"Alien Express": Are all SciFi TV Movies this cheesy?
08-18-05, 10:42 PM
#1
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"Alien Express": Are all SciFi TV Movies this cheesy?
There are minor spoilers, so please beware... but none of them are things that you wouldn't have seen coming if you had spent the two hours to actually watch the show...
The wife was gone and I was folding laundry and nothing was on so I was watching the last few minutes of something terrible called "Alien Lockdown" and they had an advertisement for "Alien Express" with Lou Diamond Phillips (strike 1).
The effects for the "Alien Lockdown" were horrible... all I saw was this flatly rendered helicopter/plane thingy superimposed over this sad mountainscape, and I was laughing my head off.
So then the movie "Alien Express" started and I thought I was from the description that Beau Bridges was in it... but I was wrong, it was Todd Bridges (strike 2).
Anyways, I was folding laundry and not paying complete attention to the movie, but then I heard a voice from my childhood as Lou was argueing with his police captian... played by Phil Reisen (strike 3), the old News 4 anchor I used to watch on TV when I was growing up in SLC.
Anyways, I digress... the effects for the aliens were bad.
They were nothing more than puppet like dogs with big teeth and instead of running they zoomed (blurred) around the cabins of the train and then when hit with a bullet or zapped with a stun gun or shot with fire they poofed away in a cloud of really bad blue smoke (that I swear I have the same effect with an apha channel on one of my After Effects© CDs).
Then to top things off, they snagged the scream/screech from the Alien movies.
Oh and another thing, as the train continued down the track, it was a model train on a crap landscape like it was in someone's basement and the night shots of the train and its inevitable demise looks like some dropped a Lionel Train set off a balcony infront of a green sheet. And don't get me started on the helicopter.
... anyways, I'll end my rant and vow to never watch another SciFi original alien movie ever again.
... and in another far fetched plot point, they had Miss Utah on the train sitting in the Texas Senator's room in a swimsuit, her sash and sporting a glass of champagne, commenting about how she shouldn't be in the cabin of a married man... luckily, both of them are punished for their sins and eaten by the creatures.
The wife was gone and I was folding laundry and nothing was on so I was watching the last few minutes of something terrible called "Alien Lockdown" and they had an advertisement for "Alien Express" with Lou Diamond Phillips (strike 1).
The effects for the "Alien Lockdown" were horrible... all I saw was this flatly rendered helicopter/plane thingy superimposed over this sad mountainscape, and I was laughing my head off.
So then the movie "Alien Express" started and I thought I was from the description that Beau Bridges was in it... but I was wrong, it was Todd Bridges (strike 2).
Anyways, I was folding laundry and not paying complete attention to the movie, but then I heard a voice from my childhood as Lou was argueing with his police captian... played by Phil Reisen (strike 3), the old News 4 anchor I used to watch on TV when I was growing up in SLC.
Anyways, I digress... the effects for the aliens were bad.
They were nothing more than puppet like dogs with big teeth and instead of running they zoomed (blurred) around the cabins of the train and then when hit with a bullet or zapped with a stun gun or shot with fire they poofed away in a cloud of really bad blue smoke (that I swear I have the same effect with an apha channel on one of my After Effects© CDs).
Then to top things off, they snagged the scream/screech from the Alien movies.
Oh and another thing, as the train continued down the track, it was a model train on a crap landscape like it was in someone's basement and the night shots of the train and its inevitable demise looks like some dropped a Lionel Train set off a balcony infront of a green sheet. And don't get me started on the helicopter.
... anyways, I'll end my rant and vow to never watch another SciFi original alien movie ever again.
... and in another far fetched plot point, they had Miss Utah on the train sitting in the Texas Senator's room in a swimsuit, her sash and sporting a glass of champagne, commenting about how she shouldn't be in the cabin of a married man... luckily, both of them are punished for their sins and eaten by the creatures.
08-18-05, 10:55 PM
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My understanding is that the budgets for these things are in the $500K range. So once you pay for Lou Diamond Phillips and Barry Corbin, there's probably not a whole lot left over for special effects.
Seriously, though, these are movies made on the cheap with as much non-union talent as possible. Sometimes they get a concept that they can make work on the limited budget, sometimes their reach exceeds their grasp.
Seriously, though, these are movies made on the cheap with as much non-union talent as possible. Sometimes they get a concept that they can make work on the limited budget, sometimes their reach exceeds their grasp.
08-19-05, 08:44 AM
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So you are saying they should just put all the budgets for these movies into picking up a Dr. Who or Enterprise then!? 
08-19-05, 02:55 PM
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Yes, all the Scifi TV movies are shitfests. For some reason they have become a saturday night tradition for me. Yes I am aware of how sad that is. The are so terrible but I can't seem to turn them over. Alien Express is right up there was Alien Apocalypse for the worst of the worst though. The only thing going for the later was Bruce Campbell.
08-19-05, 05:55 PM
#7
There was an interesting article written last month in the New York Times by Lewis Beale asking this question: Why are Sci-Fi Channel movies so crappy and why do they keep making them? I can understand making stuff for an audience that likes crappy movies, but I'd like to see some more sci-fi that tries to be good. They've done some series and minis that at least try to be good ("Farscape", "Dune"), and I thought they got decent ratings.
July 10, 2005
B Movies Invade Your TV!
By LEWIS BEALE
"ATTACK OF THE SABRETOOTH." "Bloodsuckers." "The Man With the Screaming
Brain." And, most indelible of all, "Mansquito."
A combination of outrageous genre concepts, low-budget filmmaking and
sensationalized titles like the roll call above are all part of the Sci
Fi Channel's attempt to establish a presence on Saturday nights, when a
good number of potential viewers are out, asleep or watching reruns.
The programming strategy has been a major success, with numbers that
far exceed anyone's expectations.
"Alien Apocalypse," Sci Fi's biggest Saturday hit, attracted 2.7
million viewers in March. That may be a pittance for CBS or NBC, but it
constitutes a major audience for a niche network. And besides, said
Steve Sternberg, a television analyst at MagnaGlobal USA, "Friday and
Saturday have become very weak nights for the broadcast networks,"
which, he explained, "have not been able to draw enough viewers with
original entertainment series. Cable networks can flourish with much
smaller audiences. Original horror and sci-fi movies seem like the
perfect programming for Saturday night."
"They're good at the 'D' word, demographics," said Bruce Campbell, a
star of B movies who also wrote, directed and starred in the "Screaming
Brain" film, to be shown in September. "I think they're
micromarketing," he said, "which in this fragmented world makes sense.
They're saying, 'Who's at home on Saturday night?' "
The answer might be surprising. Nearly half of Sci Fi's audience is
female, and in the highly sought-after 25-to-54-year-old demographic
category, Sci Fi is the No. 4 basic cable network on Saturdays, behind
TNT, USA and TBS.
Sci Fi's foray into Saturday night mayhem began in 2002, when network
executives realized that cheap, independently made genre pictures, an
important element of their programming mix, were hardly being produced
any more. So, said Tom Vitale, the Sci Fi Channel's senior vice
president for original movies "We had a choice of recycling older
movies or going out and trying to create original movies ourselves. We
went back to these producers who made genre movies, and asked them if
they wanted to make them with us."
People like Ken Badish jumped at the chance. Mr. Badish's company,
Active Entertainment, will have produced nine Sci Fi movies by the end
of 2005, high-concept features like "Mansquito" (experiment gone awry
creates man-mosquito hybrid!), and "Alien Lockdown" (government science
produces horrific slime thing!).
The most important element of a Sci Fi film, Mr. Badish said, "is a
topical film that has relevance to our audience."
"In a film coming up," he added, "stem cells are key to the plot; in
another, it's mad cow disease. Secondly, there's a good story. Like
we're shooting a 'Jaws'-kind of movie featuring a giant squid. We make
a reasonable use of C.G.I., because the audience wants that escapist
thing. And we add emotional content, so the audience can feel for the
characters."
Often that amounts to borrowing shamelessly from works like "Alien,"
"The Fly" and "The Thing" and then adding ideas gleaned from Scientific
American or Wired.
Shot on budgets ranging from $1 million to $2 million, Sci Fi's movies
are made in money-saving locales like Bulgaria, Romania and Missouri.
They're cast with B-list celebrities like Luke Perry and Stephen
Baldwin, with the occasional big-picture actors - Sean Astin and John
Rhys-Davies of "Lord of the Rings" - making an appearance. The network
pays $750,000 for domestic TV rights, and the producers make their
money back through international and DVD sales.
But are the films any good? Critics have not found much to praise,
though some seem to have tried pretty hard. Virginia Heffernan of The
New York Times said "Chupacabra: Dark Seas" (monster runs amok on a
cruise liner!) was "founded on broad cliche overacted and clumsily
blocked." But she added that the casting of serious actors like Mr.
Rhys-Davies and Giancarlo Esposito "provides evidence of self-respect,"
that "someone has tried to make a coherent, passionate and traditional
B movie." Entertainment Weekly opened one of its reviews by noting,
"There are better things on tonight, but none are called 'Mansquito.' "
The critics' disfavor doesn't seem to bother the folks behind the
films, who have no pretensions to high art. Bonnie Hammer, the Sci Fi
Channel president, likes to refer to the pictures as "popcorn movies
for those who love the genre," adding, "Viewers come for the ride; it's
a guilty pleasure." Jeff Beach, whose Unified Film Organization has
made 20 films for the network, calls them "high-concept
action-adventure movies with elements that are fun, whether a creature
or a disaster."
"B movies don't mean bad," said Mr. Campbell, who starred in the
classic "Evil Dead" films. "They're just operating on a limited budget
and are trying to be entertaining. You go to the Sci Fi Channel, you
see a high-energy thing."
And viewers are seeing a lot of them. The channel produced one original
movie in 2002. This year there will be 23. Next year, 28. That's more
than some major studios produce, and at a bargain basement price of $21
million - total.
Coming soon: "Heat Stroke" (aliens are producing global warming!),
"Magma" (government project goes awry; Earth's core begins to
overheat!) and "Black Hole Terror" (black hole threatens to swallow the
Midwest!). Sci Fi has also announced "Fire Alien," a fire-breathing
alien feature starring - who else? - William Shatner.
Even Internet hoaxes can lead to Sci Fi movie ideas. Last April, a
bogus report circulated about a strain of malaria that quickly killed
its victims and then restarted their hearts, turning them into violent
zombies for several hours. Now in development at the Sci Fi Channel: a
movie with the possible titles "Zombie Resurrection" or "Revenge of the
Undead."
All this, and the promotional budget is virtually nil. "In traditional
movies of the week you would have to promote it and market it each
week," Ms. Hammer said. "We have a built-in audience. Our fans will
come to us first, so we don't have to market it."
But, Mr. Vitale added, Sci Fi is also "trying to reach a mainstream TV
audience." He added: "Look at CBS: they did 'Spring Break Shark
Attack.' We are sort of zigging where the other networks are zagging.
If you are home on Saturday night, you are looking for that escapist
experience."
B Movies Invade Your TV!
By LEWIS BEALE
"ATTACK OF THE SABRETOOTH." "Bloodsuckers." "The Man With the Screaming
Brain." And, most indelible of all, "Mansquito."
A combination of outrageous genre concepts, low-budget filmmaking and
sensationalized titles like the roll call above are all part of the Sci
Fi Channel's attempt to establish a presence on Saturday nights, when a
good number of potential viewers are out, asleep or watching reruns.
The programming strategy has been a major success, with numbers that
far exceed anyone's expectations.
"Alien Apocalypse," Sci Fi's biggest Saturday hit, attracted 2.7
million viewers in March. That may be a pittance for CBS or NBC, but it
constitutes a major audience for a niche network. And besides, said
Steve Sternberg, a television analyst at MagnaGlobal USA, "Friday and
Saturday have become very weak nights for the broadcast networks,"
which, he explained, "have not been able to draw enough viewers with
original entertainment series. Cable networks can flourish with much
smaller audiences. Original horror and sci-fi movies seem like the
perfect programming for Saturday night."
"They're good at the 'D' word, demographics," said Bruce Campbell, a
star of B movies who also wrote, directed and starred in the "Screaming
Brain" film, to be shown in September. "I think they're
micromarketing," he said, "which in this fragmented world makes sense.
They're saying, 'Who's at home on Saturday night?' "
The answer might be surprising. Nearly half of Sci Fi's audience is
female, and in the highly sought-after 25-to-54-year-old demographic
category, Sci Fi is the No. 4 basic cable network on Saturdays, behind
TNT, USA and TBS.
Sci Fi's foray into Saturday night mayhem began in 2002, when network
executives realized that cheap, independently made genre pictures, an
important element of their programming mix, were hardly being produced
any more. So, said Tom Vitale, the Sci Fi Channel's senior vice
president for original movies "We had a choice of recycling older
movies or going out and trying to create original movies ourselves. We
went back to these producers who made genre movies, and asked them if
they wanted to make them with us."
People like Ken Badish jumped at the chance. Mr. Badish's company,
Active Entertainment, will have produced nine Sci Fi movies by the end
of 2005, high-concept features like "Mansquito" (experiment gone awry
creates man-mosquito hybrid!), and "Alien Lockdown" (government science
produces horrific slime thing!).
The most important element of a Sci Fi film, Mr. Badish said, "is a
topical film that has relevance to our audience."
"In a film coming up," he added, "stem cells are key to the plot; in
another, it's mad cow disease. Secondly, there's a good story. Like
we're shooting a 'Jaws'-kind of movie featuring a giant squid. We make
a reasonable use of C.G.I., because the audience wants that escapist
thing. And we add emotional content, so the audience can feel for the
characters."
Often that amounts to borrowing shamelessly from works like "Alien,"
"The Fly" and "The Thing" and then adding ideas gleaned from Scientific
American or Wired.
Shot on budgets ranging from $1 million to $2 million, Sci Fi's movies
are made in money-saving locales like Bulgaria, Romania and Missouri.
They're cast with B-list celebrities like Luke Perry and Stephen
Baldwin, with the occasional big-picture actors - Sean Astin and John
Rhys-Davies of "Lord of the Rings" - making an appearance. The network
pays $750,000 for domestic TV rights, and the producers make their
money back through international and DVD sales.
But are the films any good? Critics have not found much to praise,
though some seem to have tried pretty hard. Virginia Heffernan of The
New York Times said "Chupacabra: Dark Seas" (monster runs amok on a
cruise liner!) was "founded on broad cliche overacted and clumsily
blocked." But she added that the casting of serious actors like Mr.
Rhys-Davies and Giancarlo Esposito "provides evidence of self-respect,"
that "someone has tried to make a coherent, passionate and traditional
B movie." Entertainment Weekly opened one of its reviews by noting,
"There are better things on tonight, but none are called 'Mansquito.' "
The critics' disfavor doesn't seem to bother the folks behind the
films, who have no pretensions to high art. Bonnie Hammer, the Sci Fi
Channel president, likes to refer to the pictures as "popcorn movies
for those who love the genre," adding, "Viewers come for the ride; it's
a guilty pleasure." Jeff Beach, whose Unified Film Organization has
made 20 films for the network, calls them "high-concept
action-adventure movies with elements that are fun, whether a creature
or a disaster."
"B movies don't mean bad," said Mr. Campbell, who starred in the
classic "Evil Dead" films. "They're just operating on a limited budget
and are trying to be entertaining. You go to the Sci Fi Channel, you
see a high-energy thing."
And viewers are seeing a lot of them. The channel produced one original
movie in 2002. This year there will be 23. Next year, 28. That's more
than some major studios produce, and at a bargain basement price of $21
million - total.
Coming soon: "Heat Stroke" (aliens are producing global warming!),
"Magma" (government project goes awry; Earth's core begins to
overheat!) and "Black Hole Terror" (black hole threatens to swallow the
Midwest!). Sci Fi has also announced "Fire Alien," a fire-breathing
alien feature starring - who else? - William Shatner.
Even Internet hoaxes can lead to Sci Fi movie ideas. Last April, a
bogus report circulated about a strain of malaria that quickly killed
its victims and then restarted their hearts, turning them into violent
zombies for several hours. Now in development at the Sci Fi Channel: a
movie with the possible titles "Zombie Resurrection" or "Revenge of the
Undead."
All this, and the promotional budget is virtually nil. "In traditional
movies of the week you would have to promote it and market it each
week," Ms. Hammer said. "We have a built-in audience. Our fans will
come to us first, so we don't have to market it."
But, Mr. Vitale added, Sci Fi is also "trying to reach a mainstream TV
audience." He added: "Look at CBS: they did 'Spring Break Shark
Attack.' We are sort of zigging where the other networks are zagging.
If you are home on Saturday night, you are looking for that escapist
experience."
08-19-05, 06:04 PM
#8
DVD Talk Limited Edition
Originally Posted by Mopower
Yes, all the Scifi TV movies are shitfests. For some reason they have become a saturday night tradition for me. Yes I am aware of how sad that is. The are so terrible but I can't seem to turn them over. Alien Express is right up there was Alien Apocalypse for the worst of the worst though. The only thing going for the later was Bruce Campbell.
But I don't have Sci-Fi anymore (it moved to digital)
