slop101

From Seanbaby:

"It takes a special kind of failure to make it into this list. A game has to be more than boring or poorly executed. To become one of the 20 Worst, it starts as a bad idea and ends by actually lowering the quality of life of people who haven't played it."

For the rest of the article, go here:

http://www.seanbaby.com/nes/egm.htm

huh?

ET

This game was so bad it actually destroyed the life of the Atari 2600. The Atari 2600 had a game where General Custer raped Indians tied to cactuses, and THAT couldn't kill the system. Here's how E.T. did it: most of the gameplay was E.T. trying to escape from scientists and jumping into pits to find parts of his telephone. Once you were in a pit, that's when the fun began. If there was no chunk of telephone in the pit, which was only the case in 97% of them, you could leave by stretching out ET's neck until he slowly, SLOWLY floated up. This was the most satisfying part of the game since it looked like an invisible monster was trying to tear his head off.

slop101

My favorite quote:

If the Jaguar has 64 bits, then they used 60 of them for crap, and four for someone to step in that crap spread it around with their shoe. I found a handheld football game in a dumpster in 1979 that looked better than this.

Have you ever stepped on a nail during a seminar about trends in hydraulic pump insurance? If so, then keep doing it. It's more fun than this electronic wasteland.

Trout

I am proud to say that I acutally finished ET, but I never bought it.

shizawn

I played ET a lot. I remember liking it. Sure, it wasn't my favorite Atari 2600 game but it wasn't the worst.

Still, his comments are funny.


I worked for the company that put out Bubsy 3D, but thankfully they had released that game before I started there.

Mezzanine

E.T. isn't that bad, at least when you know what you're doing. You don't have to jump into pits randomly; just look for the right icon and it shows you where a piece is (if one is located on the current screen). It may not be a great game, but it's not nearly as bad as some people make it out to be. There are many, many worse games out there.

The guy obviously has a strong anti-Jaguar bias, too. Club Drive at #2? It's an innovative driving game that has some fun two-player modes. Yeah, the graphics are blocky, but it's not a bad game. He should have put Checkered Flag on the list instead of Club Drive. Now that is a bad game.

And no mention of American Gladiators? His list sucks worse than most of the games on it. :P

Doug Schiller

ET being a bad game was only part of the reason why it sunk Atari.

The problem was they produced too many copies and had to actually dump them in a landfill.

There were games much worse than ET at the time.

The last good game on the 2600 that I remember was that Indiana Jones one. That was cool.

Doug

FalconH10

check out his 20 worst NES games. He put renegade on there. wow there were a lot worse games than renegade, oh but he is right about E.T. it did suck.

jim_mailman1962

The worse game ever is:

Hooter's Road Trip (PS)

or

Flinstones Bedrock Bowling (PS) (it's not even bowling, it like a race to the finish and it is so retaded!)

FiveO

Read Custers Revenge....

Liver&Onions

Sad thing is, I rented Total Recall about 5 times because I liked it.

zero

I feel sorry for you.

And I liked this list a lot better when I read it in the pages of EGM like 4 months ago Still anytime is a good time to talk about bad games I guess.

Boot

#9: Custer's Revenge (Atari 2600)

Atari 2600 owners had games about blowing up tanks, brushing their teeth, and Kool-Aid. It forces a person to demand, where were the games about General Custer rising from the dead to sexually assault Indian women? The company Mystique heard the public's demands and answered them with Custer's Revenge. In it, you lead Custer through a hail of arrows to hump a girl tied to a cactus on the other side of the screen. That's it. That's the whole game.

A native of Harrison County, Ohio, General George Armstrong Custer is considered by many to be the father of modern erotic military tactics. The following speech that he gave prior to the historic Battle of Little Big Horn still never fails to inspire cock-crazy madmen to this day.

Custer: "Gentlemen, today's operation will be a unique one. We will go deep into injun territory with a full entourage of cavalry, establish a tight perimeter, have the infantry remove my pants and underpants, and then I will attempt to force sex on an Indian girl under heavy enemy fire. Are there any objections?"

Custer's military advisor: "Yes, general. Several."

Graphics: 3/10
With the stone-age graphics of the 2600, there really was no point in trying to make erotic games. Custer's Revenge looks less like sex and more like a couple slow dancing at a social for birth defected sea horses.

Fun: 1/10
Even if you were turned on by a woman who looks like she was made out of cardboard boxes, she's still tied to a cactus. Two things that don't mix with adult entertainment are cactuses and rubbing your balls on cactuses. If Custer's Revenge assisted anyone in masturbation, they not only should be arrested for being a pervert lunatic, someone should tell them that it would be just as good a simulation of sex if they were jerking their penis in front of Chopper Command.

Historical Accuracy: 9/10
Although General Custer didn't tie any Native Americans to cactuses and have his way with their birth canals, and was in fact killed by those people's proud and mystical warriors, the rest of the game is factually correct. In addition to the faithfulness to details like Custer's blue cowboy hat and magnificently gay pink scarf, the creators did exhaustive research on cowboys having sex. The game uses the time-honored historical Old West style of scoring, which is one point for each successful pelvic thrust, seven points for all solid slaps to the ass, and immediately being declared sheriff if you perform a full backflip without leaving the vagina.

sexy_overlord

I remember the horror that was E.T. I made it my personal mission one day to beat it so that I would never have to play it again. Then I spent the rest of the day playing Frogger. It was the happiest day of my life.