Bad book adaptation smackdown
11-16-04, 04:35 PM
#1
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Bad book adaptation smackdown
In Paramount's Exciting New "Macbeth," the Title Character Is a Teenager Dealing With Coming-of-Age Issues in Orange County
If reviewers are right, the wonderful, enchanting book Polar Express has been made into a lifeless, mindless big-budget movie that turns a story about doubt and imagination into a Christmas Eve car chase, only with trains instead of cars. The quality of the movie aside, what's striking is that the studio bought the title and the look of Chris van Allsburg's haunting illustrations, then changed everything -- most of what happens in the movie has nothing to do with the book. Since the book was very good, in order to make it into a movie, that aspect had to be eliminated!
Film studio Twentieth Century Fox bought the rights to Isaac Asimov's I, Robot tales, then produced a movie that bears no resemblance to those stories. So rest assured if you haven't read Asimov: There's no way he, or anyone with an IQ higher than a Chilean striped bass, could have produced anything as stupid as this summer's movie starring Will Smith. Nor did the recent big-budget movie The Cat in the Hat bear any resemblance to the book, though the protagonist was, in both cases, a cat. The Cat in the Hat movie was especially distasteful because it was full of crude jokes and bathroom humor -- crude jokes and bathroom humor constituting about the only things, besides cleavage and explosions, Hollywood produces these days. Theodore Geisel despised coarseness and prided himself on amusing children without rude references.
At any rate, this buying up of rights to good books, then changing everything in order to make bad movies, made TMQ wonder about other similar possibilities for big-budget productions:
For Whom the Bell Tolls. Ben Affleck stars as an operative of An Agency Far, Far More Secret Than the CIA who is sent behind the lines of the Spanish Civil War in order to prevent Nazi agents from using a beautiful scientist's invention to open a doorway into a parallel universe. Gorgeous shots of the Catalonia countryside, plus numerous car chases. Angelina Jolie costars as the scientist, who can only think when her shirt is off.
Hedda Gabler. Nicole Kidman produces and stars in this all-singing musical-comedy adaptation of the Ibsen play. Story line is slightly altered to have Hedda be a beautiful Norwegian housewife who teaches kickboxing and operates an organic online catering firm. She falls in love with a dark, handsome stranger (Ben Stiller) and must reconcile her passion for him with her duty to her introverted husband Tesman (Andre3000), a scientist who has invented a doorway into a parallel universe.
Goodnight Moon. Big-budget adaptation of the children's classic uses incredible digital technology to make you believe that Cameron Diaz has turned into an old lady whispering "hush." The baby bunny in the bedroom falls through a doorway into a parallel universe and must stop a ring of ruthless spies bent on world domination -- all before lights-out! Eddie Murphy voices the mouse.
http://nfl.com/news/story/7893888
If reviewers are right, the wonderful, enchanting book Polar Express has been made into a lifeless, mindless big-budget movie that turns a story about doubt and imagination into a Christmas Eve car chase, only with trains instead of cars. The quality of the movie aside, what's striking is that the studio bought the title and the look of Chris van Allsburg's haunting illustrations, then changed everything -- most of what happens in the movie has nothing to do with the book. Since the book was very good, in order to make it into a movie, that aspect had to be eliminated!
Film studio Twentieth Century Fox bought the rights to Isaac Asimov's I, Robot tales, then produced a movie that bears no resemblance to those stories. So rest assured if you haven't read Asimov: There's no way he, or anyone with an IQ higher than a Chilean striped bass, could have produced anything as stupid as this summer's movie starring Will Smith. Nor did the recent big-budget movie The Cat in the Hat bear any resemblance to the book, though the protagonist was, in both cases, a cat. The Cat in the Hat movie was especially distasteful because it was full of crude jokes and bathroom humor -- crude jokes and bathroom humor constituting about the only things, besides cleavage and explosions, Hollywood produces these days. Theodore Geisel despised coarseness and prided himself on amusing children without rude references.
At any rate, this buying up of rights to good books, then changing everything in order to make bad movies, made TMQ wonder about other similar possibilities for big-budget productions:
For Whom the Bell Tolls. Ben Affleck stars as an operative of An Agency Far, Far More Secret Than the CIA who is sent behind the lines of the Spanish Civil War in order to prevent Nazi agents from using a beautiful scientist's invention to open a doorway into a parallel universe. Gorgeous shots of the Catalonia countryside, plus numerous car chases. Angelina Jolie costars as the scientist, who can only think when her shirt is off.
Hedda Gabler. Nicole Kidman produces and stars in this all-singing musical-comedy adaptation of the Ibsen play. Story line is slightly altered to have Hedda be a beautiful Norwegian housewife who teaches kickboxing and operates an organic online catering firm. She falls in love with a dark, handsome stranger (Ben Stiller) and must reconcile her passion for him with her duty to her introverted husband Tesman (Andre3000), a scientist who has invented a doorway into a parallel universe.
Goodnight Moon. Big-budget adaptation of the children's classic uses incredible digital technology to make you believe that Cameron Diaz has turned into an old lady whispering "hush." The baby bunny in the bedroom falls through a doorway into a parallel universe and must stop a ring of ruthless spies bent on world domination -- all before lights-out! Eddie Murphy voices the mouse.
http://nfl.com/news/story/7893888
11-18-04, 08:43 AM
#4
DVD Talk Legend
How about a new adaptation of Lord of the Rings in which we have it be an all woman cast and instead of the Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin protecting the Shire, we get the Desperate Housewives defending Wisteria Lane from outside forces?
Better yet, do The Scarlet Pimpernel, except instead of cunning and stealth, he uses lots of gadgets and fights with two old fashioned flint guns double fisted! Don't forget a cool bullet time horse drawn coach wreck as well.
Better yet, do The Scarlet Pimpernel, except instead of cunning and stealth, he uses lots of gadgets and fights with two old fashioned flint guns double fisted! Don't forget a cool bullet time horse drawn coach wreck as well.
