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View Full Version : Random Facts About Vin Diesel...


Big Dave
06-28-05, 09:10 PM
Saw this on HTF and thought it was pretty damn funny. Sorry if has been posted before.

http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php

Para Para
06-28-05, 09:29 PM
Some of them were pretty funny, these are the ones I laughed at.

A spoonfull of sugar helps the medicine go down. A spoonfull of Vin Diesel will eat through your intestines.

Vin Diesel was actually 'Born with it' and has been quoted as saying, "Fuck Maybelline."

Vin Diesel's ejaculation can kill a man at 100 yards with pinpoint accuracy.

Goldberg74
06-28-05, 09:30 PM
"Vin Diesel is actually only an actor, playing an actor, playing a indie director and action movie star."

rotfl

Joe Molotov
06-28-05, 09:35 PM
" Vin Diesel invented the penis, but merely perfected the breast."

das Monkey
06-28-05, 10:01 PM
"One time I was with Diesel in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Diesel goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Vin Diesel! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Viiindeezel' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

das

Big Dave
06-28-05, 10:14 PM
"One time I was with Diesel in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Diesel goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Vin Diesel! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Viiindeezel' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

das

That is actually a line from one of those Bill Bradsky sketches on SNL.

Squirrel God
06-28-05, 10:42 PM
Vin Diesel taught Pai Mei the five point palm exploding heart technique.

:lol:

Vin Diesel's semen is the source of all life. That is to say, when he ejaculates, he creates a new galaxy. This is how the 'Milky Way' came to be.

:lol:

The limit as n approaches infinity of log(n^(6n)) = Vin Diesel, for all real numbers.

:lol:

Vin Diesel is the ultimate paradox in that he does not think and yet he very much is.

rotfl rotfl

Seantn
06-28-05, 10:56 PM
Am I missing the joke? I don't find any of them to be funny.

DRG
06-28-05, 11:17 PM
"Vin Diesel's childhood adventures were the basis of Ghostbusters 2 and The Warriors."

:lol: And here I thought he was a breakdancer!

ivelostr2
06-29-05, 12:01 AM
Some of them are so reandom that they are funny, I haven't seen any of theo nes you guys posted yrt, how many could there be ?

Vin Diesel knows the last digit of pi. He says it's between 0 and 9.

When dating girls of Chinese origin, he serenades them by parking his 83 Toyota Tracel under their window and turning his tricked out system as loud as it will go to the song "I'm in love wit chu" by Da Brat...ironically all his Chinese girls have had the last name Chu.

Never expose Vin Diesel to sunlight. Never get Vin Diesel wet. And never, ever, feed Vin Diesel after midnight.

Vin Diesel has never said "It takes two to tango", because he can tango all by himself.

Vin Diesel invented Irish dancing during the brief period when it was his fetish to staple women's arms to their torsos during sex.
:hscratch:

Vin Diesel has never been to Disneyland, but he’s banged most of the dwarves.
:hump:

Vin Diesel accidentally inspired Socrates to invent the Socratic method by going "Huh?"
rotfl

Vin Diesel invented N'Sync as punishment for parents who can't discipline their preteen daughters.
:lol:

When Vin Diesel eats a pack of Starbursts, all of them are pink.
:scratch2:

When asked about working with Vin Diesel on Boiler Room, Giovanni Ribisi simply stated, "His breath tasted like duck fart."
:whofart:

Vin Diesel eats gunpowder and shits bullets.

Vin Diesel invented pesticide. Before that, humans had to convince bugs to commit suicide

Kicker_of_Elves
06-29-05, 12:03 AM
"Vin Diesel is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. If any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the fuck out. The last time this cosmic event occurred, Atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. It was worth it."

:lol:

ivelostr2
06-29-05, 12:12 AM
"Vin Diesel is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. If any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the fuck out. The last time this cosmic event occurred, Atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. It was worth it."

:lol:

thats a great one...
I can't stop myself from reading them :helpme:

here's some more...
I once saw Vin Diesel stare at a mailbox and turn it into a small Philipino boy. Needless to say, he swallowed the child.

9 out of 10 scientists agree, the power of Vin Diesel's urine should be harnessed to replace fossil fuels. The tenth scientist was high-fived by Vin Diesel, causing fragments of his arm to accidentally press the "no" button.

Vin Diesel is deathly allergic to peanuts, but he eats them anyway.

Vin Diesel invented fear just so he could scare the shit out of people.

Brent L
06-29-05, 12:57 AM
http://img222.echo.cx/img222/4153/vinbrasky1tc.gif

Jadow
06-29-05, 01:34 AM
Vin Diesel once took a shit, lasting for 40 days and 40 nights. Thus, Gérard Depardieu was born.

mndtrp
06-29-05, 02:49 AM
Vin Diesel is the ultimate paradox in that he does not think and yet he very much is.

rotfl rotfl


That one's great.

zero
06-29-05, 02:58 AM
:lol: Vin Diesel cannot look up.

MuteClown
06-29-05, 03:53 AM
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/vindiesel.html

Squirrel God
06-29-05, 05:47 AM
Vin Diesel was listening to the Shins before Zach Braff ever heard of them.

Vin Diesel single-handedly accounts for over half of all the processing power the SETI@home project accumulates. He does all this without a computer, instead using the Casio VL-Tone keyboard to do all the computations manually.

Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

Vin Diesel's penis has eight different functions, as opposed to a Swiss Army knife, which only has six, AND lacks a mini satellite dish.

Vin has invented a new version of paper, rock, scissors where you can also decide to be Vin himself. He has never taught anyone the hand sign for Vin because so far he has never met anyone worthy enough to use it.

There is an underused feature on the batman utility belt. A button that calls Vin Diesel.

Vin Diesel touches himself at night.

Vin Diesel can whistle through his anus.

rotfl

I must stop! Just how many facts are in this database? :eek: :lol:

jdpatri
06-29-05, 11:14 AM
Much thanks to Big Dave for this link. I was having a bad day until I read this thread, now I can't remember what the hell was bothering me.

:lol:

Much like how the seismograph detects earthquakes, prominent scientists have tried to create a diesemograph to determine how amazing Vin Diesel is. Each one has broken, beause it doesn't go high enough.

Joe Molotov
06-29-05, 11:29 AM
"Vin Diesel can carry back more than 200 pounds of meat after hunting in Oregon Trail."

rotfl

jdpatri
06-29-05, 11:36 AM
Before you obey your thirst, you better obey Vin Diesel.

Vin Diesel writes fanfic Sesame Street episodes in his mother's basement

The limit as x approaches infinity of e^x is Vin Diesel. Ironicially, the limit as x approaches Vin Diesel of e^x is David Hasselhoff.

Vin Diesel does not hear the ocean when he puts a seashell to his ear, he hears "It's Rain Raining Men" by the Weather Girls.

In a recent press conference, Vin Diesel confirmed rumors that he was going to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to enter his urethra so that he could be reborn at a later date and be eligible for the United States presidency.

wmansir
06-29-05, 11:37 AM
Vin Diesel supports stem cell research, but only as a byproduct of his support for killing babies.

Vin Diesel believed himself to be cursed with the same fate as the infamous Oedipus. He then decided to kill his mother and rape his father, just to show fate what's what.

The Shroud of Turin is actually the remains of the arena that Jesus indian-wrestled Vin Diesel in. The imprint is the result of Vin Diesel's 'Flamboyant Piledriver' move.

Vin Diesel has had sex with two of the three Powerpuff Girls.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Every time Vin Diesel kills god, a kitten masturbates.

PixyJunket
06-29-05, 11:58 AM
"Vin Diesel is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. If any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the fuck out. The last time this cosmic event occurred, Atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. It was worth it.":lol: It's so true!

PixyJunket
06-29-05, 12:19 PM
While digging the Grand Canyon, Vin Diesel ran into Godzilla, and beat him up so badly that he's never dared assail the West Coast ever since, and attacks Japan, instead.

jdpatri
06-29-05, 12:49 PM
Vin Diesel had sex with a cardboard box on a bet. The box got pregnant and later had a child. That child was Kevin Eubanks.

I don't know why I think this one is so damn funny. I think I should be ashamed. rotfl

uberjoe
06-29-05, 01:20 PM
"Vin Diesel dissolved the infamous Star Chamber court in 1641 because he disagreed with its use as a political weapon for bringing actions against opponents to the decrees and edicts of Henry VIII."

Squirrel God
06-29-05, 03:01 PM
They have a Donnie Darko one :banana:

A famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Vin Diesel is the most beautiful.

:lol:

mikehunt
06-29-05, 04:38 PM
That is actually a line from one of those Bill Bradsky sketches on SNL.

a lot of the ones posted here sound like they're from the Brasky sketches

Big Dave
06-29-05, 06:19 PM
Ray Charles once looked at Vin Diesel...and never saw another thing again.

Vin Diesel was the first son of God, but rather than die for our sins, he opted to beat the shit out of of the Roman Emperor, reportedly saying "Christ is King, bitch."

Charlie Goose
06-29-05, 07:12 PM
In 1898, Vin Diesel invented "yellow journalism", triggering the Spanish-American War. Vin then single-handedly defeated the Spanish by eating Madrid.

Vin Diesel once raced the Honey Nut Cheerio's bee to the edge of the Earth, where there was a bowl of Cheerios waiting. When they got there, Tony the Tiger was already eating them, so Vin skinned him and now he wears Tony as a fur coat.

The part of Vin Diesel is played by Burt Reynolds.

Aetherus
06-29-05, 07:26 PM
Vin Diesel is the one who let the dogs out.

The idea for the show "MacGuyver" comes from the time Vin Diesel went on a road trip and single-handedly wiped out the entire population of Salt Lake City with his shoe and a paper clip.

Vin Diesel has been known to ridicule Jesus for taking 3 days to rise from the dead.

Vin Diesel wrote How to Cook an Omelet Using only the Power of Your Mind which resulted in the deaths of thirteen people in Plano, Texas.

In 1996 Vin Diesel won a hotdog eating contest in Decatur, Georgia despite actually being on a fishing boat off Nova Scotia.

If you play Contra on NES and put in the infinite lives code, Vin Diesel will jump out of the TV, punch you in the face, call you a ***** for cheating, and steal every bag of potato chips you have.

Vin Diesel discovered Australia on his way to the bathroom.

I.... can't.... stop.....

8^B

amped
06-29-05, 07:33 PM
Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.

Vin Diesel always sleeps with his right eye open in case someone attempts to steal his left eye.

To his chagrin, Vin Diesel has never had sexual relations with a woman; his penis is simply to large for the human vagina to accept. Instead, he must copulate with bears.

Vin Diesel is simultaneously the fifth Beatle, Dimension and Element

Whenever Vin Diesel kicks someone's ass, Microsoft Windows crashes. The year in which Windows ME came out was an especially angry year for Vin.

DGibFen
06-30-05, 05:00 PM
Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping.

Vin Diesel frequently swallows whole cucumbers, but solely for the nutrional value. Woe to he who should so much as snicker at this admittedly ****-erotic spectacle.

The only man to come close to beating Vin Diesel in a fight was Gandhi. "That little bald bastard nearly beat me" was Vin's only response before destroying half of India and then creating Nepal and Pakistan.

Vin Diesel coined the term "horny" when, during a rhino hunt in darkest Africa, he reached total sexual pleasure after being gored by an alpha-male Rhinoceros. He then killed the rhino with his soul.

Merely by flexing his left arm, Vin Diesel once caused an entire busload of nuns to spontaneously combust.