 PM
Field of Dreams:
Mann: Ray, people will come, Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway, not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. "Of course, we won't mind if you have a look around," you'll say. "It's only twenty dollars per person." They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it; for it is money they have and peace they lack.
Mark: Ray, just sign the papers.
Mann: And they'll walk out to the bleachers, and sit in shirt-sleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game, and it'll be as if they'd dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick, they'll have to brush them away from their faces.
Mark: Ray, when the bank opens in the morning, they'll foreclose.
Mann: People will come, Ray.
Mark: You're broke, Ray. You sell now or you lose everything.
Mann: The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again. Ohhhhhhhh, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come.
jiffy97
10-18-05, 08:25 PM
The Return of the King:
Aragorn:
Hold your ground! Hold your ground!
Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers,
I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me.
A day may come when the courage of men fails,
when we forsake our friends
and break all bonds of fellowship,
but it is not this day.
An hour of wolves and shattered shields,
when the age of men comes crashing down,
but it is not this day!
This day we fight!!
By all that you hold dear on this good Earth,
I bid you stand, Men of the West!!!
Jon2
10-18-05, 11:16 PM
I'll second Coop's speech from the Fountainhead.
If they ever get around to filming Atlas Shrugged, I'll nominate Galt's radio speech.
the goonie
10-19-05, 12:42 AM
president speech from ID4
Rockmjd23
10-19-05, 01:43 AM
Didn't the original poster already use the Team America speech?
:lol: I'm retarded, I was looking at the older thread and didn't see it there forgot about this one.
monkeyboy
10-19-05, 02:48 AM
The greatest monologue of all time from our beloved Planes, Trains and Automobiles:
Also one of my favs from PTA
-Welcome to Marathon, may I help you? -Yes. -Well, How may I help you? -You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks. And you can give me a fucking automobile. A fucking Buick, a fucking Datson, a fucking Toyota . . four fucking wheels and a seat! -I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me. -And I don't really care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really don't care to walk across a fucking highway and across a fucking runway just to get back here and have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car, right, fucking, now. -May I see your rental agreement? -I threw it away. -Oh boy. -OH BOY WHAT?... -YOU'RE FUCKED!
Apocalypse Now
"You smell that? Do you smell that? ... Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like ... victory. Someday this war's gonna end ..."
A Few Good Men
"You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know - that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall -- you need me on that wall. We use words like "honor," "code," "loyalty." We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand the post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!"
True Romance
"...In fact, I don't know if you know this or not, Sicilians were spawned by ******s... It's a fact. Sicilians have ****** blood pumpin' through their hearts. If you don't believe me, look it up. You see, hundreds and hundreds of years ago, the Moors conquered Sicily. And Moors are ******s. Way back then, Sicilians were like the wops in northern Italy. Blond hair, blue eyes. But, once the Moors moved in there, they changed the whole country. They did so much f--kin' with the Sicilian women, they changed the blood-line forever, from blonde hair and blue eyes to black hair and dark skin. I find it absolutely amazing to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, Sicilians still carry that ****** gene. I'm just quotin' history. It's a fact. It's written. Your ancestors were ******s. Your great, great, great, great, great-grandmother was f--ked by a ******, and had a half-****** kid. That is a fact. Now tell me, am I lyin'?"
eedoon
10-19-05, 05:35 AM
From Say Anything:
Lloyd Dobler: I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
From Yankee Doodle Dandy:
George M. Cohan: My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you.
taa455
10-19-05, 10:30 AM
The Return of the King:
Aragorn:
Hold your ground! Hold your ground!
Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers,
I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me.
A day may come when the courage of men fails,
when we forsake our friends
and break all bonds of fellowship,
but it is not this day.
An hour of wolves and shattered shields,
when the age of men comes crashing down,
but it is not this day!
This day we fight!!
By all that you hold dear on this good Earth,
I bid you stand, Men of the West!!!
That's a good one. I'd put King Theoden's speech to the Rohan riders above it though. Death!!!!!
TwoDog
10-19-05, 10:35 AM
Braveheart speech is definately my favorite
Another that comes to mind is Al Pacinio's speech in City Hall...when he is at the little boys funeral... i cannot recall the whole speech but he says "can we be great again"
kgrogers1979
10-19-05, 02:50 PM
From Billy Madison:
Mister Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
From National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:
If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber on Melody Lane with all the rich people. I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat assed, bug eyed, stiff legged, spotty lipped, worm headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit, where's the tylenol?
eXcentris
10-19-05, 03:04 PM
president speech from ID4
Memorable in the vomit inducing patriotic crap sense? :)
LurkerDan
10-19-05, 03:19 PM
Bill Murray has a number of classics.
The "it just doesn't matter" speech from Meatballs.
The speech to the troops in Stripes.
And not a speech, but one of the best fucking lines in movie history, from "In the Heat of the Night": "They call me Mr. Tibbs!"
Michael Corvin
10-19-05, 04:27 PM
From National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:
If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber on Melody Lane with all the rich people. I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat assed, bug eyed, stiff legged, spotty lipped, worm headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit, where's the tylenol?
Brilliant!
draven31
10-19-05, 09:09 PM
I like this one....They live
" I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum. "
Jake77444
10-19-05, 09:41 PM
im sure van wilder got some good ones.
ChefWinduAZ
10-20-05, 01:57 AM
From National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:
If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber on Melody Lane with all the rich people. I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat assed, bug eyed, stiff legged, spotty lipped, worm headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit, where's the tylenol?
That one is good but I like this one too:
"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."
Rocketdog2000
10-20-05, 02:09 AM
From Say Anything:
Lloyd Dobler: I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
Good one - I was getting ready to use it myself. He goes on more about kixboxing, but I like how he finishes suming the whole thing up...
"I don't know. I haven't got it all figured out tonight, so I'm just gonna hang with your daughter."
Mountain Biker
10-20-05, 02:11 AM
Surprised to see this one hasn't been mentioned...
Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into her side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte. We'd just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half-hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that in the water, Chief? You can tell by lookin' from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was that our bomb mission was so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin' by, so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the infantry squares in the old calendars like the Battle of Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and sometimes that shark he go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be livin'... 'til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin' and your hollerin' those sharks come in and... they rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks there were, maybe a thousand. I do know how many men, they averaged six an hour. Thursday mornin', Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boson's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water, he was like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. At noon on the fifth day, a Lockheed Ventura swung in low and he spotted us, a young pilot, lot younger than Mr. Hooper here, anyway he spotted us and a few hours later a big ol' fat PBY come down and started to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened. Waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the water. 316 men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.
Big Quasimodo
10-20-05, 03:50 AM
Memorable for sure:
[Monty standing in the men's bathroom talking to himself in the mirror]
Monty Brogan: Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Hasidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin' Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass!
Big Quasimodo
10-20-05, 04:05 AM
Here's another memorable one:
Kurtz: I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies. I remember when I was with Special Forces. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate the children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for Polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without judgment. Because it's judgment that defeats us.
iggystar
10-20-05, 11:55 AM
You guys are killing me with the quotes without identifying the movie!
jiffy97
10-20-05, 12:19 PM
Wall Street:
Gordon Gekko: The point is ladies and gentlemen that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of it's forms - greed for life, for money, knowledge - has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed - you mark my words - will not only save Teldar Paper but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you.
rexinnih
10-20-05, 12:35 PM
http://www.2blowhards.com/archives/AnimalHouseBelushiToga3-thumb.jpg
Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
...the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
We're just the guys to do it.
LET'S DO IT!
:up:
shizawn
10-20-05, 01:28 PM
A couple from First Blood:
Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don't turn it off! It wasn't my war! You asked me, I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to win! But somebody wouldn't let us win! And I come back to the world and I see all those maggots at the airport, protesting me, spitting. Calling me baby killer and all kinds of vile crap! Who are they to protest me? Who are they? Unless they've been me and been there and know what the hell they're yelling about!
We were in this bar in Saigon and this kid comes up, this kid carrying a shoe-shine box. And he says "Shine, please, shine!" I said no. He kept askin', yeah, and Joey said "Yeah." And I went to get a couple of beers, and the box was wired, and he opened up the box, fucking blew his body all over the place. And he's laying there, he's fucking screaming. There's pieces of him all over me, just... (Takes off his bandolier) like this, and I'm tryin' to pull him off, you know, my friend that's all over me! I've got blood and everything and I'm tryin' to hold him together! I'm puttin'... the guy's fuckin' insides keep coming out! And nobody would help! Nobody would help! He's saying, sayin' "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!" He keeps calling my name! "I wanna go home, Johnny! I wanna drive my Chevy!" I said "Why? I can't find your fuckin' legs! I can't find your legs!"
Oraphus
10-20-05, 01:33 PM
how can you all forget Boiler Room.. one of the best speeches ...ever. Am i the only one that loves this movie?
Jim: We don't hire brokers here, we train new ones. That's it Skippy - pack your shit, let's go. (the man leaves) Okay, here's the deal, I'm not here to waste your time. Okay, I certainly hope you're not here to waste mine, so I'm gonna keep this short. Become an employee of this firm, you will make your first million within 3 years. Okay, I'm gonna repeat that, you will make a million dollars, within three years of your first day of employment at J.T. Marlin. There's no question as to whether you become a millionaire working here. The only question is, how many times over. You think I'm joking....I am not joking. I am a millionaire. It's a weird thing to hear, right? Lemme tell ya, its a weird thing to say: I am a fucking millionaire. And guess how old I am...27, you know what that makes me here? A fucking senior citizen. This firm is entirely comprised of people your age, not mine. Lucky for me, I happen to be very fucking good at my job or I'd be out of one. You guys are the new blood. You are the future swinging dicks of this firm. Now you all look money hungry and that's good. Anybody who tells you that money is the root of all evil, doesn't fucking have any. They say money can't buy happiness. Look at the fucking smile on my face! Ear to ear baby! You want details, fine. I drive a Ferrari 355 Cabriolet. What's up? (slides keys across long table) I have a ridiculous house at the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all, I am liquid. So now you know what's possible, let me tell you what's required. You are required to work your fucking ass off at this firm. We want winners here, not pikers. A piker walks at the bell. A Piker asks how much vacation time you get in the first year. Vacation time? People come to work at this firm for one reason, to become filthy rich, that's it. We're not here to make friends, we're not saving the fucking manatees here guys. You want vacation time, go teach third grade at a public school.
and..
Seth Davis: I read this article a while back, it said the Microsoft employs more millionaire secretaries than any other company in the world. they chose stock options over Christmas bonuses. It was a good move. I remember there was this photo of one of the groundskeepers standing next to his Ferrari. You see shit lke this, and you just can't see. Makes you think its possible even easy. And you turn on the TV and there's just more of it. The 87 million dollar lottery winner. That kid actor who just made 20 million on his last movie. The Internet stock that shot through the roof. You could have made millions off it if you just got in early. And that's exactly what I wanted to do. Get in. I didn't want to be an innovator. I just wanted to make the quick, easy buck. I just wanted in. The Notorious BIG put it best. "Your either slingin crack rock, or you got a wicked jump shot." Nobody wants to work for it anymore. There's no honor in taking that after-school job at Mickey-Dee's. The honor's in the dollar kid. So in the whiteboy way of slingin crack rock, I became a stockbroker.
Rypro 525
10-20-05, 04:32 PM
You guys are killing me with the quotes without identifying the movie!
if you were interested, the one right above yours is from appocalypis now, and the one 2 above yours was from 25th hour.
Michael Corvin
10-20-05, 10:14 PM
You guys are killing me with the quotes without identifying the movie!
I thought mine were pretty obvious, but I went back and added the titles anyway.
Buttmunker
10-21-05, 07:21 AM
Chuck Noland (Cast Away):
We both had done the math. Kelly added it all up and... knew she had to let me go. I added it up, and knew that I had... lost her. 'cos I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So... I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me. And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I - , I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
Buttmunker
10-21-05, 07:32 AM
Ron Kovic (born on the Fourth of July):
Sometimes I wish, I wish I'd -- The first time I got hit, I was shot in the foot. I could have laid down, I mean -- who gives a fuck now if I was a hero or not? I was paralyzed, castrated that day; why? It was all so -- stupid! I'd have my dick and my balls now, and some days, Timmy -- some days I think I'd give everything I believe in -- everything I got, all my values, just to have my body back again, just to be whole again. But I'm not whole; I never will be, and that's -- that's the way it is, isn't it?
coli
10-21-05, 07:54 AM
If someone could get the exact transcript from Presummed Innocent when Harrison Ford's wife (Bonnie Bedellia) finally admits to killing his mistress, and she does it so subtly it is a very eerie scene.
JTH182
10-21-05, 08:19 AM
Jimmy Dugan: Evelyn, could you come here for a second? Which team do you play for?
Evelyn Gardner: Well, I'm a Peach.
Jimmy Dugan: Well I was just wonderin' why you would throw home when we got a two-run lead. You let the tying run get on second base and we lost the lead because of you. Start using your head. That's the lump that's three feet above your ass.
[Evelyn starts to cry]
Jimmy Dugan: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying, there's no crying in baseball. Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry? NO. NO. And do you know why?
Evelyn Gardner: No, no, no.
Jimmy Dugan: Because there's no crying in baseball.
JTH182
10-21-05, 08:24 AM
I love baseball quotes...
Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the puss y, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
Michael Corvin
10-21-05, 08:27 AM
The Rock
A couple of hundred years ago, a few guys called Washington, Jefferson and Adams were branded as traitors by the British, and now they're called patriots. In time so shall we. God-willing in less than 48 hours we will evacuate this place in gunships, under the cover of hostages and VX gas missiles. Your destination, a non-extradition treaty country. You will receive a fee of one million dollars for services rendered, but you can never again set foot on your native soil. Can you live with that?
Giantrobo
10-23-05, 07:46 AM
<b>Hyman Roth in The Godfather II</b>
"There was this kid I grew up with - he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me - you know. We did our first work together - worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition - we ran molasses into Canada - made a fortune - you father, too. As much as anyone, I loved him - and trusted him. Later on he had an idea - to build a city out of a desert stop-over for GI's on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Moe Green - and the city he invented was Las Vegas. This was a great man - a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque - or a signpost - or a statue of him in that town! Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order - when I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Moe - I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead - I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen - I didn't ask who gave the order - because it had nothing to do with business!"
shaggy
10-24-05, 03:02 AM
From National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:
If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber on Melody Lane with all the rich people. I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat assed, bug eyed, stiff legged, spotty lipped, worm headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit, where's the tylenol? [/QUOTE]
You beat me to it, a real classic. I never get sick of seeing this scene.
Buy: