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How often do you tell your folks (or folk), that you Love them? [Archive] - DVD Talk Forum
 
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View Full Version : How often do you tell your folks (or folk), that you Love them?


The Edit King
06-13-05, 02:41 PM
I lost my Mom a few years ago. She was my #1 Best Friend of all time. When my so-called friends left me when I was down & out, all through my life she was mysteriously always right there with a hug & a smile, no matter what, well, until she died that is, and then Treesa over the years, became my Bestest of friends, that is always there when I need a hug & a smile. Now I'm not sayin' she took the place of my Mom, but I believe she fills some of the needs I once found in my Mom. Likewise, Treesa never knew her Dad, so in some ways, I fill some of the needs she might have received from her Father, if she could have known him.

My Dad, on the other hand, well, we haven't spoken in like 25 years. I'm not sure if he's even alive anymore. Even though he taught me some of the most valuable lessons in life: To at all costs, tell the truth, keep your word, respect authority, don't make excuses, & be responsible for my own actions, and knowing full well there are ways of finding out exactly where he is, since he daily did his best to distance himself from me all of my life (even in times when a boy needed his Dad most), I just don't see much point in that. I mean, if someone spends their life pushing you away, you might find you won't want (much less need) any form of relationship with that person, but, since we otters are individuals & come from different backgrounds & belief systems, your own relational mileage may vary.

But, if they were here today, I feel in my heart I'd tell 'em a lot. Maybe even too much. At least once everyday. Like at the end of a phone call. We may have been a little family (Dad, Mom, & myself), but we went through many twists & turns, and held close during the more serious situations I like to call, "Drama of Life".

...oh, I don't know...

http://www.officialforum.com/images/smilies/redface.gif

-Paul

wendersfan
06-13-05, 02:43 PM
My mother, every time I talk to her.

My father died a little more than 10 years ago, and there was no love lost between the two of us. I don't mourn him even a little, and never really did.

Bandoman
06-13-05, 02:48 PM
Sorry to hear that, wendersfan. :(

I'm very close to my parents, and tell them that I love them at least once a week when I talk to them on the phone.

AGuyNamedMike
06-13-05, 02:51 PM
I tell my mother I love her and miss her every time we talk.

B.A.
06-13-05, 02:54 PM
Pretty much every Sunday when my family gets together at the parental home for dinner.

WallyOPD
06-13-05, 02:56 PM
I usually tell my mom that I love her at the end of every phone conversation, and frequently when we're together. My dad passed away last September and I never got to say it to him enough. :(

Trigger
06-13-05, 03:06 PM
never.

Oraphus
06-13-05, 04:46 PM
hmm... i have a pretty good relatioship with my parents now, but don't remember the last time i told them i love them, other then at their b-day on a card. For some reason it just seems foreign to me. They say it to me.. but it's hard for me to say it back. Our relationship was not always that great though.

PrincessT
06-13-05, 04:50 PM
I tell my mom like maybe once a year or something. Not enough. We just don't do that mushy thing. I don't feel guilty about it. I know she loves me and she knows I love her. We do sign our emails with love and our greeting cards. Granted, when I saw her for the first time in nearly 2 years, we did indulge ourselves in a hug.

The father thing--never. Don't know him. I have a full life right now--he hasn't been there for 30 years, I do not seek him out and would very likely turn him away if he sought me out.

Pressplay
06-13-05, 05:20 PM
Every chance I get. I love them both dearly.

adamblast
06-13-05, 05:33 PM
Every time we talk. It's more or less the required closer in any phone conversation...

gilbertr76
06-13-05, 06:00 PM
It happens at the end of every phone conversation or face-to-face exchange with my mom.

I say it to my step-dad when I call him each year on Father's Day.

I haven't said it to my dad since I was a kid. It's not that I do not have love for the guy, but he has never come close to being the father to me that my step-dad has been.

shizawn
06-13-05, 06:07 PM
Everytime I talk to my mom I tell her, which, admittedly, isn't very often. I'm a terrible son. :(

mrpayroll
06-13-05, 06:08 PM
I would say that my mom is my closest 'friend'. When I talk with her every week, we talk about things going on in our lives, and she has been a big supporter for me, not just with money, but more importantly encourages me in everything that I do.

My dad on the other hand, I lived with him my whole life, until this last February when I finally moved out on my own, and we have never really been that close. When I was growing up, he was not really a good father to me. We never did anything fun or father or son things together, except for yard work, which he would reward me with a chocolate malt from Fosters Freeze :drool:

The few times I have said that I love him is usually when I have had a couple of drinks. It lowers the wall that I've built between us.

Moving out was the best thing I could have done. I have been 'emotionally traumitized' living all of those years with him, because of his verbally abuse behavior towards me and his 100% total negativism towards life.

Though he is the reason why I try to have a positive outlook towards life and when it comes to young people, I always treat them like people and always encourage them in whatever they are doing. Because I know what it's like to have someone that you look up to (my dad when I was a young kid), not support you in anything and be verbally and physically abusive (when I was a teen).

Thank God I grew up to be a lot taller than him, 5' 6" vs 6' 2", or I could have still been going thru the physical abuse. Let me say though the physical abuse was never on the illegal side, just a lot of whippings from a belt, which when I got older, just started laughing at him when he whupped me. ;)

But let me say this, when both of them pass away, surprisingly it will probably hurt more when my dad dies, because we could never have the proper father and son relationship that we should have had. And no, I cannot forget the way he has treated me over the years, I can forgive him, but I will not forget. Therefore our relationship will always be as strained as it always has. Though, I am always there for him when he needs my help.

Chris

Giantrobo
06-13-05, 06:10 PM
never. They're both dead.

Oraphus
06-13-05, 06:11 PM
Honestly, i don’t understand the fascination with this phrase.. it seems like such a movie cliché.
If you love someone (family member)you show it by your actions and people can see this. Why the need to word this? In the end it's just a phrase.. we use it in our every day life so much that it renders these words meaningless. Like every card you sign, every time you say "i love this movie/ food/ dress/ car, etc.

I never understood the whole "i never told him/her i loved them and now they're gone and i can never get that chance back" now if you never showed them that you loved them, that's one thing.. but if you just never uttered the words.. oh well, i am sure that person knew you loved them.. the words themselves are not going to change anything.

Nesbit
06-13-05, 06:12 PM
I tell my mom on the phone once or twice a week. I talk to my dad twice a month but hardly ever tell him and feel kind of akward when I do. It's not that he's a man. I tell my best friend I love him almost every time we talk on the phone (once a month or so). It's more that he wasn't around much as a kid. Ahh well I have a son now and I would understand it if he didn't tell me he loves me often when he grows up though I plan to be there with him.

mrpayroll
06-13-05, 06:12 PM
It is interesting reading all of your responses in this thread. A lot of us seem to have strained relationships with our fathers. I think that is one of the biggest failures of men these days, not being a committed husband and father.

I don't plan on making that mistake when I finally get married. I will be involved in everything my kids do and be there to encourage them, whether they succeed or fail. I have always wanted my whole life to center around my family and that is why my life so far (44 years) has been a bitter disappointment to me.

Chris

Giantrobo
06-13-05, 06:16 PM
It is interesting reading all of your responses in this thread. A lot of us seem to have strained relationships with our fathers. I think that is one of the biggest failures of men these days, not being a committed husband and father.



Chris


Screwed up Father cause more long term damage than people realize.


I don't plan on making that mistake when I finally get married. I will be involved in everything my kids do and be there to encourage them, whether they succeed or fail. I have always wanted my whole life to center around my family and that is why my life so far (44 years) has been a bitter disappointment to me.


Well, I don't think anyone plans of being a crap dad it often just happens. Mostly when the Male puts little effort into the parent/child relationship. But I do think the signs are often there for the mom to see ahead of time. But most likely "love" turns the "red flags" green.

The Edit King
06-13-05, 06:20 PM
never. They're both dead.Gosh, robo...

I guess you could say we've got a few things in common.

Any Brothers or Sisters?

I didn't have any, but I've sorta adopted a bunch of Brothers & Sisters here at DVD Talk!

It's hard to find better people anywhere on earth!

DVD Talk ROCKS AND OR ROLLS!!! :rock2:

:lol: & rotfl

-Paul

chente
06-13-05, 07:22 PM
Never. Although we do hug and kiss on the cheek everytime we see each other.

Cool Kitten
06-13-05, 07:45 PM
we never really say it because it really doesn't sound right in Russian for some reason.
I always end a conversation with "kiss you" which i suppose is an equivalent.
I talk to my Mom daily, my Grandma two to three times a day and my Dad and step-Mom couple of times a week.

goLUCKY
06-13-05, 08:03 PM
I tell my parents/wife/kids that I love them almost every time that I leave the house/end a phone call. It a thing that I started doing after my younger brother was killed by a drunk driver. Now it's just second nature to say it, I've even said it to strangers at the end of long phone calls. ;)

mrpayroll
06-13-05, 11:45 PM
I tell my parents/wife/kids that I love them almost every time that I leave the house/end a phone call. It a thing that I started doing after my younger brother was killed by a drunk driver. Now it's just second nature to say it, I've even said it to strangers at the end of long phone calls. ;)

Here's my # 818-867-5309, please call me sometime :(

Chris

Buford T Pusser
06-14-05, 12:02 AM
Whenever I talk with them I let them know.


:buford:

mndtrp
06-14-05, 01:40 AM
Whenever I see them or talk to them on the phone. Even if they didn't tell me happy birthday last week. :(

Mrs. Danger
06-14-05, 08:33 PM
I tell the people I love that I love them as often as I can. I never lie about that, either.

NotThatGuy
06-14-05, 08:59 PM
Everytime I talk with them. I know too many people who lost their loved ones unexpectedly. I want to make sure I tell them every opportunity, both for selfish reasons, and because I want them to know.

melbatoast
06-15-05, 12:27 AM
I tell my mom almost everytime I talk to her... but she lives close to us. My step-father raised me and I told him every time I talked to him that I loved him. Right up until he passed away 5 years ago.

Now that my real father and I have a relationship i tell him whenever I talk to him.

I don't ever waste an opportunity to tell my family that I love them. I'm glad that I had the relationshipt that I did with my dad... my brother wasn't so lucky. He and my dad had a bad relationship, and my brother never got the chance to mend that before he passed. Now he's paying for it.

jaelliot
06-15-05, 02:13 AM
Damn, I have been thinking alot today about the daughter I have that I have not seen since she was 2 years old. She will be 17 this year and I am 34. I signed custody over to her mother's parents with the understanding that I would still get to have contact with her. That understanding was between us and not in the papers I signed and they never lived up to that promise. I was too immature to take care of her and I thought I was doing what was best. Anyway, I have always thought about her and in the last 4 or 5 years it has become more and more frequent as she gets to be older and more mature. She has to wonder about me from time to time, I think I would in her shoes but I am not sure how she would feel if I contacted her... and honestly I am a little afraid to find out. I would fully understand if she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me... I would just want her to know that I am so sorry I gave up my rights to her and I regret it and it was never a case of I didn't want her, I was not allowed to see her. Basically, I don't want her to feel like she was not wanted or loved by me just that I was very, very stupid and selfish, but I have missed her all of these years....

Anyway, I this has been on my mind all night tonight for some reason and I clicked on this thread and a few of the replies make me think I should just not bother her and let her make the attempt if she wants contact with me.

Superboy
06-15-05, 06:12 AM
I don't really have much of a relationship with my parents...really it's almost all my doing. Asian families are known for their stoicism and emotional repression, but I think my family isn't as bad as others. Still, for almost all of my childhood through adolescent years, my parents ignored me. It wasn't as if they put me down or acted like everything I did was futile, but they acted indifferent, and in a lot of ways, that was worse. In recent years however I feel like they really feel regret at missing the opportunity to have a relationship with me and want to get closer, but I came to a point where I didn't want to have a close relationship wth them, and now that i'm getting older I feel as if it's inappropriate. It's really sad too because I try to find "family" outside my own family and the family I do have i'm only attached to through legal status at best. We still live together but it always feels like we're miles apart.

Wooderson
06-15-05, 08:46 AM
Once a day or so they say

SoSpacey
06-15-05, 08:52 AM
my parents were never the "i love you type". i think the first time i ever heard my dad say it was at my high school graduation party. that was 14 years ago. i dont know if i have heard it since.

mrpayroll
06-15-05, 10:05 AM
Damn, I have been thinking alot today about the daughter I have that I have not seen since she was 2 years old. She will be 17 this year and I am 34. I signed custody over to her mother's parents with the understanding that I would still get to have contact with her. That understanding was between us and not in the papers I signed and they never lived up to that promise. I was too immature to take care of her and I thought I was doing what was best. Anyway, I have always thought about her and in the last 4 or 5 years it has become more and more frequent as she gets to be older and more mature. She has to wonder about me from time to time, I think I would in her shoes but I am not sure how she would feel if I contacted her... and honestly I am a little afraid to find out. I would fully understand if she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me... I would just want her to know that I am so sorry I gave up my rights to her and I regret it and it was never a case of I didn't want her, I was not allowed to see her. Basically, I don't want her to feel like she was not wanted or loved by me just that I was very, very stupid and selfish, but I have missed her all of these years....

Anyway, I this has been on my mind all night tonight for some reason and I clicked on this thread and a few of the replies make me think I should just not bother her and let her make the attempt if she wants contact with me.


Wow, that sure is a touching story. I have no experience being a parent, but I've been close to my friends kids, so I have some idea of how they work! ;) I don't know if you want any advice, but here it is.

I would suggest that you try to make contact with her. But the question is, will her grandparents physically or legally try to keep you away from her? If so, you would have to wait until she is 18. But if this is not a concern, I say go for it.

Though the outcome may not be the one you want. She might be indifferent to you or may not even want to see you, but on that small chance that she has really wanted to know her dad all these years, I say it's worth that chance of rejection.

I would first write her a letter and try to explain what happened all of those years ago and that you have wanted to be a part of her life all of these years, but that her grandparents thought that it was not a good idea. Don't rag on the grandparents, because you could alienate her this way. I would also enclose a picture of yourself and ask that she does the same. This way she will have a face behind her image of her father.

Also include your e-mail address, because you know kids these days, they love the e-mail.

Good luck in your decision and it may take months or years before the two of you have a good father / daughter relationship, but if it works out, then it will all be worth it.

Keep us up to date with how it goes, Chris

Buford T Pusser
06-15-05, 10:28 AM
my parents were never the "i love you type". i think the first time i ever heard my dad say it was at my high school graduation party. that was 14 years ago. i dont know if i have heard it since.

Mine rarely said it either. Then I started saying it after college and I could tell they really liked it and it made them feel good to be a bit more open.

Jon22B
06-16-05, 08:15 AM
I don't really have much of a relationship with my parents...really it's almost all my doing. Asian families are known for their stoicism and emotional repression, but I think my family isn't as bad as others. Still, for almost all of my childhood through adolescent years, my parents ignored me. It wasn't as if they put me down or acted like everything I did was futile, but they acted indifferent, and in a lot of ways, that was worse. In recent years however I feel like they really feel regret at missing the opportunity to have a relationship with me and want to get closer, but I came to a point where I didn't want to have a close relationship wth them, and now that i'm getting older I feel as if it's inappropriate. It's really sad too because I try to find "family" outside my own family and the family I do have i'm only attached to through legal status at best. We still live together but it always feels like we're miles apart.

Very true for me as well, cept because of a falling out I don't talk to my parents. They've never said they loved me, I've never said it to them and it won't ever change.
Funny thing is when I went back to korea to visit and I stayed with my aunt's family I saw how different they were, and it was one of the first time I actually felt like I belonged in a family.

LiquidSky
06-16-05, 08:28 AM
I call my folks a couple times each week and tell 'em every time.

Nick Danger
06-16-05, 08:34 AM
Every few months. I've made an effort to rebuild bridges with my parents.

As I was growing up, my Dad regularly told us that he loved us. But he undermined that with an incessant drip of sarcasm, negative comments, and sly digs. It wasn't until a decade after I'd moved out that I realized that most families didn't live in a corrosive atmosphere.

The Edit King
06-16-05, 04:34 PM
jaelliot: What a great post! :up:

Treesa said pretty much what Christopher (aka: mrpayroll) said.

Hey! Nothing lost/Nothing gained, or a lifetime of regret.

I'm like the "King" of regret around here, so I really know about this sorta stuff.

What's worse? Knowing, or never knowing FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE???

Come On!...You've suffered enough!

Besides, you'll never know if you don't try.

With Love,

Paul & Treesa

GreenMonkey
06-16-05, 04:43 PM
I've been trying to do a LOT better with this since my Grandpa died. It helps, I think, seeing my wife's crazy ass parents, how good my Dad/Grandma is. I think it also helps that I have been changed a bit by some quality films/TV to think about it more. My Dad/Grandpa always had that gruff dwarf-like[the fantasy kind, not the short kind] thing going on, I've been trying to break out of it. I try extra hard especially cause my Dad has some funky disease or something they've been trying to figure out for 2+ years (he has occasional spasms and his blood is always running out of potassium) along with a leaky heart valve....and my grandma is now in her 80s -eek-

Except for my Mother. I've talked to her less than 4 times since 1997 when I moved out and went to college. But she wasn't exactly a good parent, neither was my stepdad. I could tell lots of stories about her. Normally I just cite how she and my stepdad would label the milk/juice for our little half-sister/half-brother "Laura and David do not drink" when we were teenagers. She said we should just drink Kool-aid, we didn't need any milk/juice. Nah, teenagers don't need calcium or nutrients. :rolleyes: Or how my stepdad tossed me into the back of his truck and slammed the topper down, shattering the window all over the back of the truck...because we didn't want to go to a church picnic :wtf:

In my mind, a parent that doesn't act as a parent, isn't, regardless of blood ties. My wife and I get in interesting discussions about this all the time..but her Dad used to hit her, including such things as breaking her glasses by hitting her in the face...and crazy things like walking around the house to peek in the window at her while she was sleeping/partially clothed (pervert). I swear in one of our wedding photos from the wedding in Vegas we have a photo of him looking down the front of her dress. (She says she's traumatized from the photo). The idea of not talking to any of her family members was burned into her somehow as a kid though...the old "no matter what they do they are still family" thing tends to be fairly well ingrained. Through a bit of counseling she now does better about setting boundries with them.

Still. I always call that B.S. myself. If you don't act like a parent then you shouldn't be respected like one IMO.


Final thought: My mom will say she loves me (the few times she sees me, she doesn't even know where I live right now), but she doesn't really understand what that means, IMO.

The Edit King
06-16-05, 05:03 PM
Right On! G-Monkey! :up:

I've heard it said, "Honor those who deserve Honor."

...and even the Bible when it mentions something about, "Honor your Mom & Dad", to me that in NO WAY means to honor a jackass or a pervert! :lol:

Wow!

I can't believe all the great responses!

Thanks for taking time-out of your day to write all that, GM! That's some really great stuff!

-Paul

D.Pham4GLTE (>60GB)
06-16-05, 11:57 PM
Whenever I talk with them I let them know.


:buford:

with your stick?

Fok
06-17-05, 12:42 AM
I'm close with my parents, but we don't really say these things to each other, I'd like to think it's just known.

Buford T Pusser
06-17-05, 08:44 AM
with your stick?



:lol:





No, I use my words (as they say in nursery school).

GreenMonkey
06-17-05, 05:07 PM
...and even the Bible when it mentions something about, "Honor your Mom & Dad", to me that in NO WAY means to honor a jackass or a pervert



:lol: