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I might have to start peeing sitting down AAAargh! [Archive] - DVD Talk Forum
 
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View Full Version : I might have to start peeing sitting down AAAargh!


Darkfriend
10-25-04, 08:45 PM
This is a funny subject but a serious matter -smile-

Over the last year I noticed that everytime I take a leak I have a stupid second stream that comes out of nowhere and starts to shoot pee everywhere on the left or right... A public urinal takes care of that but when I'm at home or at someone else's place I always brace myself for the disaster and then I have to clean the floor with toilet paper :mad:

What the hell is wrong with me?? One of the distinctive advantages we men have over women (besides menstrual cramps, having kids and shaving our legs) is peeing standing UP! And I'm failing!

I have nightmares about this girl I used to work with who told me she trained her boyfriend to pee sitting down...

Help!!

X
10-25-04, 08:46 PM
Uhh...

No thanks for sharing!

Roto
10-25-04, 08:53 PM
Go see WhoGirl's gynecologist. He'll shove a metal hoopajoop into your who-ha and clear the blockage.

Shimmer35
10-25-04, 08:53 PM
Originally posted by Darkfriend

I have nightmares about this girl I used to work with who told me she trained her boyfriend to pee sitting down...

Help!!

:lol:

nevermind
10-25-04, 08:57 PM
This ought to take care of your... umm.. problem:

http://freespace.virgin.net/roy.broadley/corkscrew.jpg

cultshock
10-25-04, 08:58 PM
Originally posted by Roto
Go see WhoGirl's gynecologist. He'll shove a metal hoopajoop into your who-ha and clear the blockage.

That makes me laugh and wince at the same time. :lol:

Darkfriend
10-25-04, 09:04 PM
Ugh I want nothing shoved in my penis hole (or is it urethra or something? :lol: )

I just pee everywhere when standing up and I'm not gonna take it anymore!!

Ranger
10-25-04, 09:04 PM
Professional pissers from Bourbon Street will tell you that to maintain a strong, continuous flow of piss, you need to drink as much as you can and hold it long as physically possible then let it all out, man, anywhere you want.

Tracer Bullet
10-25-04, 09:09 PM
Sounds like you have a case of uromysitisis poisoning. You should only urinate in mall parking garages.

RicP
10-25-04, 09:15 PM
If you stop jerkin the gherkin so much that won't happen anymore ;)

Phuzbox
10-25-04, 09:19 PM
http://www.bmuschool.org/student_pages/ToddP/Photography/Images/funnel.jpg

Darkfriend
10-25-04, 09:21 PM
Originally posted by RicP
If you stop jerkin the gherkin so much that won't happen anymore ;)

True it does act like "after sex pee" but it does that anytime!

Abelkems
10-25-04, 09:25 PM
Just pee in the sink.

Numanoid
10-25-04, 09:31 PM
Umm. dude, that's completely normal. I did the same thing for years, before I finally figured out what was happening. What happens is, a little dribble from last time dries at the end of your urethra, and acts like glue and forms a little blockade by sticking a little part of the opening together (hence the two streams). Just take your finger and quickly pull the opening apart before you go and you'll never have that probelm again.

Either that, or you're deformed.

Jackskeleton
10-25-04, 09:38 PM
I weap for the forum.

Birrman54
10-25-04, 09:45 PM
http://jamie.typepad.com/ontheverge/larry.jpg

dork
10-25-04, 09:59 PM
Maybe you'll have to pee in a bag (http://www.dvdtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=5328211#post5328211) from now on?

BizRodian
10-25-04, 10:18 PM
Haha, man, this place is crazy. I can't believe Darkfriend posted this, and then Numanoid responded seriously.

MJKTool
10-25-04, 10:19 PM
This is one weird fucking thread.

dork
10-25-04, 10:23 PM
And here I thought I could finally go one day without thinking about Numanoid's urethra. :(

TomOpus
10-25-04, 10:31 PM
Maybe this might help...

http://homeharvest.com/homeharvest2000pics/gilmourcomfortgripnozzle.jpg

kvrdave
10-25-04, 10:34 PM
If I pee in the middle of the night, I sit down.

Roto
10-25-04, 10:52 PM
Originally posted by TracerBullet
Sounds like you have a case of uromysitisis poisoning. You should only urinate in mall parking garages.
and
Originally posted by TomOpus
Maybe this might help...

http://homeharvest.com/homeharvest2000pics/gilmourcomfortgripnozzle.jpg
rotfl

Numanoid
10-25-04, 11:12 PM
Originally posted by dork
And here I thought I could finally go one day without thinking about Numanoid's urethra. :( You wish. http://img100.exs.cx/img100/4105/kiss4.jpg

Kittydreamer
10-25-04, 11:18 PM
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000532I5.01.MZZZZZZZ.jpg

Supermallet
10-25-04, 11:22 PM
Originally posted by Birrman54
http://jamie.typepad.com/ontheverge/larry.jpg

rotfl


Originally posted by Roto
Go see WhoGirl's gynecologist. He'll shove a metal hoopajoop into your who-ha and clear the blockage.

How would you even think of something like that? ;)

Roto
10-26-04, 06:42 AM
You should feel honored. I had to go do a search so I could get the quote right.

woofman
10-26-04, 08:02 AM
Jaws of life?

ScottyWH
10-26-04, 09:10 AM
don't come over to my house and ask to use the restroom... it's carpeted... that ain't cleaning up with just toilet paper...

Darkfriend
10-26-04, 09:12 AM
Originally posted by Numanoid
Umm. dude, that's completely normal. Just take your finger and quickly pull the opening apart before you go and you'll never have that probelm again.



Numanoid thank you it works! Screw Ann Landers (she's dead isn't she?) and all those "self-help" gurus, you're the BEST! :lol:

Groucho
10-26-04, 09:14 AM
Carpeted restroom? That's even more fucked up than mister "two stream" at the top of the thread.

VinVega
10-26-04, 09:20 AM
Dude, don't EVER pee sitting down. Be a man! :lol:

debbert
10-26-04, 09:37 AM
Pee in the shower! Problem solved.

JEStinson3
10-26-04, 09:49 AM
Gr8est.Thread.EVAR

Minor Threat
10-26-04, 10:28 AM
"I can help here......"

http://www.mecha.com/~conkle/mm/images/power-drill-1.jpg

DRG
10-26-04, 10:32 AM
Originally posted by Darkfriend
I have nightmares about this girl I used to work with who told me she trained her boyfriend to pee sitting down...

No offense to the split pissing thing, but I'd like to hear the rest of THIS story.

VinVega
10-26-04, 10:44 AM
Originally posted by DRG
No offense to the split pissing thing, but I'd like to hear the rest of THIS story.
Well, I don't know about his story, but a couple of jobs back I worked with a guy who was strange to say the least. He was very effeminate, but he really had the hots for model type women. I think he was more than just a simple metrosexual, I personally believe he had more gay than straight in him and he was just kidding himself, but anyway, he lived with his sister in a 1.5 bed apt in NYC (they had seperate rooms - not going to get THAT perverted here people) and for some ungodly reason, she made him pee sitting down and he just did it. So from then on and everywhere, he would pee sitting down. The kid had problems.

Mole177
10-26-04, 10:45 AM
try going in here

http://www.lofnz.com/clawfoot/images/clawfoot-bathtub.jpeg

DonnachaOne
10-26-04, 10:55 AM
http://img74.exs.cx/img74/6559/Carson.jpg

Darkfriend
10-26-04, 11:53 AM
Originally posted by DRG
No offense to the split pissing thing, but I'd like to hear the rest of THIS story.

This girl at work was real proud that her boyfriend always peed sitting down (at her request) and always did the house chores (dusting, vaccuming etc...) each sunday, as ordered heh.

I'm all for task sharing, but this guy sounded submissive...

Maxwell Smart
10-26-04, 11:57 AM
Your penis sucks.

DRG
10-26-04, 12:44 PM
Originally posted by Darkfriend
This girl at work was real proud that her boyfriend always peed sitting down (at her request) and always did the house chores (dusting, vaccuming etc...) each sunday, as ordered heh.

I'm all for task sharing, but this guy sounded submissive...

She should just become a lesbian if she's so into p-ssy. ;)

iggystar
10-26-04, 01:11 PM
My husband pees sitting. Not at my request. He say he hates to have pee splash while standing. I mean, girls sit when they take a leak, boys stand - that's the way it goes in my opinion.

One day I was walking past the bathroom and he was standing and I had to watch, it was like an event for me.

But, you can't go by my husband he's weird on many levels (I won't even go into the hairy leg thing).

DaveNinja
10-26-04, 01:13 PM
pics?

Also i heard you shouldnt let you pee-hole touch the toilet seat or you'll catch teh ghey.

mllefoo
10-26-04, 01:43 PM
My hub will pee sitting down if he doesn't want to wake me in hte middle of the night. After several years of marriage he still hasn't figured out that he doesn't pee loud enough to wake me, but it's the thought that counts.

Groucho
10-26-04, 01:44 PM
Hmm...I always wake my wife when I pee at night, whether standing up or sitting down.

Maybe I should try getting out of the bed and going into the bathroom next time?

Groucho
10-26-04, 01:45 PM
Originally posted by Maxwell Smart
Your penis sucks. In Russia, penis sucks YOU!

mllefoo
10-26-04, 01:46 PM
Nah. I bet she enjoys the initial warmth.

MJKTool
10-26-04, 01:49 PM
Why not just aim at the bowl surrounding the water if you don't want to make noise late at night? Is there a law that states you must piss directly into the water?

JEStinson3
10-26-04, 01:58 PM
Originally posted by MJKTool
Why not just aim at the bowl surrounding the water if you don't want to make noise late at night? Is there a law that states you must piss directly into the water?

Isn't it more sanitary to not aim at the water? I've always aimed for the bowl.

I think that some guys just like the sound of piss hitting water.

MJKTool
10-26-04, 02:03 PM
Originally posted by JEStinson3
Isn't it more sanitary to not aim at the water?

Damned if I know.

DonnachaOne
10-26-04, 02:41 PM
Originally posted by Groucho
In Russia, penis sucks YOU! Then conversely, in America, would you suck PENIS?

DonnachaOne
10-26-04, 02:43 PM
Originally posted by JEStinson3
Isn't it more sanitary to not aim at the water? I've always aimed for the bowl.

I think that some guys just like the sound of piss hitting water. It IS a fun sound.

I find that if I aim at the bowl, it can splash. Here's an experiment: Piss at the bowl while your legs are bare. If you're too close, you'll feel a fine, wet mist against your legs as the pee sprinkles back at you.

Preacher
10-26-04, 02:45 PM
Originally posted by iggystar
... One day I was walking past the bathroom and he was standing and I had to watch, it was like an event for me.
Originally posted by mllefoo
My hub will pee sitting down if he doesn't want to wake me in hte middle of the night. After several years of marriage he still hasn't figured out that he doesn't pee loud enough to wake me, but it's the thought that counts.

:lol:

Bacon
10-26-04, 02:45 PM
-screwy-

don't pee sitting down, that causes you to pee in your butt :eek:

DaveNinja
10-26-04, 02:55 PM
I'm so macho i never sit on the seat, even when pooping!

Darkfriend
10-26-04, 03:03 PM
Originally posted by DaveNinja
I'm so macho i never sit on the seat, even when pooping!

Now I got a visual in my head of DaveNinja taking a dump standing up :eek:

You guys crack me up with your pissing techniques also! :lol:

DaveNinja
10-26-04, 04:54 PM
Why visualize when you can see a picutre? here http://www.thefoureyes.com/arcade/poo_pic1.jpg

Numanoid
10-26-04, 05:00 PM
Originally posted by Darkfriend
Numanoid thank you it works! Screw Ann Landers (she's dead isn't she?) and all those "self-help" gurus, you're the BEST! :lol: Glad to be of service. Nice to know someone else out there will be employing The Numanoid Maneuverô before letting it flow. :D

DonnachaOne
10-26-04, 05:05 PM
Originally posted by DaveNinja
Why visualize when you can see a picutre? here http://www.thefoureyes.com/arcade/poo_pic1.jpg rotfl

Fok
10-26-04, 05:37 PM
rotfl

Man this cracks me up.

DaveNinja
10-26-04, 05:52 PM
I cant believe you look!

Darkfriend
10-26-04, 06:44 PM
My cousin went to France and he told me about this shack where he had to take a dump standing up and aim for the hole... I told him he wasn't at the Hilton and he just looked back at me pissed off...

Oraphus
10-26-04, 07:01 PM
no man should take a pee sitting down.. it's unnatural.. this is one of the top things about being a man.. evolution at it's best, it comes right after the inability to have children and being able to SS&S in less then 30 min.
One of my friends once told me that his GF made him piss sitting down in HIS OWN house.. i never looked at him the same after that.

Birrman54
10-26-04, 07:55 PM
Originally posted by Oraphus
no man should take a pee sitting down.. it's unnatural.. this is one of the top things about being a man.. evolution at it's best, it comes right after the inability to have children and being able to SS&S in less then 30 min.
One of my friends once told me that his GF made him piss sitting down in HIS OWN house.. i never looked at him the same after that.

where are these men that are allowing their gfs to immasculate them? Who AAARE these people?

birrman54

Darkfriend
10-26-04, 08:03 PM
Originally posted by Birrman54
where are these men that are allowing their gfs to immasculate them? Who AAARE these people?

birrman54

Let's just say some wimmens have strange powers!!

JsphOfArimethia
10-26-04, 11:04 PM
Originally posted by Numanoid
Glad to be of service. Nice to know someone else out there will be employing The Numanoid Maneuver™ before letting it flow. :D Alright, I guess I'll speak up and say you and Darkfriend are not alone in all this. I've had this problem for about the last 4 years. I've also been using "The Numanoid Maneuver" for just about the same amount of time. Hell you have to. Nothing so annoying as aiming at the toilet and hosing the wall to your left. Real mess. Anyways, I don't think a woman could talk me into being 'trained'. Having said that, I will confess that on occasion I have sat down. When I'm at someone elses house, and they have a bunch of nice things on the counter right next to the toilet. It's better safe than sorry sometimes. :)

milo bloom
10-27-04, 12:19 AM
Try having a cat walking around between your legs and nailing her with one of the streams. That is not a pleasant chore to cleanup. I too have to use the Numanoid Maneuver, though I reserve peeing sitting down to when I'm half asleep and I'm afraid of blasting the cat with the full stream in my dozing state.

JsphOfArimethia
10-27-04, 11:35 AM
^ rotfl

Not fun for the cat I'm sure, but still funny as hell. I never peed on my cat, but my cat did pee on my a couple of times.

darkflounder
10-27-04, 12:14 PM
Originally posted by Numanoid
Umm. dude, that's completely normal. I did the same thing for years, before I finally figured out what was happening. What happens is, a little dribble from last time dries at the end of your urethra, and acts like glue and forms a little blockade by sticking a little part of the opening together (hence the two streams). Just take your finger and quickly pull the opening apart before you go and you'll never have that probelm again.

Either that, or you're deformed.

Originally posted by Darkfriend
Numanoid thank you it works! Screw Ann Landers (she's dead isn't she?) and all those "self-help" gurus, you're the BEST! :lol:

So, if that solved the problem, then the solution is easy. If you've got parts of your body sticking together, it's definitely time to bathe.

mike45
10-27-04, 12:22 PM
Who's going to know if you're just peeing sitting down? It's not like someone is going to check.

Just take that leak sitting down and tell everyone you're taking a crap.

aintnosin
10-27-04, 12:50 PM
Only in Otterville could peeing sitting down consume three pages...

MJKTool
10-27-04, 01:50 PM
Originally posted by mike45
Who's going to know if you're just peeing sitting down? It's not like someone is going to check.

Just take that leak sitting down and tell everyone you're taking a crap.

Hmmm you sound a little defensive.......

zuffy
10-27-04, 01:56 PM
Only time I pee sitting down is when I have to pee while taking a dump.

costanza
10-27-04, 02:58 PM
Originally posted by mike45
Who's going to know if you're just peeing sitting down? It's not like someone is going to check.

Just take that leak sitting down and tell everyone you're taking a crap.

if no one is going to check then why tell anyone anything?

mike45
10-27-04, 03:54 PM
Originally posted by MJKTool
Hmmm you sound a little defensive.......

Don't ask, Don't tell